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MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Kerichi (Signed) · Date: 11/01/10 6:22 · For: Chapter 1

The title drew my curiosity. What would a Dementor's Kiss be like? I enjoyed your take on it, and the couplet rhyming scheme.

How could one imagine a Dementor's Kiss.

Being sucked of all joy, happiness and bliss.



The first two lines set the theme and tone of the poem wonderfully, but the next line jarred with its shift from third person "one" to second person "you." If the poem's meant to make the reader feel like the person who's receiving the Dementor's Kiss, the first line and the second to last lines don’t fit. The first because of pov, the second because of tense: “would you” instead of “do you.”

 

As much as I liked the way you described the effects of the “Kiss”, there are contradictions in logic. If you have no thoughts, there would be a macabre “peace of mind.” You would be incapable of nightmares, reliving failures, or contemplating how you’ll spend the rest of your life.

 

The last line needs a question mark, but the question asked is poignant and thought provoking and an excellent end to the poem.

 



Name: Virgil (Signed) · Date: 03/19/10 21:50 · For: Chapter 1
This is really quite moving. One error that I caught: "It is to much to bare." should be "It is too much to bare." Probably just a typo.
For such few words, this poem really makes one think!
~Virgil~


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