Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 07/01/12 5:18
Chapter: His eyes burned with tears as behind him Fang began to howl.

That repetition! Anaphora is a beautiful thing! I believe you have this somewhere in the Poetry Anyone forum... And I feel so grateful that you dedicated it to us! :) it's a beautiful farewell.

~Nagini Riddle

Author's Response: Thanks!

Reviewer: expecto_patronuts
Date: 04/01/12 2:07
Chapter: His eyes burned with tears as behind him Fang began to howl.

Follow this link quietly if you value your life:

http://fanfiction.mugglenet.com/reviews.php?type=ST&item=91180

Author's Response: I'm a Slytherin. I value nothing more.

Reviewer: XenaTwin
Date: 07/03/11 14:53
Chapter: His eyes burned with tears as behind him Fang began to howl.

Very nice scene setting. Two great lines worth mentioning: She held his hand and she held his heart, very poignant and visual imagery. Another fave is the entire two stanzas that paint the picture of the Dark Mark being vanished but how it little mattered with Dumbledore's corpse laying before them. Very disturbing and vivid image. Wonderful job with this peice.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review :) I'm glad you thought the imagery was well done.

Reviewer: FawkesToTheRescue
Date: 08/22/10 15:59
Chapter: His eyes burned with tears as behind him Fang began to howl.

Oh my, I love this poem! It is so beautiful! Amazing job!

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: Liandrin
Date: 06/03/10 17:14
Chapter: His eyes burned with tears as behind him Fang began to howl.

This one of those pieces where free-verse is a necessity. Adding any type of rhyming scheme would only take away from the emotions conveyed, in my humble opinion. And what a gamut of emotions you run me through. You have me feeling sad, disgusted, loved, angry, and hopeless. You also did a wonderful job of expressing your theme of death through the motifs of sorrow and loss. You did this, of course, through repetition of certain lines, 'As the boy crouched low and cried'.

Your choice of diction is fitting--words like 'broken' and 'death' are repeated throughout to symbolise not just Dumbledore's death but also the breaking of Harry's heart and spirit. You do provide a measure of solace by offering Harry Ginny's warmth and comfort. It is the juxtaposition of terror (the Dark Mark) with hope (breaking the curse and freeing the sky) that offers this piece a sombre realism, which adds to the overall effect of the poem.

The most haunting stanza for me is the second last:

A scream so soft, shuddering, lost,
They broke the curse and they freed the sky
Yet the body remained, broken and dead,
As the boy crouched low and cried.

For me, this is where the idea hits home, before the poem comes full circle. It shows that while they may experience loss and victory with this war, the dead remain just that: dead. It is sacrifice for the sake of liberty--and liberty cannot be obtained without bloodshed. An excellent poem. Well done.

Author's Response:
Hi Lia,

Thank you for the wonderful review. It it true, I feel most comfortable writing free-verse and I think you're right in saying that this poem would not work under more stringent guidelines that other forms use. I like to take moments and transform them into poetry from the books and in this case from the HBP film. I'm glad you found this poem to be an emotional journey as that was what I aimed to create.

Again, thank you for such a lovely review!

Julia :)

Reviewer: Virgil
Date: 04/19/10 14:56
Chapter: His eyes burned with tears as behind him Fang began to howl.

This is such a lovely poem. Honestly, it almost made me cry. The phrase "As the boy crouched low and cried" conveys such innocence and loss, and it really gives one a mental picture of how that scene plays out in the movie. Sheer beauty.
Peace, Virgil

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review, Virgil. I'm glad you felt the emotions I had hoped to portray.

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Date: 03/28/10 3:40
Chapter: His eyes burned with tears as behind him Fang began to howl.

*crossing fingers, hoping this thing will let me review*

Aw, Jules, it was gorgeous. The way you manipulate the words, make them more than the sum of their syllables, is truly amazing. The language supersedes mere characters on a page, each word blending together so soulfully, glued together with an extra helping of amazing that seems to flow from you when you write poetry. Every line of this poem makes me remember that part. I will admit, I DID see the movie before I read the book, but I will also admit that I CRIED IN PUBLIC.

You, dear, have given me a tear or two on this day, a little bit of heartbreak, and an overall sense of awe. So much happened around Harry as he knelt at Dumbledore's side, so much that he missed. You brought it to life, you gave it tangibility outside of what we 'know' happened.

I really love how your use of iambic pentameter allows it to roll of the tongue with ease. There just isn't anything in it that is sloppy or difficult to handle. The repetition really helps to tie it in so well, bringing the reader (that's me!) back to Harry, but each foray into the background from Harry and Dumbledore's body brings a new, powerful emotion to the surface. I have no idea if you do that intentionally (I'm guessing you do), or whether it's just something that comes naturally, but I am so glad that I can type this out, since I seriously can't talk right now.

Absolutely stunning. It's absolutely stunning, and the moment the nomination threads for QSQs go up, this bad boy is going on there.

Very sincerely,

Jess

PS-Please excuse my rambliness. You do that to me sometimes with your awesomeness.

Author's Response: Oh, Jess! Thanks for the read and lovely review! I always like hearing what you think. Is it mean that I'm quite proud of giving you a tear? That's made grin like a complete lunatic! Oh well. Anyway, thank you so much for the glowing review and hope for a possible QSQ nomination :p You're awesome as well! Julia XD

Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 03/27/10 19:51
Chapter: His eyes burned with tears as behind him Fang began to howl.

Love it! I love poems that have repeating lines, it just lends the piece a sense of flow and cohesiveness that I for one appreciate. Your refrain - 'as the boy crouched low and cried' - was both lovely and sad, a perfect finishing line for each stanza. Your language and imagery is strong, and concluding with the first stanza brought it full circle very nicely. Wonderful job! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Hi Gina! Thanks so much for the lovely review. I love repetition as well and it features strongly in most of my fics and poems. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem and it's always nice to see another review from you :) Julia XD

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 03/27/10 16:23
Chapter: His eyes burned with tears as behind him Fang began to howl.

OOOOH, I'm all trembly now. Julia that's absolutely beautiful. I love the flow of the poem and the same last line for every verse really adds to the essence of Dumbledore. I feel we're celebrating his life as well as commiserating with Harry over such huge a loss.

You're an amazing poet and this is a wonderful poem. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Ah, Carole. Thanks so much! I really wanted it to have a bittersweet feel like the music it was inspired by. We ARE celebrating this great wizard but we are also feeling Harry's pain. I'm glad that came through :)

Reviewer: inspirations
Date: 03/26/10 13:50
Chapter: His eyes burned with tears as behind him Fang began to howl.

Ooh, what a beautiful poem! Primarily, you’ve told a sad story, but the way you’ve told it is the key. You’ve crafted the poem in such a way that the different components almost seem to bring the story itself to life. One of my favourite types of poems is that which are repetitive, though repetition can both lend and subtract, in my opinion. The repetition definitely lends in this case, I think. The reinforcement of As the boy crouched low and cried creates a solid image for the reader to refer back to. I also love poems that come full circle, and, in this case, the effect was particularly striking. The words you chose just spoke of unwavering respect to Dumbledore’s character, to me; this is an image that’s very fitting and true to what we see in the books. Yes, there’s a lot of respect there, and without that repetition of stanzas, I’m not sure I would’ve got that impression so strongly.

Of comfort and presence and warmth and love

I found this line a lot to get my tongue around. Maybe by replacing the second ‘and’ with a comma or ‘of’, the flow might be improved.

They broke the curse and they freed the sky

Honestly, nothing wrong with this line – in fact, it has a lovely rhythm -- it’s just that in the previous stanza you ended the same line number with this word. Since you don’t follow this pattern in any of the other stanzas, it seems like a bit of an irregularity, if you know what I mean. Maybe switching the word order slightly to something like ‘As they freed the sky by breaking the curse’, for example. :/ You could come up with something better, I’m sure, LOL.

Finally, I want to compliment you on your rhythm and enjambment. While reviewing this I’ve read it aloud several times -- and it sounds so natural; flows so smoothly. Fabulous poem – I very much enjoyed reading and reviewing it. :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. Thank you also for pointing some things out. I can see what you mean about that line being a little wordy and when I was writing it I noticed that too. I will keep your advice in mind. As for the other line, I tend to ignore most rules when writing poetry and this poem is quite structured compared to a lot of other things that I write. I didn't intend on repeating 'sky' but it just sort of happened. Hopefully it doesn't detract too much from the poem! But thanks for a thorough review and I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Allegiance by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
During his final year at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy had few illusions about where...
A Different Kind of Magic by unjellify 3rd-5th Years
James Potter is Head Boy and Gryffindor Quidditch captain in his seventh year...
Colorblind by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Set in the future, Harry's grandchild tries to comfort him while Harry remembers...
FEATURED
The Pretender by littlebird Professors
She feels the familiar pang of disappointment that they've never been better...
A Light in the Gap by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
When Harry woke that first morning in Grimmauld Place, he wondered if Ron and...
Tapestry by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
As Walburga Black stitches, Sirius rebels. Two poems written about the infamous...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
CATEGORIES