Beautifully written, you captured James' feelings really well.
I've read it while listening to Coldplay. You can imagine how much I've cried.
Do you miss our conversations that encompassed everything and nothing all at once?
What an opening line! Isn’t that how real conservations go with friends? Sometimes you’re so in sync with them. and other times, there simply isn’t a damn thing that clicks, but you’re still there. Conversation is supposed to be confusing. Hell, how many times do we need things repeated throughout the day with those who are closest to us? These are the people we rely on for everything in our lives. Language, especially if we know the tongue, is layered with semantics, intonations and all that. How can it not be confusing? Isn’t every conversation where we hope to make a connection? I hope you understand this.
The Sirius I know doesn’t regret anything. Don’t tell me you regret what has happened.
Here, I feel I must disagree with you. That’s true Sirius might not have taken regret because he looked at the positives, but how could he not have been lost? Think of when he’s in Grimmuald Place with Harry. How could he not regret the things that happened around him? Yes, this is a letter from James. If James truly understood and was watching over him or whatever you think he views this as, he would have seen that. How can Sirius not have shared some regret with his best mate with people, friends, mind you, dropped like flies. Sirius is not a one-dimensional, impenetrable character because he’s Sirius.
The next paragraph about ‘something Pads,’ threw me off, really. The whole sequence here has me wondering whether Sirius, too, is indeed dead. I’m trying think that of course he couldn’t be as he placed the stag figurine, or carving, on the grave, but I don’t know. That needs to be explained or fleshed out because you’re missing something. I understand the symbolism of it, I do, and perhaps you should have placed the letter in the stag as a roll because that could easily blow away. Saying they were reflecting on Peter again, as you just said that in the introduction and pulled that back into it, is quite unnecessary. So, I admit I glazed through this paragraph, but, lucky for you, I stumbled back with this:
Don’t believe them, Sirius, when they say that it’s better when you leave everything behind. Don’t believe them when they say it’s a ‘better place’, where nothing hurts, where everything bad is taken from you, every bad feeling, everything that hurts. Don’t believe them when they say the weather is perfect when you die. It’s not.
Is that not powerful? Oh my God, there is so much that I can say about this passage. You are very insightful. Like before, I have to say you’ve caught me off guard and you threw me away. I’m not going to throw faith in here, partially because I’m simply not religious and the connotations are just bloody obvious, but this is exactly how I feel about death. We don’t know. We don’t know what’s going to happen. We don’t know who were leaving behind. Why would you listen to the consolations of the living? Granted, all right, there is nobody else to listen to, yeah, but what the hell do they know? What do we all think we know? Death is a perfect experience? I’m not dead. When you’re dead, what would it natter that you drop everything? It’s not.
I can barely look at you, Sirius. It hurts. It hurts so badly. I feel so guilty. This guilt presses down on me, like the darkness of this night. I’ll never forgive myself for leaving you alone. I’m afraid they’re going to lock you up in Azkaban and take away all the light inside you. And I’m angry; I’m angry that Remus is going believe the lies. I’m angry that he’s going to betray you too. He’s going to mourn Peter as though he was innocent, and he’s going to be glad that you’re wasting away in Azkaban, and that makes me furious, Sirius.
Sorry I’m going by this paragraph by paragraph, but I find you bring up things that I can’t help but move the discussion. The first few sentences her sound rather weak and cheesy. You shouldn’t that sentence with ‘and’ and you perhaps shouldn’t have written ‘But’ in the previous sentence either. I agree with you that Remus believed the lies. How could he not? We judge by what we hear and force ourselves toward rationalization. In Remus’s case, he’s going to be handed thirteen years to mull and analyse this every way possible. He will mourn Peter because they were friends, yes, but he won’t be glad that Sirius has wasted away in prison.
Look at his reaction in Book 3. Either way you view this issue, he has to deal with the guilt. He doesn’t discuss Sirius with harry for this very. He dodges the matter altogether when Harry brings it up a few times. It’s not because he’s a werewolf who’s reputation can’t be tainted with the association with a mass murderer. That entire scene when they embrace in the Shrieking Shack is not simply a ‘missed you, brother’ type of thing. I’d argue that it’s as powerful as Harry being reunited with his godfather. Being reunited with a family member let me tell you, after years of separation, is no small thing. There are no words.
Have I bored you yet? I didn’t connect with the rest of it. Shouldn't James feel something for Peter? Yes, he killed them, but for years, they were friends, He might not have gotten as cllose to James as Sirius and Remus, but I think Peter is quicly overshadowed by us.
You made me think. Let me know your thoughts. Well done.
Author's Response: Wow, that was an amzing review, so thank you so much for taking the time to leave it! I understand completely what you mean about conversation and friends, and I agreed completely. I tried to convey that connection that James and Sirius have - they're best mates, and not even death can change that. I think regret is different from being lost. James is already dead in this fic - the Sirius he knew in life didn't take the time to regret things, and James wants to convince himself that Sirius can still be that person he was. He's almost talking to himself in that particular section, like he can't really stand the thought of Sirius being changed by what happened. Sirius isn't impenetrable, but I don't think he'd be the melodramatic, over-emotional type. We saw in the books that he had a tendency to bottle things up until someone/something pushed him that little bit too far. Am I making sense? Probably not, but it made sense in my head :D I'm glad you like the passage about death and heaven. I'm not particularly religious either, which is why I thought a lot about us not knowing. You're right, of course, we don't know. We can't know, and we when do, there's no popping back to chat about it. Maybe ther's something more, maybe their isn't, but humans have that innate need for consolation, for something to cling to when everything else fails. I know what you're saying about Remus not being glad that Sirius is in prison, and your right about him having over a decade to think on what happened. But I have to disagree with you a little - this story depicts a very small snippet of time, very soon after James and Lily's death. Grief changes people, we've all seen it. Remus has just had his world turned over - two of his best friends are dead, for all appearances, it seems Sirius has betrayed them all and then gone after Peter too. I think, that so soon after, Remus would be very angry, very confused and in those few days after, a little part of him would be glad that the person he percieves as a traitor is going to be locked up. I think as time went by this would change, and he would properly mourn his mate, but so soon after would be a tumult of emotions. And you're right about guilt - Remus had plenty of it. Obviously what I was getting at didn't come out properly in the fic, but thank you for taking the time to discuss it, so I could explain what I was getting at. Hopefully this answer will help you see what I was intending. I'm sorry you didn't connect with the rest of it. As for James in regards to Peter, I just want to draw attention to the time frame again. This is a tiny snippet of time just after James' death, and obviously the feeling of anger and betrayal is going to overshadow everything else at such a time. I'm glad it made you think - that's the point, eh? - and I hope you enjoyed it, despite the weaker points. Lyd.
oh wow!! that was beautiful you had me crying all over the place, and let me tell you its generally hard to do that. I loved it, im a bit speechless to be honest...
Author's Response: Ah, success! I'm glad you liked it, and I'm glad it affected you in some way - that's the point of writing, isn't it? To connect. Thank you for reviewing!
**Sniffle** Confession time. I cried this when I this. I love it though. I felt like I was really listening to James...
Author's Response: I great to hear that you liked it, and that it affected you. I aim to impact :D Thanks for reviewing.
It was really good, fantasticly well written.
Author's Response: Thanks, and thank you for reviewing :D