Reviews For Black Dawn
Reviewer: Echorain
Date: 08/31/11 20:50
Chapter: Prologue

Wow, okay, I'd like to begin by saying it's an absolute crime that this fantastic story only has twelve reviews! I think this as well as "The Secret Life of Scarlet Black" are among my favourite stories I've ever read on this site. It was also interesting to watch how your writing ability progressed as you wrote the two stories. At the very start I remember you were a good writer but some of the details were a bit nebulous and overall the idea didn't seem to original (at the time I was also reading a similar fiction about an adopted daughter of the Tonks family) and I began reading it, a bit skeptical. Now all I have to say is wow! Your writing ability has really shaped up, the plot was wonderfully complex as well as original. One thing is occasionally your details are still a bit nebulous, like when Scarlet plants those thoughts inside Rodolphus's mind- you couldve been a bit clearer that it wasn't actually happening, only in his head.
It was interesting reading about Scarlet Black alongside the story about the other girl, and seeing as what was essentially the same plotline at the beginning completely diverged to create two very different girls with two very different stories.
My favourite thing about Scarlet is that she is REAL. She isn't a Mary Sue at all, like so many of these Alternate Universe OCs tend to be. She didn't have a fancy name, but something short that gave her character and rang true to her feisty nature. She's not devastatingly drop-dead beautiful with every boy at school fawning over her, she's pretty and has relationships with 3 boys in the story. The world doesn't revolve around her, it revolves around Harry like it should (by the way, I loved that part about her having that crush on him in her first or second year!). She's a real person, she has flaws and she isn't all good- she's shades of grey. She's a good person at her heart but she is manipulative and vengeful at times, she has the dark mark and all, not to mention the fact that she helps out former Death Eaters like Draco. Her friendship with the twins was certainly original and the dynamics there were perfect- with her sort of tagging along and trying to be let in, them calling her "Midget" and then Fred finally being in love with her.

One issue I always seem to find in fanfiction is how gratificational and cliched most romance is. Every relationship in your story (platonic or otherwise) felt real, felt different, and felt fresh. Her relationship with Draco was certainly interesting (considering they're quite closely related) and I did like how it started out very lovey dovey (in a good way) and later she's trying to use him to help her become a spy, and he's trying to use her too. Her relationship with Fred could easily have been incredibly fluffy and nauseating to read by how cute and perfect it was, but you pulled if off perfectly. They were deeply in love and their descent into that state was slow and believable. Then when he died, I was able to really feel Scarlet's emotions. Her dependence on the meds, her depression, and the fact that she'd lost the baby really hit me hard and I felt real pain, which is something really rare when i read. Then she finds Charlie and it's not the typical hate-hate then fall in love relationship, it's the hate and then coming to an understanding, THEN falling in love. And through all of that a part of her still loves Fred. I think all the readers have really been rooting for Scarlet, who has had so much hardship in her life, and I know I was doing silent little cheers in my head at the epilogue. Absolutely brilliant.

Reviewer: iLuna17
Date: 09/11/10 15:45
Chapter: Walking on Eggshells

Cliffe

Reviewer: iLuna17
Date: 09/11/10 15:41
Chapter: Three Little Words

It's official: I love this story

Reviewer: iLuna17
Date: 09/11/10 15:38
Chapter: Being Professional

TWIST

Reviewer: iLuna17
Date: 09/11/10 15:17
Chapter: ...And I'll Huff...

I am liking where this is going.

Reviewer: iLuna17
Date: 09/11/10 15:05
Chapter: Prologue

wow . . . that was deep
I LOVE IT

Reviewer: tinsleycooper
Date: 08/20/10 14:02
Chapter: Three Little Words

I really enjoy all of your writing and I absolutely loved this last chapter! I can really feel the emotions Scarlet is feeling for Charlie and over her loss of Fred - that is the mark of a great writer!

Now, there is one thing I am confused on.
Early in the story it seemed as if (the baby) Fred was the child of Scarlet. At least, that's what I assumed, considering that she told Molly she was pregnant, and that she was supposed to be living with George after the baby. I didn't know the baby wasn't hers until the miscarriage chapter (I actually wasn't quite sure what you were saying about the miscarriage. Did she still have a baby? What happened?), and even then for some reason I thought the baby was hers. It wasn't until this chapter, Chapter 10, that I realized the baby wasn't hers, but George and Angelina's. That confused me and I think could be cleared up a bit.

Also, we never learned Angelina was George's wife up until this point. Now, I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, but I had no idea they were married and had a child either. I knew George had married someone, as stated in one of the first chapters, but I never saw that it was Angelina. Perhaps that could be cleared up on too.

Another thing is that I find it hard to believe Scarlet had never noticed that her column had been written under a pen name until she went to Romania. Had she never had the urge to see her column in the paper before, or is there some reason to why she hadn't read it?

Those are just little things a fan like myself had picked up as I read. I love your work, keep doing what you're doing! I look forward to reading more chapters in your series!

Author's Response: Thanks! Okay, so the confusion was intentional (sorry, though). The reason it is never stated that Fred and Angelina were married and that Fred was there is because Scarlet herself at the time was refusing to admit and believe it. In her mind, she should be in Angelina's place and Fred should be hers, but since this isn't reality, nothing can really be stated directly. I will try to go back and clear things up a tad bit more on that front. I did not catch the whole pen name issue until you mentioned it. In my head, I thought I had written that she started using a pen name once she arrived in Romania, so I'd like to apologize for that as well.

Reviewer: DownWithTheCarrows113
Date: 08/09/10 22:52
Chapter: Being Professional

I have a feeling that the dinner isn't going to end well. I mean, she was Fred's fiance! It would seem so weird if I was the family, most of all George! They are going to go BALLISTIC!

Reviewer: DownWithTheCarrows113
Date: 07/24/10 22:49
Chapter: Heaven and Hell

Holy.... WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?! WHOA BABY!

Reviewer: DownWithTheCarrows113
Date: 06/06/10 19:40
Chapter: ...And I'll Puff...

I love the last two sentences! I am really curious about who he lost, of course his gf or something of the sort. I hope that Charlie and Scarlet fall in love because it would be perfect and Fred would want her to be happy. Cant wait for more!

Reviewer: DownWithTheCarrows113
Date: 05/25/10 15:48
Chapter: ...And I'll Huff...

I am still a bit confused by a lot of things. Like for example why she doesn't live with her son, i think it may be because she is in danger and not fit for a child at the moment. Also I am confused about why Charlie blames her for Fred's death, it's not like she killed him in the first place and she is going through a lot so it's even harder on her if someone is blaming her.

Reviewer: TheCursedQuill
Date: 05/19/10 12:45
Chapter: Prologue

Hi!

The start of this story is pretty good; it throws the reader into the conflict and immediately starts with some action with the prologue. It’s quite sad actually, but the emotion and suspense are what keep people reading! It’s a good start, though I was confused because I actually didn’t realise that this was a sequel until after I read all three chapters, and went back to reread the summary. This makes the story make much more sense!

However, even though it’s a sequel, I think you should give a little bit of background to your last story. Just throw in little snippets here and there, like when you talk about Tonks maybe just throw in “My father left me with her family when I was still a baby before he left for a mission”. You wouldn’t have to mention everything about your first story, but I think to have a sequel you should go back to the first so that your reader’s could read either story on their own. Like how in the Harry Potter series, JK repeatedly explains what Quidditch is, even though if you’ve read the books, you’d know what it is. Also, by placing tiny plot points of your first story, you’d be making readers like me who stumbled upon this one, want to find out more and read the first one. I really believe that you do need something that relates to the background of this story just so that your readers aren’t completely lost if they haven’t read the first.

I like the prologue of your story and the explanation of the war and where everyone went after it. I do think you could have worked with Molly’s character a little more, the emotion didn’t feel right for me as she talked about her son’s death, though Scarlet’s character was devastated and written really well. Of course you’ve had a lot of time writing Scarlet and I really like her! You’ve created a really nice OC here and she’s fun to read.

I would also suggest you get a beta; there are a couple of typos here and there, nothing major, but it’s a little distracting when reading. Other than that, you’ve written this really well and you’ve kept the tone up nicely throughout all of the chapters. It was a great read and I can’t wait to read the rest, and go back and read your first one too!

Well done!
-Sarah

Author's Response: *nod* I plan to backtrack a bit in future chapters with flashbacks and little snippets. I completely understand the comment about Molly and the emotion, although I tried to portray her as the distraught mother who has enough control over herself like in "Deathly Hallows" where she duels Bellatrix.

Reviewer: DownWithTheCarrows113
Date: 05/01/10 15:28
Chapter: Existence

I am thoroughly confused!

Author's Response: About what?

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Put Asunder by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
As a Slytherin Sorted two years after the Battle, Astoria has never been popular...
A Story for Charlie by Darkness Enshrouds 3rd-5th Years
A boy. A girl. A budding romance. If only things never got complicated... (Violence...
Scorpius Malfoy and the Salem Witch Trials by Hotrav 3rd-5th Years
The third story in the Scorpius Malfoy and the Sins of the Fathers series. Lucius...
FEATURED
My Troubled Tyrant by Belledeg Professors
Keedie Dante has experienced many amazing things during her time at Hogwarts...
His and Hers by Acacia Carter 3rd-5th Years
In a perfect world, Neville and Hannah's wedding would go off without a hitch...
All This Waiting For The Sky To Fall by Dawnie 1st-2nd Years
They found her body - broken, bleeding, face filled with signs of pain and fear...
Sanguini, the Vampire by teh tarik 6th-7th Years
Vampirism is the persistence and the perpetuity of the body, a madness of the...
Lost and Found by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
When Tracey Davis's financial security was a casualty of war, her family is...
CATEGORIES