It's a really good story (if we had ratings on stories, I would rate a a nine or ten.) ~Tory~
Thank you very much! I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. :)
Ahhh…Mrs Zabini, one of the more mysterious and fascinating characters of the HPverse. I confess I have an unfinished one-shot of her story, something I intend to complete one fine day. But, until then, this should suffice my interest in she who is simultaneously morbid and powerful.
Like Carole, I compared Lucia to Sesen, the black widow of my HPverse. And, yes, differences are obviously there, but I do think your Lucia is scarier and more ruthless. If there is anything redeemable in her, it seem to be her love for her son, and her late-found desire to let a husband live. Well, nothing wrong with that – to each our own, I suppose. *cringes at self*
Your writing is what really made the story fascinating. Her sarcasm and indifference were done just right, and I have to say, I laughed out loud when I read this:
She watched as the light left his eyes, which still stared at her blankly. She frowned and squatted next to the corpse. With her middle and forefinger, she pulled his lids over his vacant gaze. To her annoyance, they simply sprang back open. “Drat,” she mumbled.
Yes, it is suppose to be gruesome, but just the way she said it. I could vividly picture it in my head.
My only nitpick is that I’d have loved to see why she started killing. There are hints of why she did so – her love for power and money is evident, and she seems to have distaste for men in general. But…why and how exactly?
Other than that, I think this story is a formidable tribute to Blaise’s enigmatic (and probably murderous) Mum.
Ah, bless you for taking the time to review, even though you are supposed to be working and writing, lol.
I think you caught on to the essence that I wanted to give her, which is cold, calculating, and rather enigmatic. She does love Blaise unconditionally, so that meant hat she has at least one thing up on old Voldie, but in a way, it makes her more diabolical. She can feel love, yet she will kill without blinking an eye. That almost makes her more scary, lol.
And as for why she she started the vicious cycle of hubby-cide (I'm sure that there's a proper term for that, which I don't know :- ), that is a different story for a different day. And yes, that means that there is a prequel in my mind. Unfortunately, the back story would've eclipsed the prompt for the challenge, but that doesn't mean that I can't write it later. :D
Thanks for stopping by, PowerPUFF, and as always, luv x 10.
Yikes. That’s dark. I saw in some of the reviews you responded to that you wanted readers to like her a bit. Well, I didn’t - sorry! She was a cold-hearted *itch, through and through! When Marcus cornered her with some bite, I was cheering for *him*. When she used the Cruciatus Curse, I was a bit shocked. And when she killed him I was just thinking “!%$#^%.” I had been hoping she might just Obliviate him. It might have given me the smallest shiver of respect for her, if she let him live without the memory of the diary. I couldn’t believe she just went back to her book! So if you wanted me to feel a bit of sympathy for her, I didn’t; if you wanted me to really dislike her, I did. Frankly, I want a sequel where she gets her due. I want husband No. 8 to blackmail her and maybe even torture her a bit. That’s how riled up she got me. ;) Your writing is good at doing that – evoking a powerful reaction. I still think about that Albus/Scorpius piece you did.
I didn’t find the diary a plot device at all, I thought it was a great idea. There is probably a term for it, the way it functions in the plot and how it propels the story to it's tragic conclusion, but I can’t think of it (and it’s probably really simple, too.) It worked perfectly and made total sense to me. I did feel, though, that the actual entry didn’t always read like a diary entry, but more like a story. I think perhaps writing it more as a present tense confessional rather than a retelling of the past might make more of an emotional connection.
For a character challenge, you’ve drawn a heck of a character here. I love that you can always come up with an unexpected twist in the Potterverse. Good luck with the competition! ~Gina :)
Haha, welcome once again to my author page. :D
I'm not sure if 'like' is the appropriate term (totally my bad, lol). I think I wanted to show that she really wasn't completely diabolical, but she is just enough to be the cold-hearted succubus that she is. Everyone just seems Voldemort as the catch-all 'worst guy in the world', but no one remembers those who do so in the shadows.
The honest truth about the diary entry is this; this piece started off as a drabble that was supposed to be only the diary entry, but it was too long. I was too lazy to cut it, so I kept going and made it fit the CC prompt. I tried to make the entry sound like she does when she talks and thinks, but that's not always easy to do. I guess I didn't want it to be too emotional, since she is rather cold and viperous, but some moments, like when she talks about Blaise, that feeling seeps into her writing, her mindset, and her words.
In my mind, she wasn't going to kill Marcus until he made the remark about Blaise. That sent her over the edge, since he's the only person in the world about whom she truly cares.
Yeah, that was an overlong explanation for a simple question, lol. I do that...the rambling. Well, anyhow, tip o' the hat for reviewing and have a nice night. :)
Her thoughts seemed very realistic. Especially how causal she was towards killing but don't see how she would leave a journal lying around though you need it as plot device. Enjoyed it!
Ah, thank you for reviewing. I'm glad you liked her.
She's casual toward killing, because she'd done it before. She was a little frosty from the start, but after plenty of practice, it just wasn't a big deal for her anymore.
In my mind, she didn't just leave the journal laying around so much as became complacent that Marcus would never find it. She had never given a second thought to the idea that a house elf (a lowly and unworthy creature in her mind) could be her downfall. She simply had left it somewhere where her husband never ventured and thought she was safe. Woops, lol.
Anyway, thank you for reviewing, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
There's a reason I'm not in SPEW (well, there's a few, but this is the main one) I'm not good at writing quality reviews. So don't expect anything spew worthy.
You know I love this story. I think you found Blaise's beautiful mother's voice remarkably clearly in this fic. She's not the totally calculating and ruthless woman we've been lead to believe, for she does have some feelings - passion perhaps for certain people.
I think ther formal stule you employed in this tale really helped drive the fic. It was her if you see what I mean. I particularly liked the details you put in about her sixth husband and how he died by his own hand. And the way she can't bear the eyes staring out at her ... although it doesn't seem to affect her for long, I have to say.
She's different from my Karis (formerly Zanini now Flint) altough they both have that cold streak running through them and the one person they seem to care for is Blaise. (I b29; Blaise *sigh*)
Good luck in the challenge; this really is brilliant, Jess, so I don't think you need my good luck wishes.
As you know, I heart you mucho, and your reviews always make me smile. You pick out what you liked and what you don't (though that seems to be inapplicable in this case), which is more than 75% of all reviewers (actually, probably higher). Who cares if they're not a mile long? I don't. I just care that you read it and liked it. :D
I wanted her to be someone that the audience favoured, but not completely. I debated whether to go into more details about further husbands (most of which died for evidence reasons, as they each found out about the successive ones/vicious cycle/causality loop/blah blah), but I thought the slice of humanity with the sixth one was enough to make her not the COMPLETE villain, which was important.
Thanks for reading! I must troll your author page again soon.
Heck yeah, I'll leave you a review: this was fantastic! I think you've drawn a marvelous character out of a few random facts from canon and a curious rumor regarding the husbands. I love the detail, and the consistency of her voice... by midway through, I felt like I really knew her, and knowing her feels more than a little scary. (shudder)
Really good job, Jess... good luck with the challenge (not that you need it)! :)
Oh, thank you so much, Lori!
Oddly enough, this started out as a drabble, but when I did my word count, it was 400 words over. It was too late to go back and cut, but it wasn't too late to fit it into the challenge. I'm really pleased with this, and I'm so glad you liked it. I wanted the reader to like her, but not like her too much, because she is a bit of a succubus. She's so cold and detached when she kills, it was almost chilling to write about it.
Thank you for reading, and I'm glad you stopped by!