great start puts up the setting and how we are suppose to think the rest of the story will go cant wait till the first chapter
I'm not quite sure about this story. I just feel like the idea of a goblin child being admitted to Hogwarts is just too improbable. Wizards who still believe Muggle-borns are not true witches and wizards would probably have a collective stroke if a goblin girl was admitted. I also am not completely sure if goblins possess the magic necessary to be able to work as a student at Hogwarts. Like centaurs, they have limited knowledge of magic (such as Astronomy and Divination, but nothing else), but they were not able to use wands and were not magically gifted enough to use Charms and Transfiguration.
From what we know about goblins, they are gifted with metal work and with money, but they are not capable of using wands according to canon.
Also, if Tipsy is eleven years old at the time of the story, she is certainly too young to show any interest in boys. And for a goblin boy to show romantic interest in an eleven year old is just plain perverted.
Although I'm not still not sure about the premise of the story, I still feel that a story focused on the goblin race would be quite interesting.
But I feel like your characters seem just too...human. You could have a great deal of oppurtunity to truly explore what it means to be a goblin, but I feel like you've just used very human interactions and replaced the human character with goblins, adding in a few comments about the girls' hair. The reaction of the goblin boy, for example, was a very human responce. I feel like goblins would have their own ways of conveying attraction to a female.
But again, at eleven, I still think she is too young to show any sort of interest in boys, or have any interest shown towards her.
Author's Response: I have recently been reading through the HP books again (I am roughly halfway through the 6th book) and find that all we really know about goblin-magic is about money and metal. They are not allowed to use wands because they are non-human, but nothing in the books suggest they cannot. In the fourth book Winky, although not a goblin and although she did not actually use the wand, is accused plainly of using it and no one suggests that she is not physically able. The capabilities of golbins are largely undefined in the books, so I don't see why Tipsy might not be fully capable of magic. Eleven-year-olds certainly show romantic interests. In modern times, it seems as though the summer before beginning middle school (at which age most are 11), romance is a rite-of-passage and 'dating' as they see it becomes the norm (I spend too much time in youth theater, and therefore too much time around middle-schoolers :). Most children upon enterring middle school believe themselves fully equipped for a long-term, meaningful relationship--though this is not generally the case. Also, if you continue to read, you will find that it is a story about tolerance. Tipsy is moderately different culturally, certainly looks different, but is essentially like the humans who surround her. Despite this, she is ostracized. Although your point about why she is suddenly admitted is one I am, admittedly, toying with and have yet to come up with a complete explanation for myself, is not one that might be completely impossible. A large part of the JKR's series is devoted to acceptance and how the potter-universe slowly turns toward tolerance. If you have any passage from the books or anything from JKR about goblins and their magical capabilites, please notify me and I will be glad to rearrange my story to fit canon. Thank you very much for taking the time to review! I hope this answers all of your questions. Your criticisms are much appreciated and I hope that you continue to read and review.
I like the idea, and the descriptions. I like the way you illustrate what qualities goblins find attractive in contrast to humans. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks a million! :) When deciding to write this piece, I wanted to write something out of the average scope and really take time to exercise some description. I hope to have it in the queue in less than two weeks, but I have exams this coming week and the following. Anyway, thank you again!