What a cute story! And it's nice to see a story that's Peter and Remus-centric, instead of James and Sirius. I really like seeing a sweeter side of Peter, though you made him stay very IC anyway, worried what others will think. I thought it was a very cute touch to have the girl not be good-looking, and an original twist. Thanks for another sweet and thoroughly enjoyable fic!
Why did you put 'sexual situations' as a warning?
Aw, that was cute =] I really liked Remus' characterization and the way Peter is really cool and sweet. So much different than the wormtail that he is in the books. Good job, I really liked it!
Salad or Cellar Door,
I like this pairing you have chosen as well. Most people don’t give Peter a shot. On the whole, and I admit top doing this once myself, people forget him, which is a shame because he deserves some pity. He’s a man and men err, even if it’s over and over again. My first thought when I read your representation of Remus that he is rather cliché, but on second thought, you have portrayed this half-listening thing well. I feel the pity for Peter a bit, but I do the same thing to people that I know. You simply don’t want to listen when you know what they’re going to say. I’m laughing here with him wanting to finish the d*** chapter. He just wants to finish reading. I’m sorry; I’m the same way because I’ll starve myself to reach the ending.
I have to say that you are relying too much on the dialogue here because there are areas here where I feel as though you’re walking my through a script. There is so significant action matching the piece, so it doesn’t move, really. It might sound like I’m nitpicking here, but I’m not, even though it might sound that way. Remus used to be one of my favorite characters, especially when I read to enjoy the series, but these characters should be seen as people on the page. They do not, nor have they ever in the imagination, lived on a two-dimensional page. It’s not like Remus can’t joke. (Unless you’re like me and you truly lack that gene for a sense of humour). James and Sirius, for that matter, are not just jokesters. Human nature is not defined by one or two details. Really, though, fiction or any other story telling, needs that balance between narration, description and detail.
I like that you show Peter here, but as I said before,, you simply haven’t written this as a story. It looks like a script, without much of an explanation. You can’t really tell something and make it move by a ‘he said’/ ‘she said’, and I see you’ve done that all the way through. It’s rather like you have written for something that they had up here once like the ‘Monologue Challenge’, and that’s not wrong, but you might want to consider that factor in your further writing. You don’t want the scales weighing down neither too far left nor too far right. It’s quirky with speech to hint at the characterization, but you tell, no, show. You show the audience nothing. Think primary level show and tell. When you bought the huge turtle to class to show your perky teacher and overexcited friends, yeah?
I hope this helps. Consider it. Keep writing.
That was quite cute! How refreshing to see Peter as a real person and not some poor hanger-on with no personality. I liked that he had his own sense of humor and sarcasm. The way Remus had Peter share his feelings with the girl right behind him was clever. I would only point out that some words, like Muggle and perhaps even Marauder, should be capitalized. Nice job!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I've wanted to write a fic humanizing Peter for some time now, and the idea of throwing him in a romance came to me a few weeks ago. I love reading Marauder (notice capitalization? lol) fics, but it always bothers me when people show James and Sirius and even Remus treating him poorly. Surely, he wasn't the most popular of the Marauders, but they wouldn't hang out with him if they didn't like him, and the Marauders were popular as a group, so a lame Peter would have really dragged them down. I think it's important to show him with attributes that could easily turn into the Peter we know, but some redeeming qualities as well that would lead the Marauders to like him and trust him. The thing with Remus was an idea I've had for a while for no particular story at all, and it just naturally worked itself into this fic. I think I finally realized I needed someone clever like Remus to pull it off! Ooh, are those really capitalized? I'll have to go in for an edit, then. I forget which ones are proper nouns in the Potterverse. Thanks for letting me know! Many thanks for the review!
Nice one! I really liked it!
I can relate to Remus sooo much in this chap! The begining whne Peter was interrupting him and all he wanted to do was read!!! ^_^
And his way of having Peter declare to Janie was superb!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for 1) taking the time to read and review and 2) giving me my second review on here! I know, right?? I was in the middle of a really good book the other day when my friend kept texting me. I finally just stopped replying. (: Oops? Haha I'm glad you liked that surprise at the end. I've had that scenario floating around in my head fr a bit, and I just didn't have the right characters for it. When I started writing this fic, it sort of took on a life of its own, and eventually it turned out nothing like what I had originally planned, but this ending that had been floating around all of a sudden fit brilliantly into the story. I love it when stories write themselves for you! Again, thanks so much for your time! It means so, so much and I really appreciate it.