Never having played team sports myself, I don’t related strongly to Quidditch stories, but I decided to give this one a try, since your stories are always enjoyable to read.
Using the newspaper announcement as your prologue was a very effective device to introduce the premise of the story. It gives a complete, thorough background for the actions that constitute the rest of the tale. Once we readers are well grounded in the situation, then the particular challenges facing this particular group of teenagers can begin to be developed. Trying to feed this background into the body of the story, fact by fact, would have been less successful, and would have perhaps seemed artificial.
You have given us a large cast of characters, but we manage to keep them straight, thanks to their distinctive personalities. I appreciate that you have not depicted any of them as affectedly quirky. That would have been superfluous and would have distracted us readers from the focus of the story. When Isobel and her friends formed their own team, I was secretly hoping that they would somehow manage to turn Eleanor into some sort of a Quidditch player, but instead up popped Martin Babbitt, the hero from Ravenclaw, to fill the empty slot. But the story is far from finished, and I hope that Eleanor will have more of a role to play. It’s a stretch to believe, given the impulsive and rag-tag retain of this team, the Blackshucks, that they can win in the end, but that will depend on the storyteller’s are, will it not? The triumph of the underdogs?
You prose flows easily and naturally, nothing awkward or stilted. Descriptions of Quidditch games sound very knowledgeable, and these descriptions are just the right length; they give the flavor of the games, but do not drone on too long, with too much blow-by-blow commentary (since these games are not the focus of the story).
One often sees promising stories that, after a few tantalizing chapters, go into suspended animation, and we readers are left with nothing but our wonderings: “How do you suppose those characters ever solved their problem or met their challenge?” It’s sad to see something that might have been, but at the same time it spurs our imaginations: “How would I resolve this story?” Maybe someday you will finish it, Minna. That would be nice.
Why no more chapters? I was really enjoying this.
I like this story, but it's been a while since I read it last time. I can't wait for a new chapter, when will it come? Well done with placing the story so that there will be no Weaslys or Potters around. Great characters you've made, carry on.
Author's Response: Ack, sorry. I'm really awful at updating WIPs. The best I can say is "maybe sometime." (This? Is why I should not plan long chaptered WIPs). I am fond of these characters and their story though, so maybe I'll work on more soon (no promises >.>).
I love what you've done so far with this! This is as close to original fic you can get while still staying within the Potterverse. At first I thought you'd have some of the Weasley grandkids in there, (which would have been great I'm sure) but all OCs is much better, in my opinion. :D I'm excited to read more!!
Author's Response: Glad you're enjoying! And yes I stray pretty far from familiar grounds. No Weasley grandkids cos...idk it's not actually late enough in time for Weasley grandkids? Actually I deliberately set this so none of the Weasley grandkids would probably be associating with my characters because...I don't know, I wanted to give other people a chance or something. And yay, I hope I don't disappoint. =)
Minna -- I just finished reading the prologue and the two chapters. (I'm just reviewing this chapter because it hasn't got any reviews.)
And it's such an injustice that this has so few reviews! It deserves more, it really does. Even for me, a complete and utter sport-tard, I can see how hard you've worked on this and how much research has gone into it too. I mean, I'm trying to imagine how difficult it would be to write a story set in a country I've never been in. I've attempted it several times and it's never worked, so kudos to you for being able to do so, and so well, too :)
I really like all of your OCs and I think your strengths are definitely dialogue and organisation. Not once was I confused at where the story was going, and all the characters had their own personalities and are fully fleshed out. I think I like Eleanor the best -- she reminds me of me and how sportially illiterate I am! (And I know sportially isn't a word lol.)
I'm intrigued. I shall start betaing now :)
Author's Response: Aw thank you Soraya. <33 (And I'm a sport-tard too, I just like Quidditch). Personally, I love doing the research about other places, especially in the UK! I honestly tracked down a book called "The English Landscape" in order to have it in my life, and it has useful chapters about different bits of England - best, of course, when writing things set in the countryside. I worked/am working hard on characterization with this story, as in 'actually taking the time to flesh out OCs', so I am glad you like them. I identify with Eleanor best too, haha - if anyone in this story is self-insert, it's her. Anyway - thank you! Wasn't expecting you to read and review along with betaing.
Hi Minna :) First off, I'd like to say that I am from East Anglia, so it was nice to see some familiar places and it made me ridiculously excited, so thank you for picking such an obscure part of England :)
Secondly, I think it must be very hard to write a good Quidditch-centred fanfic without becoming dull or recycling old cliched, but you have managed it with such skill, and you've created a really entertaining piece. I salute you :D
It's so nice to see more of the wizarding world than Hogwarts/The Order, without it being overly confusing. Just perfect :)
Author's Response: Hey, there! =) And wow, did not expect to have so many people familiar with the area reading this - hope I'm not failing at my research! Eeep. Haha - I am familiar with that ridiculous excitement though. ;)
And I am sooo anxious about it becoming dull/me running out of ideas in future so let's not jinx it, lol. Glad you are entertained though! And yes - I lovelove nonstandard bits of the wizarding world, so this is something that will just keep on happening with my fics, lol. It *is* good to hear it's not confusing.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing - I hope you keep reading. =)
Hey minna, I thought I should review your chapters as I read the prologue ages ago and forgot to review.
First of all, huge applause for tackling this story. You've set yourself a task of writing a story that is all OC's, and about something not Hogwarts based. That is hard because, first off, you have to make us care for the characters as well as introduce them, and secondly it's not in an environment we're familar with.
I think you're doing both these things well. I started to make a connection with the Ravenclaw boy - and I'm wondering if they'll be a bit of romance between him and Isobel (or maybe Julia?).
Interested to see where you take the story. Your knowledge of Quidditch is good and I can tell you've done some research on the region. I have relatives in Norwich ... so sorry, I'm a Norfolk fan!
Good luck and well done with this original slant on the Potterverse ~Carole~
Author's Response: Hey, Carole. Glad you decided to review. =D
-Flails- You have no idea how long it took me to come up with all the characters. I think I started working on it last summer and I didn't finish working out the MCs till like October. I'm usually fairly crap at characterization, though, so I'm trying to work on that with this fic. =) Not Hogwarts based is right up my alley though - every time I try to write Hogwarts I get stalled. >.>
I am very glad you think I'm doing well so far. As for shipping - well, you'll have to find out. ;)
Quidditch is fun and, as you know, research is my addiction. And haha, I seem to be meeting all Norfolk fans. Maybe I'll have to write a sequel where a good Norfolk team wins - the current reigning champs are Slytherin team-like ratbags. Haha.
Will take that luck - and thanks for reading and reviewing.
Hi Minna :)
I was just going through the most recent and the summary caught my eye and then I saw it was yours so I read it. This is a really good idea for a story. I like the characters, and the quidditch-ness, and how you go further into the wizarding world than just the usual Hogwarts fic. Update!
Author's Response: Hey, Andi. Thanks for reading and reviewing. And I loove going farther into the wizarding world than the usual Hogwarts fic. ;) I will certainly update - I have chapters away with my beta, she just has a busy life.