Natalie, forgive me for not seeing this in your author page!!!!! I absolutely loved this, and I can see why it won! Great job. Sorry, but I just can't criticize anything about it. :) But hey, it's a nice review, right? ~Nagini
Author's Response: Yes, it is hahah! Thank you! :)
Um ... I thought I'd reviewed this. Seriously, I thought this was something I'd reviewed automatically. Obviously not (unless I did it in PA). Surprised because this is Draco, and as you know I'm on a Malfoy kick, especially when it comes to poetry and Draco's redemption.
Where shall I start? This kicks ass. Wow, that's literary of me - LOL.
Basically this is an amazing poem. Draco is such a complex character, because he's so horribly whiny and yet we see very clearly the beginnings of his redemption. Fie on those writers who only keep him a petulant ferret. He is more than that.
Wonderful. ~Carole~ (7, I think)
Author's Response: You kick ass. This review kicks ass. Literary is overrated, etc. This poem was the one which convinced me I could write poems. I love getting reviews for it! So, thank youuuuu, my fairy godmother. <33 We can continue our love/hate relationship with the ferret together.
First off all, this is a truly beautiful poem. It flows easily on a simple read and upon a second, there is a lot to uncover.
The connection between the beginning stanza and ending lines is interesting - how you match the "shard of glass" and the "debris" at the end. I think this really brings the poem together and shows how Draco is "falling apart" in a sense.
The sound repetitions throughout your third stanza (where you describe the various scenes from Draco's time with Voldemort) are very strong and help build the intensity and movement of your poem; I in paticular like "a friend consumed by fire, a monstrous face." I am not, actually, entirely sure of what you were personally referring to there, but I like the way that it can have multiple connotations; anything from Greyback, to his parents, to someone he sees get killed in the Final Battle, even to himself. Adding "a haunted home" was perfect for the last line - it is truly "haunting" how it just hangs on the end there, the 'h' repetition appropriately breathy, almost ghostlike itself.
If you do read these comments, what was your meaning behind "white and excruciating?" I like all the other juxtapositions of color and feeling, but I was not sure what you meant by that. I like your word choice here - as I read the build from cold to treacherous I could really imagine someone saying that, feeling that. The word "vivid" - a very different use of the word here from what most people do, but how fitting; of course it all must have been.
The capitalization of "His," placed with the words "cursed" and "salvation" gives an interesting religious undertone to this stanza. It shows the strange devotion the DEs have to their "Lord" and how, once you have been there, there is really no way to go back.
The back and forth in the last stanza - between the joy of the new world and a hero and the death of a son and then Draco's own shame again - is quick, but I think it works. After all, that's how it is in real war, isn't it? Everything happening at once, and a mix of all these feelings that you can't quite seperate from each other.
Well, I think I've said enough! I'm studying poetry in English right now so I'm in proper poetry-reviewing mood and after reading this, I wanted to share what I thought. It really seems you put a lot of work into this poem and, in my opinion, it paid off
Author's Response: Hello Claire! I am sorry it took me so long to reply. Had exams and stuff. >.> But now that they are over, I can respond with a relaxed mind. First off, thank you so much for the amazing review! I have to say that it considerably lightened up my dark, exam-stressed mood. I meant the ‘monstrous face’ to suggest Voldemort, as his facial features are less-than-ideal, but it’s good that it means different things to different people. Draco did have a lot to fear, didn’t he? And, the white in “white and excruciating” signifies pain. I used it because of expressions like “white hot pain”, which I often come across. Plus, there’s something about the intense, blinding reaction to pain which makes me think of a glare of light. I’m so glad you picked the religious tone in “His”, along with the other words. The Death eaters’ reverene for their “Lord” seems to be such an act of fearsome devotion – he’s almost like a god to them, and as you said, it’s something you can’t back out of. This poem actually took less effort to write compared to the others on my page, like The Clarion Call and My Black Brother, and I wasn’t quite sure how it would be received. It makes me smile everytime someone says they liked it. Thanks for reading! ~Natalie
If you look down a lil' bit, you will find that I've reviewed this one before. BUT that was when my reviews were terrible and now I shall give you a proper one.
One thing I love about this poem is that it truly shows what the effects of the war of on Draco. It makes me almost shudder how well you did this.
Your lines, they flow so well. The whole poem is by far the best I have ever read, ever *apologizes to everyone else's poems I've reviewed - I still love you* . The poem flows like a river. HAHA terrible terrible simile. Did that brighten you up a little? :D
In all seriousness, I do adore this poem so very much. It is probably the best piece of work (I think) on this website. Truly.
You have the characterisation so spot on, it's . . . not even funny. Really, JK Rowling should take this poem, publish it, and you would earn millions and millions of dollars. Wouldn't that be nice?
This poem really shows Draco. I think Draco Malfoy should come over and give you a hug for truly capturing him. Would you enjoy that? Would that show you how good this poem is?
Or maybe, maybe your face would be on the Galleon for writing the best HP poem ever.
Or maybe, you should get 12% of every Harry Potter fan (in the whole world)'s money for truly inspiring them.
Natalie, this poem makes me love Harry Potter so much more. It makes me want to go and read DH again and again. It makes me want to go post a thread or something in the forums. I think I will do that now.
Natalie, this poem inspires me to live. Seriously. Because there's people out there with talent. Like you. And you have to find it. It makes me want to relish mine, whatever it is.
I could write so much about this poem, but I really can't find the words. So I think at this point that I will bid you a good day, hug you, tell you how much I love you (in a non weird sort of way) and be off.
Have a good day Natalie.
Me luvs you!
I bet I'm creeping you out. I'm not like that...I swear.. :D
Author's Response: First of all, you're not creeping me out. Secondly, GAAAAAHHH! Do you think JKR would let me publish and earn the millions? YIPPIE! The idea itself makes me float in ecstasy.
Thank you for all the kind reviews, Megan. Believe me, it is a great feeling to experience such lovely, energetic compliments. Makes an entire week for me, to be honest. I am happy you liked it. I think it is my best poem yet. :) *hugs* I loves you, too!
I absolutely adore this poem! You did a wonderful job! ;) Congrats! You deserved to WIN the qsq! Brilliant!
Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for this energetic review. :D:D Reviews like these are already a form of victory. ;)
So emotional, tragic, and well-written...Exactly how I imagine Draco to feel after the defeat of Voldemort. The word choice and imagery are also really good, and the whole thing flows perfectly.
A haunted home.
This in particular is so strikingly true about them.
Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review. :) Glad you liked the word choice, imagery and flow. I usually overload my poems with imagery and have trouble with flow. :(
Whoa. I LOVE IT! I usually have a hard time with free verse, but this just nails it! This is fantastic! What did it for me was the repetition of the single lines in the next stanza - I am now naked, Amoung other things, I am now cursed, etc. Setting that as a stand-alone and then going into more detail in the next stanza is briliiant and really details what you were trying to say.
The list of crimes was wonderful, and I love the stanza with the colours. :)
This is very emotional, and no more so than the last four lines. Just, wow. Very powerful. Great, great work. I can't think of anything I would change, it's just a wonderful poem. You are very talented at free verse!
Author's Response: *glomp*
I know you don't enjoy free verse, so I feel it is a huge accomplishment to have you writing such a great review. :D:D Glad you liked the single lines and their repetition; that was something I didn't intend to use because I originally wanted only the last line to be a single line, but I decided to take a risk as it does make you stop, think and be ready for the next stanza. And the colours! Colours are a major part of my poetry; you'll find them in most of the poems I've 'published' till now. :D
Again, thanks for the wonderful review!
Oh, lordy, I love this poem. I think I told you that, but I'll gush again, just because this was your first read/review. :D
I think that this bit is my favourite:
You and he and she and I
Will always remember
I was His servant.
It just expounds the finality of what he had done and that there was no taking back that tattoo on his arm. The last stanza, in general, was wonderful, but those lines were ultra-fantastic.
I really like how you rehashed all of the horrible things that he had seen while under Voldemort's thumb, plus what had come from that.
In the first stanza, when you say 'A mask
Blown asunder.' it just makes me think of how Draco's life had been such a delicately crafted ruse of making others think that he was in control, that he was strong and well-connected. Of course, it was nearly all lies, especially considering the toll that the war and servitude to the Dark Lord took on the entire Malfoy family. Then again, I shall not weep for Lucius, as he did steal Legolas's hair. That's just not right. :D
Anyway, lovely poem, and I'm excited to review first. I heart you, milady, and I hope your weekend without internet isn't too long a wait. I shall miss you!
Hearts and stuff,
Author's Response: "Then again, I shall not weep for Lucius, as he did steal Legolas's hair. That's just not right. :D"
*lapses into a fit of the cackles*
Thank you for such a detailed, delicious review, Jess. Whatever you said was what I intended to convey, and hoped for the reader to grasp. :) As you know, I didn't go away during the weekend. >.> But yay for the R&R again.