This was really beautifully written! You captured Tom so well and your word choice and imagery was just perfect.
When my monster rises to glory,
My hatred fires my heart,
Thirst suffuses my soul. I think this was my favourite part - the way you showed a part of the Tom --> Voldemort transformation.
Initially I wasn't really sure who the woman was - I had to check the reviews to see if I was right! Anyway, Minerva was a really good choice and I can see how their characters would work together. It's very sad that he takes her memories at the end, but also so typical of Tom - I'm sure he wouldn't want anyone to know that he'd succumbed to the "weakness" of love.
As another reviewer said, sometimes I found the repetition a little too much... but otherwise this was a beautiful poem!!
Author's Response: Hello Katrina! This must be the curse of refrains. Lol. I’ll definitely need to revisit this poem soon and see if I can take out a few of the repeated lines. I’m glad you bought the pairing for this poem. I wrote it for a challenge which requires us to make a nonsensical non-canon pairing sound not so nonsensical. I’m having a sigh of relief here. : ) Thanks for the lovely review! ~Natalie
I have to admit, when I read this on the boards, I wasn't sure who the woman was. I think I know now, and I think you've hit on a fascinating pairing. There is a great story in this poem, if that makes sense. Are you going to do more with the whole one-night-of-stolen-memories idea?
I really like the flow of the poem, but I wonder if there is just a bit too much repetition. I usually love repetition, but it might overwhelm the poem here.
Otherwise, you totally nailed Tom Riddle and like I said - fascinating story! Good luck in the challenge! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: I...completely forgot I had reviews to respond to. *fail* Tom/Minerva has been a guilty pleasure of mine for far too long; I had to write it as the challenge seemed like a golden opportunity. I do have an unfinished one-shot somewhere…Anyway, you might be right about the repetition. When I wrote it, I wanted it sound more like a madman’s chant. I pictured Tom sitting in a corner, playing the memories around his head, which admittedly isn’t the best place to peep into. But I’ll definitely look at it again and see how it can be edited. Thanks for the lovely review! I definitely want to write a one-shot on this two. :) ~Natalie
It is long, but very powerful, I love the repitition of The day is the day and then tis night is the night. It takes on such a sinister turn and I was wondering if anything else had happened apart from 'Obliviate' (shudder) Hmm, what had she discovered about him? Was it the Basilisk? Or perhaps she realised he was using her? I feel strongly for Minerva here, denied love and her memories. She comes across in the books as someone sadly thwarted in love but also one that has few regrets. i think you showed her character very well here.
Great poem and well worth the read, Natalie. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Carole, First of all, thank you for your superhuman effort! It is very long. I wrote it when I was at the office, supposed to be working, but something possessed me to write this. Perhaps it was Gropius. Seriously, though, I enjoyed writing it. Remember that In-house comp where we had to write fics based on banners? I picked BB's Voldy/Minerva, but never finished it (and have now lost the draft). Because I'm canon-anointed, I always knew it was going to end with Tom taking her memories, and then forgetting everything himself with the murders and whatever else he goes on to to. She comes across in the books as someone sadly thwarted in love but also one that has few regrets This is what I feel, too. Thanks for reading and reviewing! ~Natalie