I think it's pretty amazing you've written not one, but three sonnets that string together and tell an actual story. That it's about Harry and Draco is even more amazing. Did I believe in the ship? Hmm. I think I preferred them at a certain club. ;)
All jokes aside, I thought the form of this poem was great, and the rhythm almost always spot on. There were a few places where I tripped but reading it again I don't know that my initial suggestions would work better so I'm not going to make any, sorry, lol.
Draco's character really came out as remorseful and bitter. The only thing that seemed off was when he 'let my show the strange new feelings stirring in my mind.' I can see it, but only if it's wrenched out of him in some fiery confrontation. But then you beat him down in the last couplet, and I thought that was quite the appropriate ending for him. Heh heh.
Really good poem, twin. You've got a knack for sonnets and rare pairs! ~Gina :)
I don't know if 300-something words would ever sell me on a ship, but those ever dreaded 'between the lines' connotations are necessary. The line in question was said by Draco via 'beer goggles'. You notice the difference between the way he thinks of Harry after the hearing and how it changes as they work their way down to the bottom of the bottle. That's why it seems a bit off and Draco gets all flowery. :D
Honestly, I set out to write ONE sonnet, but I didn't even believe in these two after the first one, so I decided to add another one for more emphasis. That, er, didn't cut it, so three it was. Yay for Drarry and their eventual Witches 'n' B!tches encounter!!!
Heart you, Twin!
I have never been very good at poems but why would Harry feel used?
Apparently you've never been taken out on a 'date', liquored up, and had the moves put on you. XD
Essentially, Harry thinks that Draco is taking the piss and mocking him, even after everything that Harry had done for him. The idea that Draco actually felt something for him wouldn't have even occurred to Harry. Hope that clears things up. :)
Hehehe. I had to review; I was planning to ‘crit’ it for March anyway.
So, I was obviously interested in this poem because I’d written Draco/Harry as well using the same POV. My only thought when I reached the end of the poem was this: Dammit! This is much better than mine.
There are poems which are beautifully written, and then there are poems which are a joy to read. This one belonged to both. The rhyming is nicely done, the feelings are nicely explored, and the story is well-told. I also loved your turns of phrase. A few of them are un-poetic – “I ask him if he’ll have a drink with me”; others are inherently so – “Those lively eyes that shine so picturesque”. Yet, they blend in beautifully.
This was a great job, Jess! I think it ties with the Greyback poem for my favourite poem from you.
P.S.: This is my 150th review. :D
Squee! A review!
Squee, your 150th review!
Squee! This poem doesn't suck!
I have no idea what prompted me to write it. I was clicking along on a Katie/Oliver chapter, and suddenly I opened a new doc and out it came. I almost always default to the sonnet, even though structure wasn't exactly necessary, but I think it worked well in this instance.
The difference between the 'I ask him if..." line and the 'Those lively eyes' line was meant to be Draco was thinking a bit more clearly, but once he got some booze in him, his brain started scampering to and fro, coming to a lot of strange conclusions. We all think we're smooth when we're drunk, hehe.
I'm glad you like the poem, and thanks for being my first review! Luv ya!