Reviews For Whirlwind
Reviewer: lunar-eclipse
Date: 05/23/11 13:08
Chapter: An Accidental Vacation

Wow. I really love your work, but usually I'm too lazy to log in and review. Not this time! I really like this story, because it explores a little seen character, Lucy. However, being Greek, I have a few quips. Your grammar is a little messy, but most people wouldn't know. I only know because my Greek School teacher was literally insane about those things. Also, ouzo? Sweet? I snuck some of that stuff with my cousins Jason and Irene back when I was eight, and it tasted like acid liqourice. Over all this is a very good story! I'm impressed.

Reviewer: lunar-eclipse
Date: 05/23/11 13:08
Chapter: An Accidental Vacation

Wow. I really love your work, but usually I'm too lazy to log in and review. Not this time! I really like this story, because it explores a little seen character, Lucy. However, being Greek, I have a few quips. Your grammar is a little messy, but most people wouldn't know. I only know because my Greek School teacher was literally insane about those things. Also, ouzo? Sweet? I snuck some of that stuff with my cousins Jason and Irene back when I was eight, and it tasted like acid liqourice. Over all this is a very good story! I'm impressed.

Reviewer: lunar-eclipse
Date: 05/23/11 13:08
Chapter: An Accidental Vacation

Wow. I really love your work, but usually I'm too lazy to log in and review. Not this time! I really like this story, because it explores a little seen character, Lucy. However, being Greek, I have a few quips. Your grammar is a little messy, but most people wouldn't know. I only know because my Greek School teacher was literally insane about those things. Also, ouzo? Sweet? I snuck some of that stuff with my cousins Jason and Irene back when I was eight, and it tasted like acid liqourice. Over all this is a very good story! I'm impressed.

Author's Response: Hahaha! Sorry about those Greek-errors. I did do my research, though, and it told me it was sweet. I apologise for the Greek. I don't speak it at all, but I needed it so I got help from online translators. I know those aren't very reliable, but I didn't have much of a choice. To tell you the truth, I was actually kinda hoping that someone would come along and correct it for me. :D Thanks for leaving the review, though. Sometimes, I get pretty lazy to leave review as well. :/

~Natalie

Reviewer: MerrryD
Date: 03/31/11 1:58
Chapter: Meeting on the Tube

Hi. I feel like I need some sort of introduction to this review, but I’m at an utter loss of how to begin it.

I really like this story. I really like your writing style. It’s smooth, natural, and precise. Or perhaps that’s just your characterization of Lucy (it is Lucy, isn’t it? God, you have no idea how long it took me to find that name). The beginning says so much about her, with that exact detailing of how she will get home, how long it will take, and her other options. To me, that says she’s a bit lonely and a bit unhappy. (Enter Lorcan! ;D)

There’s some awkward wording in the third paragraph—So, you’ll understand… This sudden and singular address of the reader threw me a bit. I think you could very easily edit it out and it would make that part flow much nicer. Also, He was just a blur of flesh and clothes, while I do like this whole sentence, there’s something very corpse-like of the word flesh. I think something like “body parts” or even “skin” would create the same effect in the sentence without the eeriness of flesh. Of course, that’s just my opinion.

But then he stopped right in front of me, and I had to concentrate till he became a whole.


I just really like this sentence. I have this beautiful picture in my mind of a collage of a human slowly rearranging itself and coming into focus. We, the readers, learn so much about Lucy from this sentence. I can’t help but wonder why Lucy’s so introverted and seems to have little-to-no human interaction. It’s also the first part where I felt any real emotion for the protagonist—sympathy, maybe a bit of pity, and definitely some understanding.

I stared at him, trying to recall, mentally checking off his features.


I like the ‘mentally checking’ part because I feel like that’s something that connects her to Percy. Like, I can tell that she’s his daughter. It just makes sense. (If the narrator isn’t Lucy, I’m going to feel sooo stupid).

While I’m on that subject, I love the anonymity of her. It’s just so perfect. She craves being unknown so much—she takes nearly an hour longer to get home to avoid being seen by people who might recognize her. It’s really brilliant that we don’t even know who she is. I hope later in the story when she gains a sense of self and some life that she’ll have an identity. Stylistically and metaphorically, that would be so perfect.

Your characterization of Lorcan is really well done. I think he has enough of Luna, with being so calm about just following Lucy around, but it’s not over the top. We can see his family in him, but he’s still his own person. Luna’s such a hard character to write and imagine her son would be too (I’ve never tried), so I’m impressed.

Maybe, I had succeeded -he leaned back on his seat and closed his eyes, looking annoyingly satisfied with the world. Then something nagged me.


heehee. I love this because you’ve managed to convey that there’s something about Lorcan that ‘gets under her skin’ or whatever without actually saying that. I love how simply you show her unidentified attraction, for lack of a better phrase.

I like that when they met the Scamanders lived in Greece, but now they live in Egypt. It’s really good, subtle characterization of Luna. Tiny details like that make stories so much better. It feels more like you’re creating this whole world, instead of just writing about Lucy and Lorcan. Does that make sense?

Lucy’s embarrassment and awkwardness in contrast to Lorcan’s cool nonchalance is wonderful. I can see them talking on the train, she red and stuttering; he amused and calm. It sets up a really nice dynamic between the two of them.

I love the kiosk scene for two reasons. One, the nod to Carole, of course. *giggles* And two, her reaction to the girls’ reaction to Lorcan. It’s so natural. She didn’t even think about his attractiveness until she heard the other girls, and then she start worrying about how she looked and what they would think of him. This just says so much about her. Appearances don’t matter that much to her, until she’s worried about what other people will think. The black pants and brown shoes did make me wince though. :P

But it was constructing itself at the speed of light as we twisted on the spot, and it was with a frightening clarity that I could see the white sand, the stark blue sea, and the half-built sand-castle, forgotten between a sudden kiss and a burning blush.


THIS. I have been waiting this whole review to talk about this. It’s just. ♥ The imagery is gorgeous. I particularly like how the colours stand out, yet seem to blur together, as they do while an image is being formed. The pace of the sentence—and it’s length—reflect the action and how Lucy’s emotions. It’s just so beautiful and exciting and hopeful.

I’m so excited to read the next chapter, you have no idea. :]

--Mere

Author's Response: Mere!

I don't think we've connected online yet, although we seem to share a lot of friends. :)

First of all, thank you this gorgeous review! To be honest, I'm glad I got it after the story had been completed, because I'd have panicked not knowing how to continue. I am really happy you found my characterisation convincing; it's one thing I want to do very well. Lorcan was harder to write than Lucy, especially because he is Luna's son. Yes, I definitely agree that Luna is very tough to write.

Lucy has been a bit of a morose pet of mine. o.O I'd actually planned a long, dramatic and angsty fic for her love life (and other), but THIS happened. *Sigh* I hope you liked reading the rest of the story. And that part you quoted was my favourite to write. :)

~Natalie

Reviewer: Hopes Mom
Date: 03/26/11 16:07
Chapter: Epilogue

Not a usual pairing but a reallly good story! Thank you for writing!

Reviewer: Hopes Mom
Date: 03/26/11 15:59
Chapter: Epilogue

Not a usual pairing but a reallly good story! Thank you for writing!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)

~Natalie

Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 03/21/11 18:47
Chapter: Epilogue

Lovely, lovely story! Oh, you've brought Lucy to life so well. She developed so dramatically over each chapter, and yet it never really seemed forced or unnatural. You've got such a winner in Lorcan! I LOVE him!! And I am still so impressed with your knowledge of Greece. The butterflies were particularly impressive. :)
Great story, Natalie. Carole is a lucky lady! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: The butterflies! Yes, that I knew because of a Sidney Sheldon novel. Can't remember which one it was. I do think the real Pateloudes mostly has moths, but I needed colours. I'm sooooo happy both Lucy and Lorcan are well-received by you all, because this story, as I keep saying, was written in such a rush. The original idea I had for them was a long, drawn-out drama. But...I think I like this better, and I see an Evil Twin Sequence coming up in the near future, anyway.

~Natalie

Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 03/21/11 10:58
Chapter: An Accidental Vacation

Fun! First of all, loved the Apparating bit. If it were possible, I'm SURE there would be laws against it. That was well done. And second of all, I'm glad you've voiced Lucy's doubts, since it would seem unrealistic to not have them, especially for her character. There seems to be something more to Lorcan going on, I can't wait to see what it is. Of course, now that Lucy has had a bit of ouzo (which I looked up to see if that was your own concoction or not - how do you know so much about Greece?!) things might get even more interesting with him. *eyes warnings* Hee hee - lovely! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Heeheehee-ing at your last line. :D

Yes! The Apparition. Now, if I had time, I'd put this up on the Ref Desk or check out the discussions on magical transport in RR, but I had limited time, so I decided to make my own rules. How do I know so much about Greece? GOOGLE! ;) I'm glad you liked how Lucy and Lorcan are developing in such cramped writing! *sigh of relief*

~Natalie

Reviewer: hushpuppy22
Date: 03/20/11 23:16
Chapter: Epilogue

Fabulous!

Author's Response: Thanks! Glad you liked it. :)

~Natalie

Reviewer: hushpuppy22
Date: 03/20/11 23:14
Chapter: From Tunnels to the Open Sky

That was a completely magnificent chapter, the ending particularly.

Author's Response: Oh that makes me happy to hear that! :D Once again, thanks for the R&R.

~Natalie

Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione
Date: 03/20/11 23:09
Chapter: Epilogue

Another day, and another fic by Natalie appears on the most recent list... I don't know how you manage to write so many fics!! Particularly considering I'm yet to read something bad or even mediocre...

I really enjoyed this fic, I think I particularly loved Lucy's characterisation - it's understandable to feel 'just normal' when you're in a family such as the Weasley's, and I loved that she realised that she hadn't been giving and therefore hadn't been taking... I think people often think they're the only one who feels a certain way and don't realise that that's just being selfish.

Lorcan was interesting - I could definitely see some Luna in there! I also think he was perfect for Lucy, as she was so uptight and he so relaxed.

I loved the ending line and how it connected back to the beginning and her wanting to feel anonymous etc. Good job on tying that in.

I do wonder though, was Lucy a little bit too snappy/mean to Lorcan? I mean, I understand that she hadn't seen him for a long time and that she was thrown, but she just seemed a little... uptight. I guess that was her personality, though, and that Lorcan helped her let go of it.

Anyway, once again your brilliance astounds me!

~Katrina

Author's Response: Hahaha! Between you and me, I've actually slowed down. Last year, I was a fanfiction factory. o.O It took me less than two years to get into that Top Ten Most Prolific Authors list, so...yes. I can be quite scary.

I'm so happy you liked this, too, because I wasn't sure about it. In my mind, their love story was a drawn out affair, the courtship lasting for over a year, but I got writing and this happened instead. Lucy is uptight, yes! And you're absolutely right in saying that she is selfish, too. I dunno if you have read my other Next Gen fic 'One Day in the Life Of', but the first chapter is about her, and that provides more of a background for her character.

Also, yes, I modelled Lorcan after Luna. I'm thinking of a sequel with the twin in it, but that might take me another friend's birthday. LOL.

Thanks for the R&R.

~Natalie

Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 03/20/11 17:47
Chapter: Meeting on the Tube

Cuuuuute! It took me a while to figure out who the narrator was, but I've got her now. So what were they doing in Greece together, exactly? Just curious. They are obviously heading back. I hope they don't splinch!
Lovely start, Natalie. I'll review properly nearer the end. Look forward to reading more! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: YAY! So glad you came and read it. :) I hope you like how the whole thing turns out. The title is no misnomer. Lol!

~Natalie

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 03/20/11 14:46
Chapter: From Tunnels to the Open Sky

I guess I'm slow. I don't know. Someone just appears out of nowhere, follows a girl and they end up in Greece "transcending." I'm a risk taker but Lucy is pretty lucky that this guy isn't some kind of degenerate. And why haven't they mentioned the brother. Strange, but I want to read more.

Author's Response: If you break it down to its bare minimum, it does sound insane. :) But I think we should perhaps think of the circumstances. Lucy never took a risk in her life, and Lorcan is somebody she knew already, albeit they hadn't met for over a decade. She knows his family, his family knows hers - they aren't complete strangers. They had shared something 'special', and Lorcan is, I should point out, much like his mother. So, he follows her to say 'hi' in his own fashion, but doesn't talk much. She invites him to dinner because he's alone in London, and she feels obligated because they do know each other. And then, by accident, she takes him to Greece - by accident. But he doesn't take advantage of her, so I think we can allow here that Lorcan, though unusual, is neither insane nor psychotic. :D

They did mention the brother - a lot. Lysander is mentioned in at least two chapters. But he isn't there, and isn't an important part of the story. They don't talk about him for the same reason they don't talk about a lot of other people.

Oh well. Lol. Thanks for reviewing! Any crit is welcome to me, and I do love to talk about my story.

Natalie (who really must get back to those essays...)

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 03/20/11 14:13
Chapter: An Accidental Vacation

I'm trying to put all the puzzle pieces into place but I'm not getting anywhere. I'll just have to read on. Interesting though.

Author's Response: Acck! I'm sorry for not responding to your other reviews - RL is such a meanbag - but I had to respond to this one! Lucy's Percy's daughter, and Lorcan's Luna's son. The fic is set in 2032. Lucy's been a loner all her life, and Lorcan is...well, Luna's son. Lol. I hope this information is enough! Maybe, things will clear up in the third chapter. This fic was written for somebody who is familiar with my Next-Gen Universe (on which I've a chaptered fic up called One Day in the Life Of), so I get your confusion. :( Hope you enjoy the rest!

(And thanks for your other reviews!)

~Natalie (who's now going back to her college essays)

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 03/20/11 13:54
Chapter: Meeting on the Tube

Mystery. Mystery. Mystery. Who are these people and where do they fit in? I love a mystery.

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 03/20/11 13:07
Chapter: Epilogue

Ahhhhh, wonderful. But if she doesn;t take the tube again, then I won't see her, or all the little Scamander/Weasley children.

Perfect, perfect story. *sigh*

Author's Response: I'm planning an evil sequel, so she might take the tube again. Hmmm. Glad you enjoyed it!

~Natalie

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 03/20/11 13:02
Chapter: From Tunnels to the Open Sky

OH MY BLOODY HELL. That scene is just amazing. Woe, you write 'sexual situations' so well. Ooozing with sexual tension, lust and just the utter beauty of sex - ha ha. Forgive me, I'm wittering and I've now more or less forgotten the rest of the chapter. You just write so bloody well.

Abraxans ... yes, I remember them. I really liked that touch. It was lovely to think of them on a flying horse. I'd also forgotten what Lucy was like in your oneshot about her until she mentioned the crush on Albus. I nearly cried when she talked about being ordinary. Poor Lucy. And I liked the butterflies too. You wrote that so wonderfully, I could literally see them dancing in front of me. And it's totally Alex Pettyfer now - ha ha ha - I need to think who would be Lucy.

Natalie, I am honoured to have this story as a birthday present. Thank you, a thousand times. ~Carole~

Author's Response: 'Woe'? D: I'm hoping that's a typo and you meant 'WOW'. Heeheehee. I was actually worried that the 'sexual situations' weren't going right. Sooooo happy you liked this fic, and all those touches I added.

~Natalie

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 03/20/11 12:40
Chapter: An Accidental Vacation

Why is Lorcan being such an arse! Merlin, he teases her because he knows they won't get into trouble and now he won't let her have a drink. Men are infuriating!

Author's Response: Heeheehee. Don't be too harsh on him. He was just trying to be non-Lovegood-y for once.

~Natalie

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 03/20/11 11:32
Chapter: Meeting on the Tube

Those boarding school books. I don't suppose you know when they'll be published ... do you?

This is fantastic. Original and intriguing. I love the backstory, and Lorcan is makingme smile. I keep imagining Alex Pettyfer ... Grat story

THANK YOU! (and the summary made me tear up a bit) ~Carole/aka Oracle Swatter~

Author's Response: Heeheehee is all I have to say. And Alex Pettyfer...YES! Did you manage to find Lucy?

~Natalie

Reviewer: welshdevondragon
Date: 03/20/11 10:55
Chapter: An Accidental Vacation

You've set this story in two of my favourite places in the world (London- particularly on the District Line and Greece) so I'm glad I started reading it. Your writing flows really smoothly, and I loved the detailed description of the Tube and Lorcan's discomfort.

I'm not quite sure what to make of Lucy. She's kind of been rushed off her feet from the moment we meet her, so she seems rather confused, although I like the way that Lucy swears a lot- it's not something you'd expect from Percy's daughter. Lorcan seems--nice in a creepy sort of way- I'm intrigued to see where this is going. Alex

Tiny Brit-pick- in chapter 1, when she paid for the gum the shopkeeper gave the price in pounds and cents rather than pounds and pence.

Author's Response: First off, thanks for the Brit-pick! I could edit that before the Original BritPicker of all Time came and read it. Hehe. I do agree on the rushed characterisation. The thing is, this is a too short version of the original plan I had for the two, much more cheerful, too. Plus, I wrote it for someone who was already familiar with my version of Lucy (from my other fic 'One Day in the Life Of'. I was crunched for time, and thus things got a bit hurried.

I hope you read and enjoyed the other chapters. Lol!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

~Natalie

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