Reviewer: godessoftrees
Date: 08/06/11 16:52
Chapter: A Message from the Dark Lord

This was again, very well written. I don't know how Michael would know that the Order members are in fact members of the Order. That was all kept very hush hush. That's the only problem I had. I enjoyed these chapters a lot.

Author's Response: Thanks for your comments! As for your comment about the Order, Owen's father and mother were members of the Order, and therefore taught Owen all about the group. When Voldemort returned, they decided not to rejoin because they deemed it too dangerous to join the Order, as they were afraid of being caught and of Owen being orphaned. Hope this explains some!

Reviewer: godessoftrees
Date: 08/06/11 16:41
Chapter: An Evening in the Common-Room

This is very well written. I'm interested to see where you're going to take it.

Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione
Date: 04/19/11 5:02
Chapter: An Evening in the Common-Room

I think this is an interesting start for a story. I like the idea of showing the Battle from the perspective of a younger student, who isn't at all connected to the DA and isn't necessarily aware of what is going on in the wider wizarding community.

Somehow I didn't feel that you quite captured the terror of the Carrows - you often mentioned words such as "terrified", but you don't show much how they affected the students. Perhaps you could have focussed more on Bailey's cut and how it affects her emotionally/mentally.

I think you conveyed the mixture of anticipation and fear that Michael felt at the end, when he was told to get up. That part was written well.

Also, another small thing - it seemed a little odd that Michael only referred to Bailey by name (of the students), and others were described as "the curly haired boy" or something like that - I imagine that after 3 years in the Ravenclaw dormitory, he would know the names of some others, and just that would add something I think.

Anyway, I hope you don't think I've been too negative in this review, that's not what I intended, because I think you have a great idea here which could just be a bit better.

~Katrina

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the great review! I will definately fix those little errors, and try to improve the emotions of the next chapter. Again, thanks so much! ~Zack

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Severus's Prince by DestinyMoonStar Professors
What does Severus Snape do when a one night stand turns into a baby boy? ...
The Youngest Death Eaters: Year III by DestinyMoonStar 6th-7th Years
Year 3 A year of hard choices and tough talks: Destiny learns about...
Allegiance by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
During his final year at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy had few illusions about where...
FEATURED
The Pretender by littlebird Professors
She feels the familiar pang of disappointment that they've never been better...
A Light in the Gap by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
When Harry woke that first morning in Grimmauld Place, he wondered if Ron and...
Tapestry by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
As Walburga Black stitches, Sirius rebels. Two poems written about the infamous...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
CATEGORIES