this story was so beautiful...it made me feel like crying! keep posting :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review! I am so happy you enjoyed the story. xx Ariana
This chapter nearly had me in tears again.
He never knew living could hurt this much. I really loved this line. It summed up exactly how Dennis was feeling, and I like the fact that you didn't say "maybe life wasn't worth living" or something like that, because that's done so often and I think what you wrote is probably more realistic.
There are some wonderful details in this story. Colin had always wanted a scar like Harry’s, a mark that he had done something to make the world a better place. I was so glad you included that - it just adds so much to Colin's character and, as I said in my first review, I do see a connection between Colin and Harry. I think Colin would have died to save the wizarding world with as little hesitation as Harry.
It felt as though a part of him was being buried too, as though he could never quite be whole without Colin. I loved this line, too. It's a little cliched, but it worked really well in your story because you had already established how much of Dennis' identity was formed by being Colin's brother in the first chapter.
“Everyone needed a reason to fight, Dennis. And you were Colin’s.” What a beautiful way to finish the story. It connects so wonderfully with the title and the end of the previous chapter.
Sometimes Henry's dialogue didn't quite flow to me or seem quite realistic... particularly the line The three of us tried to do our part for the war together, and we did well most of the time. I can't quite put my finger on what doesn't seem right, sorry, but it just didn't seem quite realistic.
Also, why would Dennis never see Will again? Presumably they would both be at Hogwarts together. The only reason I can think of is that Will's parents would want to keep him away from magic after the pain it caused him, but if that's the case, I think it would be better if you explained that.
Anyway, this is a fantastic story and you've really managed to get an emotional response from the reader and you've portrayed the characters so well.
Author's Response: It means so much that you've reviewed all chapters of this story. I'm so happy you liked the details of this. I was worried that the epilogue wasn't good enough to submit as part of this story, because I wrote it some time after I had already finished the other two. I'll have a look at Henry's dialogue, it might be a bit too formal for him. Regarding Dennis and Will…he might *see* him again, literally, but he realizes that they're going to lose the brotherhood bond they shared. Will isn't going to be a second-year, since he didn't even do one year of schooling, so he'll be six years behind Dennis. They won't be in the same House, because sadly Will is more of a Claw (well, not sadly, Ravenclaw is a wonderful House). He'll make new friends, because in the end what they shared was their being hidden when they both wished so desperately otherwise. The don't have a 'friendship', per se, more of a brotherhood, so in a way Dennis has lost two brothers. Sorry for that long, complicated, and probably incomprehensible response :). As always, thank you so so much for your lovely review! xx Ariana
I really liked the way you showed the relationships between the three boys and the roles they play - Justin seems to have taken on the role of the leader, as Colin looks to him to see what they'll do. Colin is loyal to both of them and possibly has the most courage and Henry almost seems like an over-enthusiastic child who has to be kept in check. Well that's my interpretation of them anyway. Colin seems to be the glue between the others in a way. It's interesting, too, that you've picked three boys, because even though they've known each other for less time, they have become like brothers.
â€śButâ€¦â€ť He was drowning in his own argument, unable to keep his mind from recognising the truth in Justinâ€™s words. I couldâ€™ve stayed with Dennis, he thought bitterly. It wouldâ€™ve been the same thing. And now that he let himself think about it, he realised that there was no way the three of them could have survived for so long if they had truly been engaged in the war. This was just heartbreaking, because Colin so obvoiusly has always wanted to be involved and play his part. It's interesting because he probably felt so mature and adult when he first went off without Dennis - with a sense that he could actually change things - and this shows him feeling like a child. It's a nice comparison.
A little nitpick - Justinâ€™s coat was now completely drenched, though Colin knew that didnâ€™t matter him now. It should say "matter to him now". Also, you've used now in the next sentence (Henry's eyes were closed now). The repetition is a bit jarring and I think the second sentence would be more effective without the now anyway.
I loved the last line, it gave a lovely sense of Colin realising that some things are worth fighting for, and tied this chapter in very well with the previous one.
I'm looking forward to the last chapter!
Author's Response: Yay, thanks for leaving another review! Writing the three boys is my favorite. You're right in your assessments of them. I think Justin was more the leader maturity-wise, but Colin led them both with his courage and determination. Henry is Henry :) . I loved writing him, he's a true Gryffindor at heart, maybe more of a daredevil then a fighter, but a good man all the same. Thank you so much for pointing out the typos/lack of flow with sentences, I just got done from fixing them. xx Ariana
Ariana, I was nearly in tears at the end of this chapter. This was just beautifully written.
I loved this line It occurred to him that he was becoming more and more like an older brother to Will, and he’d never been good at being the older one. It's a lovely line which really shows Dennis' character, and how much of him is connected to being the younger brother of Colin. It was also a lovely connection to the idea of brotherhood which is central to this story.
I loved the flashback scene and the way it showed how Colin takes the lead. I tend to still think of him as how he was in his first year, and I loved you showing him as having matured and being the leader. I think in some ways Colin is quite like Harry and Neville, in that he has something to prove and has to find his bravery, but when does, he has it in spades. If he had gone to Hogwarts, I'm sure he would have been there with Neville and Ginny right from the beginning.
Anyway, I digress. I loved how Colin sprung it on Dennis that they were leaving and didn't tell him that they wouldn't be together until the end, because Dennis would have argued and tried to convince him otherwise if he head.
No one understands that.” Not even Colin. I loved this line, because it sets up an experience that for once Dennis and Colin can't share.
and he was nothing more than an empty shell of the person he had once been. I think this would sound more effective if it were "and he was nothing more than an empty shell of a person".
Otherwise this was a lovely beginning.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for leaving a review! I'm happy you liked the chapter--I think this one is probably my favorite. I'm also glad you thought the dynamics of Colin and Dennis's relationship were well-done. I didn't want to write Colin as the boy he was in book two, because he's only eleven then and of course he's going to change. Your review was so wonderful to read, I didn't know more people were actually reading this story. I really appreciate all your comments, both compliments and crit :). xx Ariana
Author's Response: Thank you!
This was so very touching. Poor Dennis.
I loved the way you wrote this, Arianna. The details from the blades of grass and the link to Colin wanting to take photographs were so very poignant. This really has been a lovely story to read and sob over.
Uhm ... I have a quibble though. I would have thought that Dennis would have known who Henry was. Henry came across as a Gryffindor to me in the last chapter, and although he was a year older than Dennis, I would have thought he'd recognise him. Maybe not known him very well, but would have recognised him.
I have to admit I was a bit flummoxed by the idea of having an open casket outside. I don't know how normal this is as I've not been to an open casket funeral before, so that could just be me being a bit puzzled. You need it, of course, because Dennis has to say goodbye and put the wand in the coffin, but um ... okay this is daft, but I couldn't help feeling sad that Colin was getting wet, too. Perhaps a cover or an Impervious Charm. Sorry, this is so picky and for a story that was so well executed throughout.
*sob* He never knew living could hurt this much. That line killed me. ~Carole~
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! And I don't mind hearing quibbles--they make me think which is always a good thing ;). About Henry…the only times Dennis would have seen him would be in the common room or mealtimes and I can see Dennis thinking he looked familiar but in his state of grief -- and because I imagine Henry looked different after the war than before -- just lash out rudely. An open casket funeral is the only kind of funeral I've been to, which probably puts the occurrence out of perspective for me. I definitely see your point…I'll try to add a tarp or something, because you're right . It's a bit impractical. Carole, thank you so much for reviewing this and every chapter of this story. It always makes me smile to see you've reviewed. xx Ariana
OOOH, now then, I hope Henry doesn't die. I was just getting into his character. You had him nicely fleshed out in such a few words, a cheeky Gryff. I was grinning when he appeared and then you darn nearly killed him!
I love Justin here. He's not scared to admit that he can't finght. he knows his limitations, although I hope he will return (but then that will mean Henry's dead ... I'm in a quandary now)
Really enjoying this ... but I want more. Can we have an epilogue, please?
Author's Response: An epilogue…hm, that's not a bad idea. In fact, it's a very very good idea. It might make the ending more conclusive. Thanks so much for your review, Carole! xx Ariana
I'm trying to think of s decent enough excuse as to why I haven't read this before now ... I don't have one, but I'm here now.
I'm so pleased that you've expanded this story because it was such an intriguing drabble. This whole side of the war was barely touched on in DH so it's basic food and drink to us fanfictioneers because there are so many avenues to explore. You have done a wonderful job here. I can sense their real fear living from day-to-day in such a horrible place.
I have a small quibble. You mentioned that Lyle's dad cast protective spells. If his dad was a wizard, then Lyle wouldn;t be a Muggleborn. Can you change it to his brother, or something?
Sorry, this isn't nearly as good as the amazing reviews you leave me, but I am going to add to favourites and will be reading more ... that's a promise. Great story ~Carole~
Author's Response: Ooh, thanks for catching that! I'm off to change it right now :). And speaking of reviews….I remembered what I was going to say in the "Beyond Beseeching" review that I forgot (sorry, I know this is probably not the proper time or place). It's that I loved your disclaimer :). Your review was absolutely wonderful to receive, thanks so much! xx Ariana
This was really brilliant. I love thinking about what happened to people during the second war (I'd say reading but I haven't found many fics about it...), and this was an interesting look into what was going on with Muggleborns hiding from the Ministry. The fear and the frustration in both situations were very well portrayed, and I like how you placed this right before the final battle and showed what was going through Colin's mind and why Dennis got left behind.
This was a fascinating read that made me think. Thanks for writing this. =)
Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I'm glad you enjoyed reading this story. The original drabble mainly focused on Dennis, but I wanted to give another look as to why Colin would leave his brother behind, because I feel like he would want to contribute to the war and help Harry. I'm so, so happy you liked it! Thanks again for the review. xx Ariana
I loved this! I wasn't really into reading anything about Dennis or Colin but I told myself why not and did, and honestly it's one of the best fics I've ever read on the site. Great job and update soon! ;)
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! The next (and final) chapter is submitted to the archives and will hopefully be accepted soon. Thanks again. xx Ariana