Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 10/13/15 0:04
Chapter: The Investigations of Theodore Nott

Reading this makes me want to finish the story I started way back when for this contest. So, Blaise thinks he can identify girls by how they smell. Some people do have a signature scent. Mine was Tea Rose.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 10/10/15 22:11
Chapter: The Perceptions of Blaise Zabini

You do have to wonder why Pansy puts up with Draco. Draco is sure naive to think that Harry can be gotten rid of so easily.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 10/09/15 23:22
Chapter: The Performance of Pansy Parkinson

I've always thought that Blaise, or how he's described, is a handsome young man. I've always thought that Pansy is described as unattractive. Looks aren't that important but if you don't have intelligence either, you don't have a lot to offer. I'd pick brains over looks n day.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 10/09/15 2:46
Chapter: The Observations of Theodore Nott

I was writing using his prompt but I didn't finish the story yet. I will finish that story eventually. It's fun to see how someone else used the prompt. This story looks to be very interesting.

Reviewer: Eliza Lupin
Date: 10/17/12 20:34
Chapter: The Unexpected Actions of Susan Bones

I really like how you protray Theodore and I think that there is a spark between him and Susan in all your stories.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.
Theodore will continue to skulk in the shadows of my stories.
A spark? Really? :-D

Reviewer: Dad
Date: 10/16/12 16:14
Chapter: The Unexpected Actions of Susan Bones

An enjoyable read.

Author's Response: Thanks.
And hopefully an insight into the complex relationship (is that the word?) between Theodore and Susan.

Reviewer: Dad
Date: 10/14/12 18:56
Chapter: The Investigations of Theodore Nott

Sherlock Holmes in disguise.

Author's Response: Not quite, but Thodore does have his moments. :-D -N-

Reviewer: macheel
Date: 10/12/12 12:42
Chapter: The Observations of Theodore Nott

OK I read in reviews things about Susan and Lavendor. I reread this chapter and don't see it. Am I missing something? This is great as always!!

Author's Response: This story was always five chapters, but was submitted as a one-shot to meet the Challenge dealdline. I rewrote bits, and tattook it over 10000 words, so I had to split it. Susan and Lavender appear in chapter 3. Glad you like it. -N-

Reviewer: Cinderella Angelina
Date: 10/11/12 18:59
Chapter: The Performance of Pansy Parkinson

This is one of my favorite stories of yours. I'm appreciating the opportunity to read it again as you re-submit with all the changes! (Haven't noticed any major ones but I'm not reading as closely as some of your other readers are sure to.)

One tiny note, though: you still have the chapter end notes at the end of your first chapter which _kind of_ could give away certain plot points in upcoming chapters. I'll make you a deal: you remove those, and I'll do a better job reviewing. You in?

Author's Response: The changes were necessary because I gave Theo a slightly different back story inNott, Father and Son, and I needed to correct this story to fit. You'll only notice if you follow the backgrounds of every minor character.
Ah, yes. Oops. The end notes were fine when this was a one-shot. Now they give too much away. So they've gone. Thanks for letting me know.

Reviewer: ckwright51
Date: 05/07/12 13:47
Chapter: The Observations of Theodore Nott

Great story once again I love what u did with a little known character. I wonder about Malfoy, he was so cowed and scared in most of DH, but then I remembered he was much more his normal self when he was away from voldemorte so your characterization actually makes more sense so wow what a good story thanks.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.
Theodore Nott is an intersting character, and one who will reappear. Malfoy is a typical bully, once he's secure at Hogwarts with Snape as Headmaster he will return to type (actually cowed and snivelling or arrogant and bullying are both true to type).

Reviewer: DontSayImpossible
Date: 07/21/11 8:48
Chapter: The Observations of Theodore Nott

I never thought I really liked mysteries but this story changed my mind.
I thought the characterisation was great, especially that of Theodore and Susan. We don't hear much about them in the books so it was good to read a story where they were major characters, and they came across as very believable. Theodore the underlooked genius, Susan the secretly adventurous spy.
I loved Blaise, I could imagine him having that sense of humour and flirting with too many girls at once.
I do think you were a little harsh on Draco - admittedly some people are too nice to him - but he is only a teenager who's been fed these ideals his whole life; he's never had a chance to be a good person. He was well characterised most of the time though.
I don't have much patience with Pansy; she just hides behind Draco.
You explained the mystery very well; I'm intrigued by how Theodore just lets Susan go.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.
Theodore and Susan (particularly Susan) appear several of my other stories (Aurors and Schoolgirls, the MIT stories) and I’m trying to keep Susan serious, hard working and rather buttoned up in all of my stories. Lavender would be astonished by her actions here.
To some extent I must disagree with you about Draco. He’s an out and out racist bully who exhibits that behaviour whenever he’s secure. He has also had several chances to be a good person. His actions in the Room of Requirement during the battle show that he is still trying to please Voldemort. He (cunningly) wants to know what Harry is up to and he stops Crabbe and Goyle from killing Harry in order to get information. However, he has no qualms about letting them cast killing curses at Hermione or Ron. Pansy is simply a mean girl.
It serves Theodore's purpose to let Susan free. He has information which could get her killed, and she knows it. She can't be sure why he hasn't turned her in. Is he secretly on their side? Is he simply waiting for an opportunity to blackmail her?

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 06/30/11 7:16
Chapter: The Observations of Theodore Nott

Hi there, I enjoyed this. It was an inventive mystery and I thought your take on the Slytherins and Susan with the five POVs was very interesting. I particularly like Pansy and the scene with the girls - ha ha to Millicent and Marcus being 'eterned' - not sure who I feel most sorry for.

As far as characterisation goes, Draco was a little too cocky and full of himself for my taste. Yes, I know he's an arrogant a-wipe but after he failed to kill Dumbledore, I'm not quite sure he's king of the hill, anymore. However, your opinion and reasoning is, I suppose, that back at Hogwarts, he'd be back to his arrogant self, so I can't complain too much on our difference of opinion.

I loved Theo. He's an intriguing character. Somewhat out of the loop but with the same background as Draco. I was interested in his father telling him NOT to get involved. I also adored his interractions with the Slyth girls and Perdita in particular.

Um ... okay, you know this is coming - ha ha - I am so predictable. I don't like Blaise much here. I cannot reconcile the aloof and sneering boy in the books with this one who chats up three birds at once - even if it is for gain. Plus, I sincerely doubt that Romilda and her friends would be quite so open with him. He's a Slytherin - she's a Gryffindor and whatever we think of her chasing after Harry, she's not going to flirt with the enemy - that's akin to collaboration. Him using his good looks is a reasonable supposition but being that free with his favours ... um ... I can't see it, not when you look at the canon of the books. Arrogant and perhaps smooth, but not a letch. He has far too high an opinion of himself, and he's very choosy.

I got a bit confused with how Susan managed to get away with the Sketch Mirror, but that's possibly because I read this all in one go and had the TV on). I really did love the inventive Weasley products and magic spells you used. The Magic Eye had my stomach churning. I was very pleased you had Blaise and Theodore working out who did steal it and not informing Draco because Draco would have Crucio'd poor Susan into insanity if he'd found out. It shows that Zabini has some humanity as well, although I have a feeling in his case it's about politics and biding his time (much like Theo).

Interesting mystery and a well crafted plot. I've hated writing these mysteries and yet I still did. You seem to have relished it. ~Carole~

Author's Response:
Carole, thanks for the review.

This is a late reply, sorry. Excuses: holiday (me and mine ban computers on holiday); and the length of your review.

I have plans for Millicent and Marcus (they appear in “Tales of the Battle”, too, but they’ll have a much larger role I another story. Why feel sorry for them? Draco is an interesting character and, personally, I believe that he’s a narcissist. He sucks up to Snape until he becomes a Death Eater, at which point he treats his Professor with contempt. Draco has two default settings (“overlord” and “snivelling”) neither of which are particularly pleasant. He’s more complicated than that, of course, and to some extent his cockiness is a front, but Draco knows that he is superior and needs people to know that. I wish I’d given Theodore (does anyone ever call him Theo in canon? I suspect not) more thought before now. I really like the quiet shifty, scheming character I’ve made him. I also wanted him to remain canonically little and weedy and to make him completely hopeless with girls.

Good old Blaise is such a contentious character, although his appearances in the books are little more than Theodore’s. He discusses Ginny, and girls, in the train in HBP. My reasoning behind his personality is that he is really good looking, and girls approach him (not something I have personal experience of). I’m fairly certain that Pansy made a move on him and I suspect that Ginny gave him the brush off (Ginny is no fool) hence his comments. I think that he likes to be surrounded by adoring girls (what bloke wouldn’t?). Was he being free with his favours? I don’t think so. But an eighteen year old bloke who isn’t in a relationship would probably take whatever he was offered (from a Pureblood—like Draco, he is a racist).

I thought that I’d adequately explained how Susan got away with the sketch pad. There are three or four paragraphs around Pansy’s appearance which deal with it. This story could have been longer, but with my collab story (Unspeakable), plus Haunted Houes and MLT, I was running out of time. Perhaps I’ll “do a Moon” with this and rewrite and expand it into five or six longer chapters after the challenge has been judged. I’m rather proud of the Invisible Eye, disgusting and disorientating though it is. You are correct about the motives of both Blaise and Theodore, for them it is politics, not humanity.

I really love mysteries, I had a great time writing these challenges so I’ll be writing more thriller/mystery/adventure stuff in future.


Reviewer: GinnyPotterFan26
Date: 06/11/11 13:12
Chapter: The Observations of Theodore Nott

Well done. It was obvious that you gave this a lot of thought. As usual, the writing is superb, and I like this new mystery kick you're on.

Author's Response: Thank you. There is one more mystery to come, Haunted House: Dead is approaching completion. -N-

Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione
Date: 06/08/11 2:13
Chapter: The Observations of Theodore Nott

I loved this story. It was well-written as a mystery/whodunit story, but I liked the fact that the criminal wasn't caught and that it was a 'good' person.

Your presentation of the characters was both amusing and very interesting. Theo was probably my favourite character in this. He was exactly how I imagined him, and I particularly liked his memory of his conversation with his father. I think there's something very - "Slytherin" - about playing both sides and waiting to see who's the winner... it shows slyness and cunning. And yet even though he seems to be staying neutral simply for his own sake, there's something very likeable about his character.

Pansy - spot on job with her, particularly with the way she craves Draco's attention. It fits very well with canon. Genereally, I don't like Pansy, but you made me feel at least some empathy for her.

Blaise - you created a wonderful character here. I loved his sense of humour (I was talking to three girls, Draco. You should try it; it’s fun) and his comments such as Draco loves only one person, and that person is Draco. Also loved his comment about paying attention in Transfiguration. It really shows that particularly he and Theo play roles amongst their comrades, rather than being themselves. I hope I'm making sense here... anyway, Blaise was wonderfully characterised.

The way Draco strutted and had his own "Head Boy" room seems a little hyperbolic... but I suppose with Snape as Headmaster and (he believes) Hogwarts in the palm of his hand, Draco could become even more arrogant.

Susan - very interesting. I didn't suspect her, but then I'm rather terrible at figuring mysteries out. Anyway. I loved her interaction with Blaise, it was so well-written and rather amusing.

I don't think I've phrased it in the best way in this review, but I think your characterisations are really, really impressive in this story - there are small comments all through it which just add to the dynamics between the characters. Plus it was a gripping and well-paced and well-written story.


Author's Response:

Thanks for the review.

Theodore Nott has appeared (off stage) in Aurors and Schoolgirls and this story goes some way to explaining Susan’s attitude towards him in A&S (and also some of Susan’s thoughts in “Tales”). I suspect that little Theodore will continue to make appearances in my stories now that I’ve figured him out. I think that he’s one of those people who is out for themselves, but while Draco is “out of my way, Mudblood! (shove)” Theodore is “I’m sorry, but you’re in my way. Please step aside as I don’t want to push you.” Theodore knows which side to be on – the winning side.

Pansy will continue to get a hard time in my stories and now that I’ve figured out Blaise I really must rewrite “Secret Diary”.

I hate stories where the Head Boy and Head Girl share accommodation, it’s a preposterous idea, and canon shows that there was no such thing. This was deliberately hyperbolic.

I was fairly vague in giving out possibilities for the culprit, but there were four girls named in the library (Lavender, the Patil twins and Susan) plus the unnamed Slytherin girl, my very own Fenella.

This could have been longer, but time was pressing.


Reviewer: Liandrin
Date: 06/06/11 15:49
Chapter: The Observations of Theodore Nott

First off, I must say that I love any story involving Theodore Nott. He is my favourite character to write and read about in fandom. Now that I've got that out of the way, onto the review...

Personally, I would have preferred each section to be split into separate chapters, but I understand that you had a time-limit, and who knows how long it would have taken to get all those chapters validated. I still enjoyed the fic.

1. Theo
I found Theo's recollection of his father's words rather interesting and plausible, for he to suggest to his son to maintain neutrality. I also like your description of Draco strutting around like a peacock. Personally, I don't think he'd order Theodore around in such a way. As JKR has hinted at, Draco and Theodore are equals blood-wise, if not Theo being from a more respected family. But in this case, I can suspend my disbelief and imagine that Draco is currently full of himself and would act as such.

I liked the idea of a Sketch Board. It's rather clever. Draco had shown in HBP that he was clever, so this fit in well. I was somewhat confused when Draco pulled his wand on Pansy. There was really no immediate indication why he did this. I know that it's because he suspected she had stolen the mirror, but this is not made obvious until after the fact, so it kind of threw me.

2. Pansy
I have to say that I enjoyed Pansy's observations most of all. I actually pitied her, and I rather detest the girl.

3. Blaise
What can I say about your characterisation of Blaise other than it is exactly how I picture him.

‘I was talking to three girls, Draco. You should try it; it’s fun,’ replied Blaise wryly.

Hehe, he's such a cheeky, sardonic bugger. I love him! :) I also adore how observant he is, especially about women. It's what makes him such a heart-breaker. Hehe.

4. Theo part II
I'm already beginning to suspect Susan, but I may be wrong. I'll have to read on to find out. I must admit that I absolutely loved the following exchange:

‘She! How do you know it was a she?’ Pansy asked.

‘Because she kissed Blaise,’ Theodore said. ‘She was invisible, but Blaise is confident that it was a girl.’

‘Hopes, more like,’ Pansy whispered to her friends. Theodore ignored the giggles, girls did not appear to understand the beauty of deductive reasoning.

5. Susan Bones
Brilliant. I loved the ending. I loved the deduction and Susan's cunning and Theo's strategy. Stay neutral, Theo. ;) But what I loved the most was this line from Blaise:

‘Well, I don’t think I’ve ever kissed you before,’ Blaise said when he finished. He did not release her.

Hehe, I loved it. And I really liked that Theo let her walk free. Nice mystery. :)

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

Theodore Nott is one of the non-characters, he’s more than Daphne (as at least we have short physical description of him) but really he’s not much more than a name.

Draco is a racist and an arrogant bully with negligible people skills. Like all racists he underestimates the “lesser races” (half-bloods and mudbloods in Draco’s case) and like all bullies he places people as being inferior or superior to him. At his arrogant height in HBP he was even prepared to backchat Snape. I don’t see an issue with his strutting arrogance (after all, it’s his default setting).

I thought that I’d made it clear by Blaise’s comment to Pansy that despite the fact Draco doesn’t actually like Pansy much (he never showed any affection towards her) she’s his property, hence the wand.

I’ve spent a lot of time analysing Pansy and my feelings about her. I’m a male writer in a largely female circle. It’s no secret that I despise Draco (he’s a great character, but a deeply unpleasant person). I’m aware that a lot of female writers (and readers) like him. I was very worried that “my” Pansy was simply me, as a male, doing the same thing (rationalising a like for an unpleasant female character) that most female writers do for Draco. Both are racist and bullies, but while Draco is almost impervious to criticism, I think that Pansy is not. I think I can justify this, and I will in another story.

I was criticised (rightly) for my characterisation of Blaise in another story. I’m glad you think he’s right here. As a bloke, I hate him simply because he’s good with girls. He’s the guy who girls cluster around, and I’m the tongue-tied and nervous nerd at the back of the room. It’s nice to know that even if I can’t be him, I can write him.

I hope to get at least two more mysteries done before the deadline. I’m really enjoying my foray into the mystery genre.


Reviewer: hpgploversforever
Date: 06/05/11 12:44
Chapter: The Observations of Theodore Nott

That was another great story. Nott played to both sides. Can't wait to see what other storyies you have planned.

Author's Response: Thanks. Trying to write three mysteries to a deadline is - ether exciting or foolish, I'm not sure. M.L.T.: Muggle Liaison Team (aka the secret origin of M.I.T.) is on the way, as is another M.I.T. Story (Haunted House: Dead) a muggle tv crew, a cursed pearl, a fake psychic and a broken red stiletto. -N-

Reviewer: minervassister
Date: 06/05/11 10:16
Chapter: The Observations of Theodore Nott

Well plotted, I love mysteries and this one has all the right ingredients - interesting characters, a seemingly impossible problem, good clues, a satisfactory if unusual conclusion.
Liked the characters stayed true to your other stories.
Was that Fenella in the library? Are we going to see her again in Aurors and Schoolgirls?

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I had a lot of fun writing this. That was Fenella in the library, I intended to use her as a red herring, but time constraints restricted her use. She will reappear in A&S very soon. -N-

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