So awesome cant wait for more
Okay, this story has me intrigued, mainly because I had never heard of something like this. So, kudos for an idea I haven’t read before!
I think you have a good story going here. All of your characters are believable. And I actually started laughing in the beginning at the suggestion that they start a band. Even though it was in the summary, and I knew to expect it, it was just so out there and random but also believable. I didn’t think that it would actually turn out to be a workable band, but was pleasantly surprised when it did in the story. I don’t think they could ever not really work an idea out. They are the Marauders, after all.
I do wonder what on earth Lily was thinking when she joined the band. Did she do it to spit James? Did she do it because she might just like him? Or did she just do it because she felt bad that they didn’t have a really good singer? I mean, she usually goes out of her way to ignore him, so why on earth would she then join the band that he’s in. I’m interested to see if you answer this question at all in the upcoming chapters.
One thing I did notice is that you use a lot of dialogue, and not a lot of description of any sort. For some reason it worked in this story I believe. I haven’t read many stories where I don’t think that there really needs to be more description. Your dialogue says it all, and even though it might not be written out what they’re doing, it’s still implied and can be imagined at the very least.
Good job and I shall continue to read this when I see more chapters up.
great story update please
From the dialogue, I can see you've characterised Sirius and James very well. I could imagine them having this conversation.
The plot bunny itself sounds like it could become interesting, and quite possible amusing. However, I can't imagine the scene. What I would love to see you do is put in a few description. What does James' room look like? What are his parents like? How is James reacting to what Sirius saying, and vice versa. You've captured the conversation very nicely, but body language helps set the scene.
Dialogue wise, you've done very well. In future though, to add to this chapter, give more descriptions, okay?
Also, so much use of "he" You're dealing with two males here. At one point it isn't very clear who the sentence is about. "Letting out a visible shudder, he flipped over the parchment" for example, it could be either.
Just some of those small things will make this a very entertaining story.
I enjoyed reading this. Sirius is so funny! Update soon!