Reviews For The One
Reviewer: harry4lif
Date: 07/26/12 7:10
Chapter: The One

Hey there,

Just, wow. One shots are usually harder for me to get into, because there’s only so many words that the author put everything in. But, just, wow. I must say, didn’t expect it to be Cormac at the end of the story, but I like it.

First off, love that you kept us in suspense about who you were talking about. I didn’t really know what time period it was in, so I didn’t know who it might have been that she was considering, but I did figure that it was Ron who was with another. Now that I see Cormac’s name though I feel like I should have figured it out, but I didn’t.

The emotions in this story are also amazing. I can imagine all the stuff that Hermione would have gone through whenever Ron was being his usual self, and to see them voiced out in a story in such a spectacular way is very nice. Hermione can sometimes be a hard character to write, but you did it very well. Same with Cormac. We don’t know a lot about him, but from what was giving to us in the books, I think that you have him completely spot on. He seems like a pushy guy who would have initiated it.

Also, the progression of the story really flows very well. I can see Hermione’s disgust because of who she’s with. And the more she thinks about it…well, why not? Cormac is probably the one person who can irritate Ron the most, so he really is the logical choice of who to make Ron jealous with. I wouldn’t say that he’s better then Ron, just that Ron can’t stand him due to his liking Hermione, and being better at Quidditch then him and all of that. Cormac was definitely the right choice in her mind, which is quite justified.

Great uses of imagery! I can picture this whole scene in my mind, step by step, and it’s very vivid and complete, which is an amazing thing for an author to accomplish.

I really can’t see anything to nitpick so I will just once more say that this one shot was absolutely amazing and I will definitely be checking to see if you have anything else I can read now.

~Alyssa

Reviewer: Sly Severus
Date: 05/24/12 17:30
Chapter: The One

Cormac, huh? Well, I like it better than Ron.

Actually, I liked the whole story. Your sense of the romantic is very apt. As is your sense of tormented lovers. I love that in your story Hermione chooses to move on, rather than wait for Ron, the hopeless. You showed her inner turmoil about the choice very well, but I think she made the right one.

You write with a certain elegance that makes romance seem possible, which is harder than you might think.

Very well done.

Author's Response: Haha thank you, although I am certainly not the best at romance in real life unfortunately... Anyway, thank you for calling it elegant, it really boosted my confidence :)

Reviewer: Maple_and_PheonixFeather
Date: 02/25/12 21:13
Chapter: The One

What a lovely story! It is beautifully written, and the final reveal of Cormac is very satisfying.

In the opening, I really enjoyed how you employed many different types of imagery. Instead of simply giving visual imagery, you give us sight, touch, sound, and scent. I found it particularly effective how you began with visual imagery, as it helps create a picture in the mind, which really draws the reader in. By describing the sounds and scents of the scene, the reader is then drawn further into the scene, making it seem like they themselves are there. Finally, by describing what exactly Hermione is physically feeling, I felt that I was Hermione, making me feel immediately drawn into the situation, and making it a much more personal experience. If there was one thing that could be added to the description, it would be to give a sort of timeline. I found myself slightly confused as to when this takes place, and it would be nice to have a general idea.

Your characterisation of Cormac is really well done. You have him as pushy, as we have seen him in the novels. Having him continuously push himself towards Hermione, taking all control of the situation is exactly how I imagine Cormac to behave, especially as Hermione described him as being pushy and very physical at Slughorn’s party.

Hermione is also well-done. Everything we have seen from Hermione in Half-Blood Prince is being repeated here. I really enjoyed watching her thoughts evolve from thinking only of Ron to thinking that maybe Cormac could be something.

The dynamic between the two characters is lovely. I found it completely realistic that Cormac would be the one that Hermione uses to make Ron jealous “ he’s his perfect competition in every way. He is better at him in Quidditch, something Ron is insecure about, and he was pursuing Hermione at the same time he was considering it. I thought that you brought Hermione and Cormac together very naturally, with Hermione’s mental tug-of-war and Cormac’s physical domination and attraction.

I really enjoyed the style of this piece. I thought that the lack of names led to a higher level of suspense, and really made the reveal of Hermione’s dancing partner much more exciting, for while we know exactly who Hermione is and who Ron is, we have no idea who the dancing partner is, and the build up to that is very exciting.

Lastly, I really liked how the structure followed Hermione’s thoughts. How it starts from a straight up this is wrong, goes through this area of turmoil shown through the alternating paragraphs of denial and her moments of hesitations in thinking it may work, and then finally ending in a yes. It really created a fantastic ride for the reader.

Overall, I found this to be a lovely journey for the reader, as your writing really brought me straight into the story, not as an observer, but as Hermione herself.

Maple

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, I have no idea where to begin with this... Thank you so much for this AMAZING review. It's crazy to think that someone actually enjoyed this story enough to write so much about it :) The feedback on the characterization and realism was really helpful, especially that I'm finally writing again. I have no idea how else to thank you, but just know that some passages of this review are written down by my computer for me to use as motivation :D Thank you so much!

Reviewer: LoonyLupin
Date: 12/23/11 20:50
Chapter: The One

That's a great way of describing how Hermione used Cormac. In the book, I thought it was really funny, but you made it serious. Nice job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! My goal is to stay as close to canon as possible in my writing, except of course for the plot elements :)

Reviewer: Trucker
Date: 07/06/11 13:31
Chapter: The One

well done, but ugh!!!

Author's Response: Thanks! I definitely don't ship Hermione/Cormac but I stumbled across his Wikipedia page and the plot just kind of wrote itself :)

Reviewer: savvy33
Date: 07/05/11 17:09
Chapter: The One

Very good! I like how you describe Hermione's feelings about both Ron and Cormac. Keep up the awesome work! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was so worried people would react negatively because of the pairing alone, so you have no idea how happy your review has made me :)

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