I feel like it was too brief, with little conflict. It had potential, but the execution was lacking. Great try tho!
Can you continue writing? Your story is GREAT!
Author's Response: Hey, sorry for the late reply D: I don't think I'll continue this story - I was never much of a Harmony shipper, ahaha, but I have been doing a lot of dabbling into Next-Gen that you can read on my Author's Page :) ~Maple
This is really cute. Hermione and Harry should have ended together. :)
Author's Response: Haha, thanks :)
Hi Maple! This is a nice story for Jess! First of all, I could definitely see Hermione getting fed up with some of Ron's characteristics. I'm not sure if I could picture him sleeping until 2:30pm in the afternoon, but I could still see her getting frustrated with his more relaxed way of living. And then to go ahead and clean up while he's sleeping - haha, so Hermione! :)
I'm really curious about Ron's reaction. I liked that he was mature about it - I would have hated to see him rant and rave and sob over it. It would be interesting to see his point of view in this break up, because again - I could see it happening. I can imagine a mature Ron agreeing. It seemed a bit rushed when Hermione left, but I could still see that reaction. I think they'll overcome it, though. ;)
That Hermione cried afterwards was nice. Even if you are ready to break up with someone, it's still hard. She recognized that it was 'the end of an era' and that was good. My only quibble might be with her wanting to go out and meet guys: "She wanted to go out, check out guys and just generally have a good time without the restriction of being in a relationship." This seems slightly OOC in that it's right after the breakup and for some reason I can see Hermione curling up with a book before heading out to pick up guys, lol.
Poor Harry and Ginny! Harry seemed much more upset than Ron over the breakup of his relationship. I could see Harry and Hermione kissing as a form of comfort. It was sweet. What I liked, though, was that Hermione recognized what it was and broke it off, and they laughed about it. Nice little tease at the end, though. ;)
I think you wrote a nice scene here for Harry and Hermione. I would only suggest not rushing certain parts even if you just want to get on with things (although I could certainly cite rushed examples of my own work, lol) Taking even a few extra sentences to develop plot or character never hurts, and always adds depth to the story - esp. when you have to hide your canon card. ;)
Nice job, I hope you get more reviews!!
Author's Response: YAY! You reviewed me :D I definately think that you made some excellent points there that I will definately keep in mind when I write :D And I have no doubt that everyone will work it all out eventually. I just don't understand Harmony and find it difficullt to write. Thanks for all the constructive crit, it is definately very helpful :) ~Maple
Awww, thank you. :)
This story is so warm and fuzzy. Well, to me it is, since this is my cup of tea. I adore Hermione's voice, the one that chatters on in her head and occasionally out loud, trying to reason everything, as Harry mentioned. You just put so much of what we know about her into this, even the part where she decides that she wants to go out right away and test the dating waters. Not because she's desperate for contact, but because she needs to prove to herself that the end of her relationship with Ron wasn't just her not having enough to offer someone else.
You made Harry very huggable, in that he was so sad. But also, I could feel him deflect and keep the focus on Hermione's issues instead of bringing his own to the forefront. It felt in-character that he only admitted it when he would've had to lie to Hermione directly to keep it out of the open. Both of them together felt right for me.
And yayyyyyyy, they kissed! I have to admit that I was a bit giddy when they did. I sort of felt the 'we can't' moment coming, but part of the enjoyment was the waiting to see if things might be different and the borderline enjoyment of sadness when it doesn't work. It's probably sadistic of me to enjoy being saddened by what I read, yet I do.
Thank you so, so much for this story. I know how hard you worked on it, and I feel not only rewarded as the recipient, but on your behalf as well for the pleasure of a job completed. You are lovely, and I'm glad that I've got the chance to get to know you. Thank you so very much.
Author's Response: Jess, you have no idea how much this review means to me. I honestly just smiled and like, inwardly squeed :p I honestly am so happy you liked the characterisation, I was a little worried about that :p Just thanks so much for the lovely review, you have no idea how much it means to me :) ~Maple