Hello, I'm very interested in this fic!
I've been curious about the Severous/ Lily relationship and I like where this story is going.
One thing I noticed in the first chapter that was improved in the second chapter was the use of unnecessary.. um words or add ons. For example "slytherine is dark and green and stuff," or, "...For our final project or something." The "and stuff" and "or something" phrases just seem a little unnecessary and take away from your nice writing if you know what i mean
Well, where is the rest of this story??????? I was all ready for more, because you have set up a brilliant story! I think you've captured Snape really well, and poor Lily just sees the boy who was her childhood friend, although I think that she does see the good that is in him.
Keep this story going!!! Please!!!! :D
This chapter is good too. I like how you incorporated so many Slytherin characters and the ambivalence you communicate in Severus.
Author's Response:Thanks for the review, and I'm sorry the next chapter has taken a while :(
Lily xxx
I like this story.
Author's Response:Thanks for the review, although I would appreciate critique :)
Lily xxx
Hi, thought I'd leave you a little review as well :)
I do like this, you've definitely got lots of potential! :) The conversation between Snape and Lily feels very natural, and James especially is very in-character.
I did feel that this is a little dialogue-heavy; some narrative to describe the scene a little more and to put it all into context would have been nice, espeically as this is the first chapter, and the early chapters are vital in laying the foundations for the rest of the fic.
However, it's short and sweet, and I'm very much looking forward to reading the next chapter as your Beta! :)
Author's Response: Hi, Alex! Thanks for leaving a nice review...I agree this is dialogue heavy. I do that, you'll definitely need to help me with that. I haven't actually WRITTEN the next chapter yet (although Ellie is begging me to) so once I do, I'll send it to you. ~Lily~
Hey Lily! This is really good! I like how she's annoyed with them, but it's not the cliché full out screaming match. Your personification of her is really good. (I'm proud to be the first review of the story)
There are some weird ? things throughout the chapter, and I'm not sure what symbols they are supposed to be. I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep it up!
Author's Response: The symbols are part of the completely screwed up archives. Most of them are hypens, I believe. Thank you for the glowing praise, Ellie! I'm working on the next chapter (It's quite a bit longer than this first one) Lily
