I really like this fanfic!
I loved that the concept for this story was taken from a single line from the books. To be able to develop that comment into an entertaining story shows great imagination, and that’s my favourite part of a story. I always look for fics which ‘springboard’ off from the series into original tales, and I’m so glad I read this!
Making Tonks the witch who shouted “Boo” behind Moody on April Fool’s Day was such an inspired idea, and although I was expecting her to jump out on Moody, I liked that she did it to someone else and that it was simply a mistake that Moody heard it. It was so in character for her and set up the clumsiness that you elaborate on throughout the story. This was actually something that really stood out to me as evidence of this being a well-thought out story: introducing Tonks as a clumsy person and going on to describe her tripping “spectacularly over her own foot” subtly leads into the way Richard manages to catch her during their training. It may have been a small part of the story, but I thought it was done very effectively.
Both Tonks and Moody were particularly well-characterised throughout the whole story, and it felt like it could have come straight from canon! I loved the tiny details you inserted, like how “every morning he half-hoped to feel the wood under both feet”. It was a very poignant moment and although you emphasise that Moody detests being pitied, you show here that he is, in his own way, a tragic character. You add to this subtly throughout the rest of the story, for example when you suggest his feelings of uselessness at being “slowly side-lined”. The only thing I wondered at was when Moody noticed the Muggle schoolgirls who had “shirt-sleeves rolled up and ties shoved in pockets in a weak attempt to conceal their school uniforms”. I wasn’t sure that Moody would have been quite so perceptive of Muggle culture; yet at the same time I thought it was a witty observation.
The language you used was very effective because it had an original way of putting things, especially when you described Tonks. You wrote that her “face glowed like a bonfire” and that “she was now looking up at him in a quite disconcerting manner, as though she were cataloguing his face”. They weren’t flowery, overly descriptive passages, but their simplicity reflected the way Moody would have described her, and therefore added to his perception of her.
There was one tiny inconsistency in the narrative, when the point of view slipped briefly to that of Scrimgeour’s. Although this was quite jarring, it didn’t detract from the plot for long. Apart from that, I loved seeing through Moody’s (mad) eyes: I thought the writing style very competent, and it certainly didn’t seem like it was the first piece you’d written for years!
loved it, i only wish you kept going, i want more.
What a very sweet little story! I really liked the interactions between Tonks and Mad-Eye, I think it really fits in well with the interactions we see between them in the books. I enjoyed how you really showed the motives behind everything with Tonks, how she wants to be an Auror despite of her family and why she said .
One aspect I particularly enjoyed was the alarm clock. I thought that it was a neat little touch that really showed Mad-Eye’s character.
That was a bloody brilliant character study!
Good! I love how you portrayed Tonks.