Most people wouldn't think of writing a story about the Longbottoms. You wrote it so well! It's amazing and bittersweet that she can still somehow recall that one memory. I can't even imagine what this would be like to go through.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I thought this story was done getting reviews but one more still makes my day =) There are plenty of stories about the Longbottoms, though. I can't name one off the top of my head but I'm sure if you went foraging around then you would find a few. And yes, I do agree that I would not want to have the same experience as Alice >.> That would be terrible. Lily xxx
omg thats really really good the last two sections were EXTERMELY sad but over all it was gr8
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it (: Lily xxx
Wow. This is amazing, Lily.
I really like the feeling at the end. The emotion is so strong, I almost took a step back. I also really liked your characterization of Alice. Albeit I feel her frustration could be a bit stronger, I think you captured her right. I thought the entire idea, especially with the Droobles was really clever, Lily.
I'm sorry this isn't an amazing review, but I'm supposed to be doing a major report. Good job, and good luck in the contest!
Author's Response: YAYY Ellie...you reviewed! :) And this totally is an amazing review, ha ha ha...I'm jumping up and down in my seat from SQUEEdom because you loved this. I was really nervous about it! Lily xxx
I love the premise of this story - I hadn't really thought much about whether the Longbottoms might have planned another child or even been pregnant, and I think you work this idea really effectively.
Also I think you pulled Alice off really well - it's always quite a challenge to write from such a character's perspective, but it really worked. I liked your explanation for the gum wrappers - that she's trying to trig Neville or Augusta's memory. - So in the hope that it will spark something in Neville, she gives him the bubble gum every time. But all it seems to do for Augusta is spark pain. I thought that was just put very well.
I loved the fragmented style at the end - particularly the part about Frnk and Alice wanting to name their next child after Lily and James, and then forgetting. That bit is just heartbreaking. I often think Neville is worse off than Harry when it comes to his parents, because to have parents who don't seem to recognise you would be awful. And by adding an unborn daughter you've just made the Longbottoms story so much sadder.
I loved the contrast of these two lines - When Frank nods, it’s like they’re sealing a promise. That they won’t ever forget James and Lily. and She’ll forget that she ever “promised” to remember James and Lily. .
I think you really nailed Augusta and Neville in their short appearances too, although I wasn't sure that Augusta would ever say anything about Neville's sister, because she wouldn't think it would affect his life. But other than that she was great.
Anyway, not sure why this story hasn't got any reviews yet, I thought it was great.
Author's Response: Katrina, I love getting one of your reviews :) Thanks so much for being the first! People always say that I can totally pull off characters like Alice (I've written a Pius Thicknesse one shot, which was...interesting). This wasn't exactly the type of holiday story I think the barmaids were expecting, but I'm really glad you liked it. xx Lily