MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
01/17/12 19:08 · For:
Name: Liet Dumbledore
Being a James and Lily fan, I've been meaning to read this forever, so I'm sorry it's taken me so long! It did not disappoint, though--it was very ovely. I really enjoyed getting into Lily's head so much. It was fresh and vibrant and never too, too fluffy.
What I really liked were all the tiny details you brought to the couple. They were amazing, from their time at school to little things like the singing or Harry going to Order meetings. That was so, so strange to imagine, and yet very possible! I loved the way they got together in the rain. I could point you to any number of fanart drawings of them kissing in the rain, it is a soft spot for me. It inspired Raindrops, actually. I really liked that scene and could picture it happening.
One thing I've noticed in some of your other writing are very long sentences that sometimes trip me up. I did not find that in this story. The sentences flowed well. I think writing this in first person was part of it, so that any longer sentences still worked because I could 'hear' Lily speaking that way, if that makes sense.
That said, one thing that I did find tricky to navigate here (and in one of your other stories) was a lot of jumping around in time. Sometimes Lily would be talking about the past, then the present, then Hogwarts, then an Order meeting. Sometimes it worked--the connections were obvious. Sometimes it felt a little harder to follow--I wanted to stay with one thought a bit longer and gradually, linearly move to the next one. I'm not sure if that is a deliberate choice on your part or if you just naturally gravitate toward a more stream-of-consciousness style. It might be something to think about, though, in terms of how it helps or hinders certain stories. Sometimes it will fit perfectly, others it may be distracting if the reader has to work too hard to follow.
I very much enjoyed the style you presented here, though, even if you feel that it's rather different. Kudos for going for something different and succeeding! The idea was lovely and sad and a wonderful picture of my favorite couple. Wonderful job!
Author's Response: Hello Gina!! I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to reply--your review for this story was so lovely that I wanted to enjoy replying to it. Since you are the James/Lily queen, I'm delighted that you enjoyed this story and found it fresh and interesting.
Most of this story was written at about two in the morning, and most of the details came about then. But Harry being at Order meetings has always been in my head, since I started writing about the Order, ha. And the kissing in the rain--I've no idea where that came from, except two in the morning.
Too long sentences is a problem of mine, in fiction and essays--I'm glad you didn't find them in this story, and that it was part of Lily's voice.
I don't have many linear stories :/ Thanks for pointing it out--and I will try to keep an eye on it. I'm writing a story similar to this in some ways, and will definitely bear that in mind for this.
This review is absolutely lovely. I don't know what else to say, except many, many thanks--I was pretty pleased with how it turned out, and am glad you enjoyed it as well. I will bear your crit in mind--thanks for giving it. Thank you!!! Alex
(Signed) · Date:
12/24/11 15:10 · For:
This is such a sweet story. I love the way Lily says things like "even if the time we have to never forget is short" because it makes it even more heartbreaking that she knows that there is a large possibility of her and James dying. I love your story!
Author's Response: 'Sweet' is not a word I'd usually associate with my stories but I agree that it fits with this one. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it, and thank you very much for reviewing :) Alex
(Signed) · Date:
12/24/11 7:17 · For:
Alex this was beautiful. I loved it, because in only about 3000 words it described the relationship between Lily and James better than a cheesy 30 chapter fic. I loved it because they had problems with James hating to be cooped up and knowing that their lives now had to revolve solely around their son when they hadn't even really lived yet - but you could tell that in the end these problems weren't going to break them.
The song fit so well with the story and because I haven't heard the whole thing through I had no idea it was a friendship song. I also thought the second person made the song work especially well and it gave the story the feeling that this was a private exchange between Lily and James which just made it so much more intimate.
Speeeeeaking of intimate, here is the part of the story that I think shows your immense talent as a writer: there wasn't sex but there WAS sex. This is a 1st-2nd years story so obviously there weren't any graphic scenes but I felt like the heat between them was still palpably there. Gahh this fic is so gorgeous!
Amazingly lovely job :)
Author's Response: Ariana-I'm so glad that you enjoyed this, and were kind enough to review it. As you know, I'm allergic to fluff, and think that its realistic that James anger at being cooped up would have caused a lot of tension in their relationship, and its stupid to ignore that.
I'd been listening to this song back to back, couldn't sleep, and thought of this story at three in the morning. And I'm pleased the second person gave it an intimacy-I don't think I've ever written a fic genuinely in the second person, but lots of stories in the first person addressed to a specific 'you' and I'm glad that worked here.
Hehe thank you so much for saying there's sexual attraction between them, without they're actually being sex. Since this was mainly self-relective, it didn't really fit in here, but I'm so pleased that it was present nevertheless. Thank you so much for you lovely review and I am delighted you enjoyed it! Alex
(Signed) · Date:
12/24/11 1:55 · For:
Awesome song! I really liked how you managed to fit your story with the lyrics. DFTBA.
Author's Response: Ha, DFTBA definitely :) And it is an awesome song- I'm glad you thought it fitted with my story, and thank you so much for reviewing! Alex
(Signed) · Date:
12/24/11 1:50 · For:
I LOVE the song Forever Yours! (I bought all twelve versions...hehe...) I like how you turned it into a sort of love song, and I feel it was very appropriate for a Lily/James pairing. Great work!
Author's Response: So do I--couldn't manage 12 versions, but bought several and am so glad it made the top five at Christmas :) I'm pleased you love the song (I honestly didn't expect to find Alex Day fans on MNFF-except ones I'd introduced to him) and am also delighted you think the song, while being about friendship, worked for James/Lily. Thanks so much for reviewing :)