Oooooh, I liked that :) I think it was a good insight into what Mulciber actually did to Mary Macdonald -- though I was surprised when it tunred out they were best friends. That was certainly unexpected. But I can so see that happening! it's a bit like Lily and Severus, only Mary is richer and half-blood, presumably, rather than Muggleborn like Lily. And, ha, Mary actually seems to have returned Mulciber's feelings here.
The only criticism I have is that I think it was too short. It could have been expnaded in places, particularly the end -- I would have liked to see what happened after their kiss, if Mary went on the run in teh end, etc.
But other than that, I don';t know why you thought this was meh. I didn't think it was. It was a nice read :)
I reread this myself, just to get a feel for it, and I suppose it's not so much meh as it is average. Nothing spectacular, but not bad, either. It was written in a hurry (um, three hours or so, lol) and slapdash edited, so that it's readable is nice.
I did worry that this was a bit too much like Lily/Snape, but the difference was that Mary had the ability within her to forgive Adam for what he did and what he became. Lily would never have forgiven Severus. Mary really did care about Adam, despite all of it, even if a small part of her hated him for making her feel the way he did.
The story was short for a reason: because it was how Mary wanted to remember Adam. What happened afterward were events she would have far preferred to forget. So the story doesn't include them, but instead stops just before he tears her heart to shreds and stamps on the pieces.
Anyway, thank youuuuuu for the review! I'm glad you liked the story and have slaked your curiosity as to its contents. <3
This is another lovely story, Jess - I love your characterisation and even the idea for this story, I don't think I've read anything much about these characters and the incident which Lily refers to, and this was an interesting take on it.
I think what really comes through in this is that no-one is 'good' or 'bad'. but that we all have different priorities and different things we'd give up for something else (sorry that is worded terribly). I guess the thing I'm trying to say is that you can't really categorise people - which is why I love your ending - And this is how Mary Macdonald chooses to remember Adam Mulciber â€” not as that Slytherin boy who broke her heart, nor as the Death Eater who had divested himself of his innocence so completely. He was just a boy, just Adam, and she was just a girl, just Mary. - Adam is not just a Death Eater or a Slytherin, he's a complex person with feelings and motivations.
I loved how you interspersed their past with the present and gradually showed their whole relationship and led up to that last moment.
This is unusual in your writing, but I found a few of the lines of dialogue a little clunky - for example â€śI can forgive you for what you did to me, but I donâ€™t think I can get over why you did it. Itâ€™s good that you donâ€™t hate me, I suppose, but I donâ€™t know you anymore.â€ť - The last bit seems a little tagged on and just didn't feel quite right, sorry I'm being so vague.
The rest of the writing was really great though - the feeling of cold and tension and less was really palpable throughout the story which worked really well.
And here you are again. My prodigal reviewer! The f-list has marked your return with elation and praise, and I have been visited. I don't check my review page often anymore, since there's usually nothing on it. Meh, well...
When I wrote/posted this story, I admit to feeling sad it was seldom read and only had one review. But then I went back and read it and thought, "Well, hell. I wouldn't review this either." Sigh. I think I broke something I can't get back, and this story was part of that. There are few things I've written since we last met that I would deem fit for the praise you've mustered for this. I do love you for that. Just so you know. :D
This all sprung from a drabble and a story exchange. I just had this idea that there was something more to Mulciber/Mary that made his attack on her both more meaningful and more terrible. While it didn't really play out in the story, I felt like I needed to see what happened afterward played out in front of me before I could consider the plot bunny to be satisfied. This is what came out. It is, as you said, clunky. Truthfully, I don't think I even read over it before posting it because I was pretty sure it wouldn't improve no matter what I did to it. :/ I should really stop doing that.
Anyway, thank you for the review and the return visits. You are such as stellar reviewer and one of discerning tastes. A recent Great Hall challenge has produced a lot of great reading material, certainly better than this, but I will just say welcome back. You have been missed.
Ohhh! I love it. How did you know that my childhood best friend (who later became my first boyfriend...) and I used to meet under a tree by a river? Haha, that'd be the magic of Christmas at work, I'd say!
I love the complexity of your characterisation - their feelings, motivations, histories and interactions are so muddled and illogical in such a way as makes them resoundingly realistic! This little one-shot is absorbing, dark, intriguing, and very mature. A perfect Christmas present - it's almost as if it were tailor-written for me. :P
Many thanks and a Happy New Year to you, Jess!
Haha, I'm glad you liked it. Honestly, once I'd finished, I was a bit worried, since you'd asked for a happy ending. Unfortunately, for these two, that wasn't really likely, so I instead chose to leave them with a happy memory. A poor substitute for happily ever after, for sure, but at least I didn't kill anyone, lol.
That is so weird/amazing that you had that special little spot. I just thought that most children have that special little spot that they loved, one of which the average adult would walk by without a second thought. It had to be something that would always be theirs yet never quite enough.
I love writing murky people. Humanity is so fabulously screwed up, and in an artistic sense, the perfect subject for study and for learning/growth. Mary and Adam are basically what might've been between Lily and Snape if she had had it in her heart to forgive him for what he said. Mary didn't want to forgive Adam, but she couldn't forget him and move on, either. Despite her protestations, she went to that little spot with the full knowledge that he might very well come there.
At any rate, I'll shut up now. I'm glad you liked the story, and thank you for coming out of lurkdom and participating in the exchange. :D