Ahhh, this is not finished. I have to admit, I was a bit lost after finishing and unsure how to review, but then I clicked back and saw that this was only the opening chapter! Well, that explains everything, doesn't it? :) I like the set-up here, and I'm just so sad for Tracey. I think it must be the worst feeling in the world to know she isn't the most-loved, but I admire her for calling him out on it instead of just going along. Carole's point in her review is well-taken, but I think it would be much more pathetic of her to pretend his love was as strong as he claimed it to be. This is just one of those cases where love isn't going to be enough. Because he does love her, I think. Just not enough, not the say he loves Lisa. I will certainly have to look into your other fics about these characters. I know I've read and loved WEAT, but I don't remember the others, and I think it would make me appreciate this that much more. I have no crit really, as this is unfinished. Without more though, it's impossible to understand what is going on in the last section. It's frightening though, and the writing so compelling... he's obviously killed someone, but who? And was it to prove he would kill for Lisa, or for Tracey? Poor Michael. Not sure if this is abandoned, or like so many of mine, just appearing to be. Hahaha. :) I do hope it is the latter. I always love reading your stuff, Hannah. Well done. ~Lori
When I read this story, I said to myself, "I am missing something." It was like reading a random chapter out of the middle of a book, not understanding who the characters are or what has been going on. The first part of the story was tough enough, trying to figure out the fourth paragraph with its obscure references to other unnamed people and past events. But the second part of the story was a shocker. I went back to check the dates; how do these parts relate? I wondered if the italics meant it was a dream or a prologue; apparently not. But why is Michael digging a grave, for heaven's sake? Is the corpse someone he killed, or merely a body he is hiding? The mention of bad images permanently in his brain suggests that he at least witnessed, probably committed the murder.
I went online to check out this author's other stories, Is there a prologue there somewhere? Not that I could see. But as I scrolled down the list of titles, I noticed the title of this piece more closely: "To Kill For Her". What? Did Michael murder Anthony in an attempt to get Lisa back again? Say it isn't so!
This story is definitely not ordinary. In a few short pages it manages to be startling, even disturbing, beginning as an unremarkable though nicely-written love story and ending as what can only be called an act of madness. It reminded me of John Hinckley's assassination attack on President Reagan in an attempt to impress the actress Jodi Foster (he is still in a mental hospital).
Michael refers to himself as weak. he has lost what is most valuable to him because of his self-perceived weakness. Now he is going to be "strong", for once! Now the tragedy is complete.
I wasn't going to read this. Nothing against your stories, Hannah, which are always a joy to read (so well-written) but because it features Tracey and I'm writing her as well for the same challenge - HA! Anyway, I have started and am in two minds. I love the story, it's beautifully written and is well plotted. I also love the back story and your characterisation. The downside is that I'm now thinking 'Oh' at my own story and seething a touch with jealousy. *sigh*
The only bit of characterisation I didn;t like (and this isn;t your fault because this is your Tracey) is this line-
You never stopped loving her. I don't mind. Really, I don't. I understand. It's stupid really, but I love you enough that I'm willing to accept the scraps on the off chance that one day you might give me more.'
I'll admit that the reason I don;t like it is because it makes me feel so uncomfortable reading about a woman staying with a man who she not only knows loves another woman more, but tells him that. Has she no pride?! Again, this is your character, so it's not a fault of the story just me getting riled. See - your Tracey has got under my skin.
Oh good lord, what is happening at the end. I'm shivering as I read and re-read. Very well written. I'm creepily intrigued and an on tenterhooks to see where this is going. darn the queue snafu, I do need to read more.
Good luck in the challenge and well done with this. ~Carole~