How have I not reviewed this before? Minna, I really like this. You've captured a very intense edge here for the Muggleborns. The claustrophobia and fear they must be feeling is so intense. So well done for that.
I like the fact that this isn't quite a villanelle and think you've played with the usual structure very cleverly. The lines and their sense that you repeat are very haunting, again it makes me thing how much fear they lived in every single day when they knew they faced death.
The only thing I'd maybe change (and it's purely a personal preference) is the last line. I'd probably remove either the 'and' or the 'then' because leaving a syllable out makes it more emphatic, when I read it. But that's a very minor suggestion.
This is wonderful, and I still can't believe I missed it. ~Carole~
Wow, Death really seems so awful in this poem! Those poor poor people. I hope I never have to go through the same situations. Beautiful job!
Author's Response: Thanks. :)
:/ One of my favourite poems from you. It reminds me of The Nundu, which you know I love. It is so chilling, and yet so sad and hapless. I admire how well you pull of structured poetry. Well done!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks Nat. I do tend to write villanelles about impending death a lot, don't I? (Probably why I'm not as big a fan of this poem - done that before!) I'm glad you liked it though <3