Pretty good story but not fantastic. I didn't like how you repeatedly called snape 'sev', you could have used "severus', 'snape', or things like 'he'. But good overall.
I really liked the opening of this fic. The idiosyncrasies of Lily’s family were amusing, and I really got a sense of Lily’s childish enthusiasm for life. Your characterisation of Severus was good too; it fits with what we see of him later in life, but manages to be likeable too. The way that only Sev can satiate Lily’s curiosity about the magical world shows why she was drawn to him.
The relationship between Lily and Petunia was kind of sad. Lily seemed so considerate towards Petunia, but as in their future, Petunia doesn’t want to know. The way that their mother took Petunia’s side was also quite sad. Lily is the odd one out in the family, but isn’t really part of the magical world yet either.
The wintery setting was well done. I can empathise with the feeling of wanting to get straight back into bed on a cold morning. I particularly like the phrase “the world is remade”. Snow is quite magical, especially for a ten-year-old. Lily’s concern over the owls made me smile. I suppose most witches wouldn’t think to worry about owls, but then Lily isn’t most witches.
My heart stopped for a second when you described Sev’s injuries. His father’s cruelty is quite horrific, and fits with the person he grew up to be. The contrast you have created between the two children is vivid, and Lily’s incomprehension serves to highlight how damaged Severus is. Your choice to have Sev’s father use the word “freak” was interesting because it parallels Petunia’s words. Sev and Lily may be quite different, but they are seen in the same way by some, simply because they are both magical.
I have to ask though. How big are Lily’s coat pockets?! I would struggle to fit a wrapped up scarf and gloves even child-sized ones, into any of my pockets. It’s not important, but I couldn’t help noticing it. I also found the kiss rather strange. They are still children, and until that point seemed mainly innocent. It felt like something that should be happening to them a few years later.
Anyway, apart from that, I enjoyed your story. Lily and Sev were very likeable, and well characterized. Their relationship was obviously very close, and I could understand why she felt so drawn to him. The setting was nice, and some of the details were very amusing. Your choice of p.o.v. and tense were effective and well managed. I just feel that the whole kiss thing would have happened a little later on in their lives.
This is a nice beginning. I'm looking forward to more.
I like the start of this.