Ahhh - and again, as soon as I started reading that letter, I wondered if it was Gloria. How interesting! And you've hinted at all sorts of backstory with Harry here as well. I love the nod to canon with Hannah, it's perfect. And you've left yourself a perfect set up for a sequel, which is always fun.
Really cool story - great bad guy, great dastardly plan, and great writing. I really enjoyed it - good luck! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: I'm thrilled you enjoyed it! I'm glad you like Gloria, as she will be making appearances in the future (I did kind of leave myself with the perfect excuse to write a sequel, NGL). Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review, every single one made my day several times over. :D Good luck in your category of the challenge as well!
As soon as Neville realized he wasn't as high as Lancaster, I went "Oh no!!!" Very well plotted! Must see if he is all right...
Author's Response: Well spotted. ;) Entire story was actually leading up to that moment.
Ooooh, the plot thickens! I can't imagine how bad Neville feels for giving this guy and even worse idea for the drug he's been forced to create. Oops. And I sort of feel bad for Gloria as well - why is she being held there? Or is that a plot point for later?
I feel bad for the rat, esp. if he was an Animagus. At least he got word to Harry, I suppose. Yet the message back is bleak. I'm fascinated about Neville's history as an Auror now. The references to him receiving those messages before really gave it good depth.
It's looking bleak, though. I have no idea how he's going to get out of this. Poor Neville.
Good luck as you continue, it's a great story so far!
Author's Response: I'll be posting some of Neville's time as an Auror in this continuity, so if you're still curious it'll be available. :P "The Breaking Point" also goes into some of Neville's time in Auror training in this continuity, which also sheds a little light on his... less-than-stellar views of the Ministry.
As for why Gloria is being held... she's just tried to make a deal with Neville to off her dad, and he knows that that's what she wants. He's a bastard, but I can't blame him for wanting to keep her from obtaining power.
I can't wait to see your reaction to Part 4 and the Epilogue. Thanks for reviewing!
Very cool! I'm glad Neville figured it out and managed a way to get word to Harry. That was really brilliant too. A part of me is wondering if the rat in an Animagus perhaps? Good plotting. This Lancaster bloke is a bastard. And again, poor Neville. :(
Author's Response: Lancaster is a bastard. I want to stomp on his face. I love that you picked up on the intelligence of the rat, but I think the rat is just a rat - at least, he was a rat when Neville had his laboratory at St Mungo's. Who knows what he was before then. :) Thank you!
Very cool start! There are a lot of hints at a darker past here that are fascinating. You've also tapped into Neville's personal history really well. The Stifling Curse was brilliant - one of those things I wish JKR had thought of so we could all use it!! And the end was a great cliffie - poor Neville. :(
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm having a lot of fun with this darker Neville in another story, and when this challenge came about I knew I had to use him. I'm rather proud of the Stifling Curse - it seems like something a crime lord would have handy. Glad you're hooked by the ending. Thanks for the review!
I knew I wanted to be the first reviewer on this, but I didn't want to be the second, too. *sigh* the reviewing button has not been put to good use lately..
Anyhow, now I know exactly why you wanted to know about narcotics on ls, and I think you did a good job explaining it without going into excessive detail :)
I feel sooo bad for poor Neville :/ I mean, really, Jamie? You are so cruel to someone who is supposedly your favourite character! But honestly, as always, I do think you did a lovely job in portraying him.
If there was one thing I wasn't sure about it would be the fact that Neville says he isn't amazing with plants, although, on second thought, that may have been an excuse. Continuing as if it wasn't, though, I do feel Herbology was the one thing he took pride in and he would have admitted to it.
Gah, you make me want to know what happens next NOW. Forget the queue, just let me read it.
I must go poke the rest of teh flist to review. Lovely story, really :)
Author's Response: Oh, things are going to get even worse for poor Neville, although I think he can handle it, if just barely.
As for the herbology thing... yeah, he's good with plants, and he knows it. But I think he also knows that he's far from a genius. It's something he's knowledgeable about and he's proud of it, but he knows when things are beyond his ken and he knows he's not Mr Big Shot. It actually kind of irritates me when fics treat Neville as Foremost Herbology Expert Of The Universe, because really... he's Neville. He's good with plants, but he's no genius.
I look forward to your reaction to future chapters. Thank you for the lovely reviews. :)
Ooh, Jamie, I like this. I love the way everything happens so quickly but there's still a ton of questions and "fun" (ha! yeah right.) yet to come.
I am totally jealous of your characterisation of Neville yet again >.> I love how you just...get him. And tbh I love love love the way this is a totally different contiuum of Neville but he's still the same bamf guy (in a nutshell)
I would continue in this gushy review but I believe that all that can be said is that there is very little I didn't love about this first chapter. I could say slow down teh pace a little but I know you have a word limit and I kind of like it the way it is :)
Good luck in the challenge, hon.
(p.s. I am sorry this is by no means a good review, but it is the first, and I can lord it over people's heads one day :P)
Author's Response: LIly,
So glad I make Neville resonate. As if you couldn't tell, he's my favourite character to write because I feel like he's an old friend. I'm glad that it comes across in my writing. :)
I'm kind of having fun with the breakneck pace things are going, especially since that's really the trademark of a good heist or caper film, and that's what I'm trying to capture: a lot of moving parts coming together all at once. I hope that I've set them up nicely, because I can't wait to knock them all down.
Thanks so much for the review! I can't wait to post the rest.
(Lord away. :P)