This is a nice piece. I like the story-- it's sweet and nice, soft and pleasing to read. I like how you haven't *changed* Pansy into this kind, generous girl. She's still the bitch that she was-- only, she's toned down now. That was nice. The characterisation was good too. Pansy, I feel, is very well written. Susan was like I imagined her.
There are a few places where you have mixed up Susan's and Pansy's names-- or maybe there's some punctuation error there. You should just read through the fic once and fix that.
Even though Pansy looked thicker than a Warrington, she spent most of her time reading. She hadn’t at Hogwarts. He’d laugh at her if he saw her reading,
In this line too, you've mentioned 'he' without Preamble and I had to read on to understand that you meant Malfoy and not Warrington. If you didn't want anyone to know the name before Malfoy entered the store, you can italicise the 'he'd', so it will be understood that Pansy is talking about someone else other than Warrington. :)
I really enjoyed this story, all in all. Good job!
Author's Response: Thanks for reading my fic! I love, love, love the banner, it definitely just made my day. <3
As for Pansy .... I definitely had some struggles with her. Luckily, Alex straightened me out, and Pansy remained her own bitchy self, but as you said, softer. I think she really would have learned to tone it down after the war. I'm glad you liked her, and Susan wasn't very easy, either. :)
I'll look into possible name mess ups, but I purposely put the 'he' without preamble. I didn't want to confirm it was Draco until they actually met .... but I'll probably italicise it later.
Thanks for the review, though, and I'm so glad you liked it. :)
OH MY this is beautiful and perfect and....beautiful and perfect and absolutely I love it. Thank you so very, very, very much.
I love every single aspect of this. Maybe especially most I love how you have Pansy admitting that she was a bitch and wanting to be different. This is my inner Hufflepuff showing up but I think in this story Pansy is incredibly sweet because of that.
And Pansy/Susan? That is a rarepair of the HIGHEST ORDER and I love you for trying and absolutely, absolutely succeeding in writing it. I love how they appear so completely different on the outside and are so very alike on the inside--LIKE US! (hahahahaha...had to say that)
And maybe most of all I love Draco and Pansy (not together but their attitude towards each other.) I always thought it was weird that Draco didn't marry Pansy but now I see it was because Pansy loved SUSAN--HA!
In all seriousness, though, I would have thought that Pansy would have been very hurt by the breakup--because I think it would be painful between them but that may be just me--and I think you did that very well.
Anyway this is a crap review but I need to go to sleep BUT I wanted to be the first reviewer on this story, and I AM. So...this was Jess's countdown, JUST FOR US.
I LOVE YOU TWIN AND I LOVE THIS STORY AND THIS IS AMAZING AND WAY BETTER THAN YOU THINK IT IS AND WAY BETTER THAN I DESERVE.
And that is all I will say....
Author's Response: Lily, any review that long could not have been a crap review. :) First of all ... had to take care of that. :)
As I said on AIM last night, you have no idea how relieved I am you like it. Pansy/Susan is quite a rarepair, and I'm glad you caught the Hufflepuff/Slytherin and very subtle references to character. (but not in a femmeslash way for us, that'd be weird ...) :) Draco *was* a big challenge to think about, simply because Pansy was all over him, but I guess in the end he really hurt her and yes, he didn't marry her because she loved Susan.
I am so glad you like it. :) Pansy was, well, a bitch to write (and I guess it is kind of sweet she admits it ...), but it was worth it a hundred times over reading your review. And, believe me, you deserve it ... and a lot more. :) You're amazing, twin. (This is probably one big ramble but its before 7:00 in the morning so I think it is worth it. :D)
Happy birthday, twin.