Reviewer: goldensnidget92
Date: 06/12/12 23:35
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Why I'm Afraid of Spiders

This was absolutely wonderful! I don't know why I didn't read it sooner.

I love the way you wrote it with his voice: so much more convincing than if you'd written it through Ron as an older person looking back. It really seemed like you'd put a lot of care and attention into writing it, and I loved how you misspelled the longer words.

I thought it was interesting how you sort of merged Teddy and Ron: how when 'Teddy' was shaking, you could tell that it was really Ron who was shaking. It was like the two sides of his personality - the true Gryffindor and the one who is slightly more hesitant and afraid. Am I reading too much into this?

Anyway, it was excellent - well-written, emotive and entertaining. Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am so glad you liked it!

I am glad you liked the way I wrote it in Ron's voice at that young age. I took a lot of time to get it right, so I am so glad you liked it. I am also gald that the misspellings didn't bother you, because I was slightly afraid that they would annoy people, so I am so glad you thought they added to the story, as opposed to taking from it!

Don't worry you are not reading too much into it at all. That was what I was doing - merging Teddy and Ron, because realistically they both are Ron, if you get me. Obviously Teddy isn't real, so Ron is doing nothing more than projecting a bit of himself onto Teddy and bringing him to life that way - the two parts of Ron are there, the brave Gryffindor and the slightly hesitant and fearful person too.

Thanks so much for the review, I really appreciate it and I am so glad you enjoyed it! :-)

Reviewer: silverlining95
Date: 05/21/12 21:43
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Why I'm Afraid of Spiders

I honestly had no idea what to expect when I clicked on this, and that's not normally something I like. In this instance, however, this proved to be astonishingly good.

As the proud big sister of a three year old boy, I thought Ron was perfect. His logic, mannerisms and sadness were not only realistic of his age, but also of Ron's character. He was so true to the Ron we know and love, for instance the attempt to come out from the shadow of Fred and George by riding their brooms seemed perfectly plausible.

The entire storyline with Teddy was truly heartbreaking. The fact that Ron lost the one friend he thought he had at such a young age fits seamlessly with the Ron we know from canon and his longing to be loved.

This made me cry, and one particular line stuck with me the most; 'Teddy wasn’t my friend anymore. Teddy had become a bad wizard.' Not only was this a heartbreaking example of a three-year-old's logic in such a situation, but also reminded me of something Sirius said to Harry in OoP, that 'the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters'. Yet both Harry and the Ron in this instance couldn't yet comprehend that, which made me cry even more!

LOVED IT.

Fenella x

Author's Response: Thank you, a thousand times! To hear all that from some one who has a three-year-old brother is just brilliant really. I based this on my little cousin see, but I don't see her very much, so to hear from someone who is around a 3 year old frequently, really means a lot. Thank you so much

I am glad this story is different that you expected, this was just an experiment really, and I didn't even think it would get validated, but to have it got approved and have people enjoy it is just mind-blowing to be honest. I am so glad you liked Ron's logic here, and well done on spotting how he wanted to come out of the shadows of Fred and George (that was my intention, so I am really glad you picked up on it!)

Yeah, you are right about the quote from OOTP and how the world isn't divided into good people and Death Eaters, and how Ron is too young to understand that - but if I am honest with you I wasn't thinking of that quote at all, but I was thinking about the idea behind the quote, how the world is not as black and white, in the you are either good or bad sense, as Ron believes it to be at this age.

Thank you so much for all the nice things you said - they really made me smile. So glad you enjoyed this! :)

Reviewer: Northumbrian
Date: 05/16/12 9:12
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Why I'm Afraid of Spiders


Wow!

Personally, I don’t think that you need to apologise or explain about the bad grammar and spelling, because there isn’t any. This is a wonderful insight into the mind of 3-year-old Ron. It is brim full of beautiful, perfect and truly sad child-logic. I’m a grumpy old bloke, but the naïve sadness in lines like “I didn’t want the broomstick to be broked, but it was broked.” really got to me (having kids helps, I suspect).

This is Ron, it’s a Ron we can recognise, and he’s only three! That alone is something to be proud of. Having recently struggled through the first few chapters of a Ron/Hermione/Harry/Ginny story only to realise that four lead characters simply weren’t Ron, Hermione, Harry, or Ginny I really appreciate the craft and care which you have taken in getting little Ron right in this one-shot.

The ending is disturbing and nasty, and absolutely perfect. Ron’s worries and fears are so real, from “who’d eat the black ones” to “what if new Teddy didn’t smell of ketchup?” you capture the confusion of a child whose world, through no fault of his own, has changed for the worse.

It’s because of the care you’ve taken that I want to be extremely nitpicky. First: “We flied around the garden with our wands from the tree. He flied around hunting for the bad wizards.” I think that the He in the second sentence is supposed to be another We, I may be wrong. Second: (and this is personal opinion) the one word which jumps out to me as being too grown up is “explain” (possibly simply because my son couldn’t say it and instead used splain for years). As I said, very minor nitpicks.

Congratulations, you have written a wonderful story.

-N-


Author's Response: Wow! You've left me really speechless if I am honest with you! I think this is the best review I have ever gotten!

Sorry about the explanation at the beginning. I did that mostly because Mugglenet are very strict on what fics they validate, and I've had chapters rejected because of spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes, so I included those warning so that the validators would know all those "mistakes" were deliberate. I genuinely thought though that this wouldn't get approved, so I was really happy (and surprised) when it was.

I am really speechless to be honest with you. I am so glad that you think I did a great job getting into a 3-year-old's mind. I mostly just based it on my little cousin really, she's only four and I play with her all the time. I'm still pretty much a kid myself, so to hear from someone who has kids that this is not only realistic and believable but also moving and enjoyable is just brilliant. Leaves me speechless really!

I am so glad you think this is Ron. I hate reading fics that have the characterisation completely wrong too. It just makes me cringe. I did my best here to try and capture what I reckon Ron was like at this age, so I am very glad (and relieved) that you think I did a good job!

I am also glad you liked the ending, and that you described it as "disturbing and nasty", because that was really what I was going for, and I wasn't too sure whether or not I managed to convey Ron's sense of horror afterwards. So cheers for that!

Yes, you are right there - that "He" should be a "We" - that was just a typo and I've fixed it there, so thanks for pointing it out. Also, cheers for the suggestion on "splain", that definitely sounds much better, so I've changed that too, really loved that suggestion, so thanks a million for it.

Just thanks so much for taking the time to read my story and to leave this really brilliant review. I really appreciate it, especially since its coming from a parent. Thanks so much. I'm still pretty speechless so I really don't know what to say. This was just a bit of an experiment and I really was unsure whether it would work or not, and I am just stunned that people actually like it. Can't believe it really! Thanks so much again for all the nice things you said, appreciate it! :)

Reviewer: mppfangirl1960
Date: 05/14/12 18:44
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Why I'm Afraid of Spiders

Very nice.

Author's Response: thanks :-)

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 05/11/12 9:44
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Why I'm Afraid of Spiders

Oh, this is glorious! I love this story. It's so clever and heartwarming. An then it's so very, very sad at the end when he realises that Teddy is never coming back and Teddy gives him all the bad dreams.

I think my heart broke at that point because it reminded me so much of the last Winnie-the pooh story when Christopher Robin leaves :( .

I was particularly impressed with your characterisation of Ron here. It's so clear to see the boy and man he becomes from this three year old self. How excited he is to fight Dark Wizards. How he longs to be more than just the last boy in the Weasley family. And also how lovely Molly is to him. Really you caught his voice so beautifully.

askinmg - I think that's a typo, and I'm only pointing it out because the rest is flawless.

Really enjoyed this.

~Carole~

Author's Response: You have left me speechless if I am honest with you! I don't know what to say! I sort of went out on a limb here, I didn't even think this story would get validated, because Mugglenet are very strict on the spelling/grammar front and there are a lot of deliberate errors here. I am so glad you thought it was sad and heartbreaking, because that was what I was going for. I was just re-reading Chamber of Secrets, and got to the bit where Ron says he is afraid of spiders because Fred turned his Teddy into one, and I just thought, there is an interesting story there so I decided to write it! I am so glad you thought the characterisation was good! You've hit the nail on the head, I wanted to show a bit of the older Ron's desire to fight the bad guys with Harry. I particularly liked that you picked up on Molly Weasley, again I just felt that was really important to convey, because when Ron destroyed the Horcrux, Voldemort taunted him saying: "Least loved by the mother who craved a daughter", and I really didn't agree with that. Molly Weasley wouldn't love Ron less than the others, so I feel anyway, and I wanted to show that. Cheers for telling me about he typo. I have fixed it - it's just so hard to spot everything. I am so glad you enjoyed this and thank you so much for such a nice review, really appreciate it! Thanks! :)

Reviewer: majestic_ginny
Date: 05/10/12 18:46
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Why I'm Afraid of Spiders

This is really good! i felt so sorry for little Ron. The language used was just perfect for a 3 year old; it was just like I was listening to Ron in my head. It's very clear WHY Ron is so afraid of spiders now. Really good job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am so glad you felt like you were listening to 3 year old Ron in your head, that's exactly what I wanted to achieve with this! I am also glad you think it clearly shows why Ron is afraid of spiders now! Thanks so much for reviewing, really appreciate it, glad you enjoyed it :)

Reviewer: armagod679
Date: 05/10/12 14:58
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Why I'm Afraid of Spiders

Charming, if somewhat macabre. The language used is very realistic of a three-year-old and the emotions are just right. Overall, a very good story!

Author's Response: That's so much! I was going for macabre to tell you the truth, this is the origin of Ron's fear after all, so I sort of figured it had to be like that. I am so glad you thought I got the language and the emotions right. Thanks for the review, much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed the story!! :)

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