Reviews For The Day We Forget
Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 10/20/13 17:04
Chapter: The Day We Forget

This is an interesting poem based on the aftermath of the Battle. The survivors must feel guilt for living whilst others died, and I think you’ve captured this very well. These lines, especially, sum up their sadness for me:

We can’t close our eyes.

We can’t stand the dark.

The quite deafens us.

Memories paralyse us.


Although, I think you mean ‘quiet’ and not ‘quite’ there.

But inside us it never ends.

We are all haunted.

Haunted by what we did,

What we didn’t do.


I thought that this was a powerful stanza that really brings the horrors of the Battle and war home to the survivors because none of them will ever be all right, not really. I wasn’t sure about the punctuation, though. I think, to make sense grammatically, you’d have been better off using either a comma or a dash after the first ‘haunted’. The full stop turns the next two lines into a fragment rather than a sentence. I also wondered if you’d considered enjambment, so not all the lines start with a capital letter. Capitals tend to make me pause as I read a poem or story, and it might assist the flow if some lines started with lower case letters.

That is very much a personal preference, though, and I did enjoy the poem. Well done. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thanks so much, Carol. I see there were some errors and areas for improvment. I appreciate the constructive crit. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem overall, though. Sorry for the late response.

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 07/02/12 20:39
Chapter: The Day We Forget

Ooooooo! This was awesome! I especially enjoyed the second to last stanza- haunted by what we did, what we didn't do. It sends chills up my spine! I never liked guilt, but this type of guilt I'm sure would cause people to go crazy...

Author's Response: This is the first thing I wrote after returning from a very long hiatus. It sort of just came to me. I've always wondered how the survivors could really move on after the war, especially the ones who have seen so much violence.

Reviewer: MJ_Padfoot
Date: 06/06/12 15:34
Chapter: The Day We Forget

Wow. This is really powerful! I love how it applies to any of the remaining characters that fought in the war. Well done. ~MJ

Author's Response: Thanks so much. I'm glad you thought it could apply to any of the survivors, as that was my goal. So often everyone only thinks of the characters in terms of which side they fought for. When it comes down to it, they are all only human. I really appreciate the review. :)

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Dark Enough To See The Stars by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Scorpius is looking for answers in the constellation that bears his name. He...
Four Secrets by hestiajones 6th-7th Years
In a world where Peter does not hero-worship James, James’s life foreshadows...
The Purity of the Turf by Nagini Riddle 3rd-5th Years
"Only know you love her when you let her go...And you let her go." -Let Her...
FEATURED
Etched in Gold by Cirelondiel 1st-2nd Years
"It’s like a safe place, somewhere to watch the world, somewhere...
The Elder Tree by the opaleye 1st-2nd Years
It would have been no surprise to see Vernon Dursley sitting on the frosty concrete...
Perfect First by Hermiones Kneazle 1st-2nd Years
Hermione is at her first dance and on her first date, but the night for firsts...
blackbird over the dark field by psijupiter 3rd-5th Years
AU. Severus and Remus forge a damaged and damaging relationship in the aftermath...
Turn to Stone by iLuna17 1st-2nd Years
One summer's night in Hogwarts, two statues are given one night to be human.
Ashes of the Past by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Viktor carries the memory of Grindelwald's path of destruction, passed down...
What War Takes by WeasleyMom 6th-7th Years
War takes things and keeps on taking them, and the things it takes don't come...
The Observer Effect by Squibstress 6th-7th Years
Minerva is a watcher. Mostly, she watches Severus. She sees through a glass...
CATEGORIES