Reviews For Taken
Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 01/07/14 6:42
Chapter: The Train

I like this story. I think you've captured Luna's voice very well. The references to Blibbering Humdingers, and Invisible Meese (that made me smile as I was imagining huge mice) grounded this as a Luna story. But she wasn't too 'dippy'. You gave her some spirit, that same spirit that got both her and Ollivander through those dark days at Malfoy Manor.

I thought the reactions of everyone on the train were spot-on. Luna immediately standing up, possibly not sensing the danger, and Ginny immediately searching for a solution because she's very aware that Luna could be about to die. And you captured Bellatrix's voice very well. That horrible taunting tone she employs was well written here.

There's a canon error, though. Luna was taken on the train from Hogwarts to King's Cross, and not the other way around. We know this because Harry, Ron and Hermione visit Xenophilius during the Christmas holidays and Luna isn't there. Her clothes, books and trunk are missing and her room is dusty, so it's clear she hasn't been home since the summer. You could change this to the journey from Hogwarts, but it would mean rewriting the start, which is a shame as the references to Muggle children were good.

You might want to take another read through, too, as there were one or two places where a word was missing and thus the meaning was unclear.

For once the strange Muggle fashions and technologies weren’t enough to keep happy.

Keep who happy? Luna or the Muggle children?

Anyway, that's a minor quibble. The timeline problem is more of an issue, but it is one that could be corrected. I did enjoy the story, and as I said, I do think you caught Luna very well here, and she's a hard character to write without making her too dreamy and whimsical.

Enjoyed this, story, Aida. Well done. ~Carole~

Reviewer: Oregonian
Date: 04/19/13 1:42
Chapter: The Train

This story is a good evocation of the climate of danger and fear that existed during the final year before the downfall of Voldemort. The conversations among the students on the train are stilted. Assuming the train is bugged, they speak in code which carries double meanings. "She had copies." The first year students are described as terrified and so scared. (It would have been nice to give a bit of description of what the first-years were doing that made them appear scared.)

The author includes brief mentions of Luna's imaginary creatures. She thinks about Blibbering Humdingers and Invisible Meese, and mentions Crumple-Horned Snorkacks and Wrackspurts in passing, during the don't-mention-anything-important conversation in the compartment. These mentions serve to show us that this is still Luna, but changes in her communication style ("Luna was getting a bit better at subterfuge") show that as she matured, she became more aware of how her speech sounded to other people.

Luna understands instantly why she is being taken from the train and why she is not in immediate danger of death. Despite her outwardly dreamy demeanor, she has a grasp of the politics of the situation. "She tried to keep her tone casual" indicates that she instantly recognized how serious this development was.

When she says, "Yes, it's very nice of them" to Bellatrix, she is continuing to maintain her facade of non-threatening naivete, although we see later in the book that she is the person who survives about three months in the Malfoy dungeon and is able to cut bonds with a hidden nail.

This story is well-written, with only the one suggestion mentioned already. It avoids stereotyping Luna as out-of-touch and reveals her innate intelligence and toughness. A good job.

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 06/27/12 16:59
Chapter: The Train

I love how you characterized Luna, but in the seventh book, it said that Luna had been taken during the Christmas season. So why would she ask her friends if they had a good Christmas? She would have already been taken... (see chapter 20, Xenophilius Lovegood, pages 396-397 of the American version of the Deathly Hallows) other than that, I think that this was a great short story. You captured the essence of Luna well.

You must login (register) to review.
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.

We have stories and authors in this archive.


Choose Theme:
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
Severus's Prince by DestinyMoonStar Professors
What does Severus Snape do when a one night stand turns into a baby boy? ...
Other Lives and Dimensions and Finally a Love Story by MoRoCcAnAnDpRoUd Professors
The year is 1977, and the Wizarding World is in turmoil, but it doesn't really...
Oread, Walking by Seren
Cedric was just as odd as Hermione, because he liked to walk. Cedric/Hermione
The Effect of Gamma Rays on Two Terrifically Trapped Gryffindors. by Fenixaze 3rd-5th Years
From the "Stuck where for the weekend?" Challenge on ... Our two...
Drunk on Him by armagod679 Professors
For me, he was an obsession, a burning obsession, one that I could never let...
A Broken Hallelujah by epiphany212 Professors
You have always loved the chase. The pursuit of Quaffles and dragons have carried...
In the Hufflepuff Way by 1000timesingoldenink 3rd-5th Years
Did anybody really appreciate Hannah's mum?Because Mrs. Abbott was a heroine...
And Now... by Oregonian 3rd-5th Years
Moments after the death of Voldemort, Harry gazes at the corpse of the Dark...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 1 by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Welcome back to another rousing round of rambunctious rock!However, a new act...