Reviews For Parallels
Reviewer: bkaddictjk
Date: 03/01/13 10:09
Chapter: Parallels

Stupid Remus... Well, he'll come to his senses someday, Tonks... and then he'll lose them again... but they'll come back... just before you both die... wow this is a really really sad story...

You know, I think I really like your writing. Great job~!

Reviewer: Maple_and_PheonixFeather
Date: 09/16/12 3:54
Chapter: Parallels

Hey Sophie!

I read this once before, but I think I liked it better on the second go round. This is a very lovely piece, and I’m glad I got the chance to read it again.

It was interesting how you opened the story in present tense, when it has the stylistics of a flashback. It definitely gives a good hook to the reader, because it is a very unusual way of doing things. It makes the whole thing seem so much more immediate and personal, which is what Tonks is feeling at the time, though we don’t know it yet.

I love how so natural and teenagery Tonks and Charlie’s relationship feels. It definitely has that very real feel of first love, and falling in love with your very good friend. Having Charlie feel jealous and angry when he finds Tonks with Max felt very believable. It is the exact reaction I would expect someone in his position to have. The hindsight on Tonks’ part was also very well done. Now that it has happened, she knows what all the little quirks in his actions are, and I think that is so reminiscent of a girl newly in love “ she begins to understand and realise what exactly was going on.

One scene that I thought really helped you set the stage to Charlie’s character is when Tonks talks about Charlie telling her about Max and that he “was struggling very hard to keep the grin off his face the whole time”. To me, this is reflective of the Charlie we see at the end. He clearly cares for Tonks, but there’s a part of him that is looking out for himself a lot too.

The sex scene is just so beautifully and tactfully written. Often times I find myself feeling uncomfortable during sex scenes because everything is so explicit and just uncomfortable. Yours is so tactfully done, and I don’t find myself thinking that it was just put in there as entertainment. I really feel like it was a necessary part of the story.

Your creation of Tonks and Remus’ relationship was surprisingly believable for me. In my headcanon, their relationship is nothing like this. But yet, somehow, I was convinced. I think this is one of the most important parts of writing “ convincing the reader.

I love how you made Tonks reflections feel like legitimate reflections. I think that, sometimes, when in first person, authors add too much description or make funky similes that no person actually ever thinks when reflecting. Here though, I bought it. I felt what Tonks was feeling, and never did I question that it was her. One quibble I did have was that the parallel concept felt a bit forced. I understand that she would be thinking about how similar things were between the two, but I feel like this part was a little too formal and didn’t fit in with the rest of the style you have written. That being said, I did love the last few lines, where she realises that she is the one who falls for the men who will always break her heart.

I really enjoyed this, Sophie. Thank you for introducing me to both Charlie/Tonks and Remus/Tonks. It was a thoroughly enjoyable read.

Maple

Author's Response: Maple, thank you so much for this review. This is probably the story that's been the hardest for me to write, so it's great to have someone's opinions on it, especially in such a fab SPEW review. I am awful at responding to SPEW reviews, though, so sorry both for keeping you waiting and for the useless response.

The flashback/dream thing was (as so often seems to happen to me) somewhat accidental. I wanted to write this sequence between Charlie and Tonks but I had no idea where I was going to take it. I knew I wanted to draw comparisons between Tonks's relationships with Charlie and Remus, and I didn't know how to make the connection. I'm not even entirely sure why I chose to make the scene a dream in the end. It just seemed like a good way to make an immediate transition between Charlie and Remus.

I'm glad you found the relationships I portrayed believable. It's not something I know a lot about from personal experience, so I've always got to go by my observations of other people and by things I've read or watched. I just have to hope I manage to stay true to life, if that makes sense. I'm especially pleased to hear that my Remus and Tonks worked for you despite not being what you expected. You're right -- convincing people is always important.

The smut -- well, I don't think I have it in me to write the sort of smut that would make you uncomfortable! Graphic isn't really my style, even the prompt behind this was somewhat more detailed, hah. I prefer to stick to innuendo and implications, and I'm glad that worked for you.

Before Soraya beta'd this, Tonks's voice wasn't really right -- too formal, like some of the later passages still are. It's thanks to her, really, that it felt as natural as it hopefully does. You make a fair point about the reflections at the end of the fic. Soraya pointed that out to me when she beta'd it, and I did try to work on it, but I know it's still not right. I had set myself on using the parallels thing, so I really didn't want to take it out, even when it felt forced.

Thanks again for the lovely review :) You've made some very useful points.

~Sophie

Reviewer: Crazy about Draco Malfoy
Date: 09/09/12 14:14
Chapter: Parallels

good

Author's Response: Thank you :)

~Sophie

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 07/11/12 8:43
Chapter: Parallels

I'm partial to a bit of Chonks (I wrote some in AA, and have some plans somewhere else) I see it as more unrequited than this, but did love the fact that you gave them a relationship aswell as a wonderful friendship. *sigh*

I would pick a little at her assertion that she holds her emotions together and doesn;t cry because to me Tonks is a character who always wears her heart on her sleeve to the extent that when she's repressed by real grief (Remus turning her down) it affects her whole being. If she was used to repressing her feelings, I don;t think she'd have been as badly affected in HBP. That's only my opinion, though, and it's a very small part of your story.

I loved Remus here. His admission that he'd come to St Mungo's rather than see Dumbledore was brilliant as was his embarrassment that he'd acted that way - ha ha.

OHHHH! And you dealt with the smutty side of this very well. It was such a strong image in that pic (hahahaha) but you wrote it without anything vulgar and there was that great moment where she got tangled up - hahahaha.

Well done - Carole~

Author's Response: Thank you, Carole!

Actually, I have a feeling that I first came across Chonks through you, with "Better than Chocolate". Having enjoyed that, I was very pleased to see Jess' picture. When I claimed it, I wasn't really thinking about how I would have to write smut; I just wanted to try the pairing.

When it came to the writing, I quickly realised that smut wasn't going to be as easy as people like you and Jess make it look - you might remember me freaking out about it a little in the Badger Bar. I felt quite self-conscious at the time fo writing, so I hope that didn't show through. I am so glad that you thought it was okay, though. I don't suppose I could do 'vulgar' even if I wanted to. Even doing relatively tasteful smut is a bit of a struggle for me. I felt like I needed to add a touch of levity in there, hence Tonks' tangle. I didn't want it to be too intense. That wouldn't really suit her, and besides, it was hardly going to go completely smoothly on their first attempt. She is far too clumsy for that!

To be honest, agree with you about Tonks and the repression/depression issue. She does seem to be a very open character, so the repression doesn't really fit. I did consider that maybe she should be more emotional, and at one point I had included a big crying scene in my plans, but it got lost somewhere along the way. My excuse now is that I think she would have grown more outwardly emotional as she grew more depressed. (I was trying to hint at the oncoming depression with all of her self-doubt at the end btw.) I suppose that the depression could have changed how she dealt with things. Maybe?

Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to review. It is always great to hear someone else's take on things.

~sophie

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