Hi,Cris. This is Vicki of Slytherin House, commenting on your poem about the Houses. Amidst the collection of post-Hogwarts stories about serious bad blood and misbehavior among the Houses, it is refreshing to read your poem that emphasizes that the traditionally-attributed qualities of each House have value and can make a needed contribution to the success of the entire community.
I also like your line which says there is not only one right way to assess a situation, solve a problem, or contribute Good to the society. Each House has its own functional style. You describe the Lion as courageous, the Eagle as soaring, and the Badger as wandering. But what about the Snake? Perhaps we can say the Snake is resourceful, since he manages to conduct his affairs without the assistance of arms or legs! (Being a Slytherin, I am sensitive about these matters.)
I was not sure what you were saying in line seventeen, Courses through that of so many; are you saying that this knowledge courses through the hearts or brains of so many people. You say that three will become one, but I would like to think that four will become one and the Slytherins will not be left out. The Founders, and their differences that ultimately divided them, are dead now, and let us let them stay dead and buried.
Two little editing points. In line fifteen, changes “it’s” to “its”. The apostrophe gives us the contraction form of “it is”, and that’s not what you want here. And in line four, change “whom” to “who”; “whom” is a direct-object form, the direct object of a preposition or verb, as in “the man about whom I spoke”, or “the man whom I assisted has left the building.” When used as the subject of a clause “who fades away from the dream”, we dump the little “m” and just go with the basic “who”. Those little glitches are worth fixing up because they do look or sound jarring.
But in general your poem is very good, and I appreciate the fact that you are speaking of a subject that is not addressed very much in poetry. Thanks for writing, and I shall have to read your chaptered fic some day, especially if you finish it!
This is an interesting poem. I like the way you remind us of the four houses that made Hogwarts and how each had their merits that combined to make something great. Then the folly of Salazar Slytherin leaving the school, which really set up the hatred felt for the next thousand years. It’s a bitter story, but we know it has a good ending through our very special ‘trio’ which you reference beautifully at the end.
I do have some grammatical nit picks for you. however:
One whom fades away from the dream, however,
It should be ‘who’ and not ‘whom’.
And this line:
And the same fight rages until it's end.
It should be ‘its’ and not ‘it’s’ because the former is possessive and the latter means ‘it is’.
I’m unsure about the image of the ‘wandering badger’ because it seems to me that it was Salazar who left, and the badgers are the ones that stay put, preparing for battle and staying loyal.
I like the way you end this with so many knowing they must fight and win. The last line regarding harry having to do the final part of the Battle alone is very poignant. Well done. ~Carole~
What, no snake???? :) beautiful! I really enjoyed the messaging of uniting for a common cause! :)
Author's Response: Nagini Riddle, WOOHOO! MY FIRST EVER REVIEW!!!(: I am so you glad that you enjoyed reading my poem! And yeah, there is no snake unfortunately. He was the one that was shunned away from the other three because his views were different. But in the end, "three will become one and one will become all." In my line of sight, all four Houses will re-unite and the balance will be stronger than ever. I am so glad that you enjoyed my poem! Thank you so much for being my first review ever and hopefully there are much more to come! I will be posting many more of my works and maybe the one from booksie that you thought sounded much like Dumbledore's ideas. Thanks again, Nagini Riddle for reading and reviewing this poem, ~crbluvsravenclaw (Cris)!!!(: