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Name: wty123 (Signed) · Date: 09/12/17 23:17 · For: One-Shot

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Name: laydown (Signed) · Date: 07/27/17 22:24 · For: One-Shot
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Name: W r A c K s P u R t (Signed) · Date: 12/02/12 23:27 · For: One-Shot
That was awesome! :) wish it wasn't a one shot... i'd have read the rest :)


Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 10/18/12 5:25 · For: One-Shot
I particularly liked this story because of your spare (in the sense of not overdone) writing style. The story is told tightly, with the dialogue and no-more-than-necessary action, so that the reader does not have to slog through endless verbiage to glean the essence of the story. This makes your story very refreshing to read. I also appreciate a story in which the characters act intelligently and sensibly, since I tend to get impatient with characters who act like fools, as if they are their own worst enemies. Will enjoy reading more of this story.


Name: Maple_and_PheonixFeather (Signed) · Date: 08/11/12 16:35 · For: One-Shot
I should have known that a Scorpius story by you would not just be a Scorpius story, but a Neville story as well. *Shakes head affectionately* I was actually completely surprised to see him in here, but it was a very pleasant surprise, and I’m glad you included him.

As usual, I am in awe at your ability to create a scene without putting huge amounts of emphasis on everything that is actually there. This is really effective in, not only making a picture for the reader, but making the reader see the world through your character’s eyes. Though you don’t mention much of anything about the room, I can still see it. Instead, you describe the envelope. This really gets us into the character’s head right away, because Scorpius is likely to notice the envelope, given all it entails, but the room, not so much, as he sees it every day.

You have really rounded Scorpius into a very realistic character. He exhibits a balance of contrasting characteristics that would be evident in a real person. He is both confident and unsure, brave and meek. What made him the most convincing was that, no matter how estranged he feel from his parents, he still wants their approval. There is something so beautiful about that, and so human, that I really connected myself with Scorpius. The development he goes through as a character is really exciting to watch, especially as it spans only 4000 words. By making Scorpius so connectable, you have really made this story amazing.

I don’t know how you do it, but every time you write Neville, I am excited to read it, because I know you will present something new and more attractive about him. Here, I love how compassionate you made Neville. Neville could very easily hate Scorpius, simply because his father made his life miserable. Instead, he extends a hand of kindness towards him. Neville is the teacher I wish I had had while in school. You have taken all of the qualities canon Neville exhibits in the books, and molded it into a very wonderful adult.

Your take on Astoria is definitely original and refreshing. I have never seen her characterised like this. She is so much like Lucius, it’s bizarre, but in a totally good way. A lot of people characterise Astoria as someone who is almost nice. Here, you have made her worse than Draco, which I rather liked. It gave me an antagonist to root against. I also love how mother like you’ve still managed to make her. She clearly has mother’s intuition, and I think, deep down, she does care about Scorpius. She is the perfect blend of absolutely terrible and mother-like. And in the end, she is just mouthy enough for me to like her.

PLOT:
If I have one complaint about this story, it would be that it almost feels too similar to Neville’s OWL story. Like Neville, Scorpius receives an A in Transfiguration, an E in Charms, and an O in Herbology. And like Neville, Scorpius is told Charms is a soft subject. Both of them are subjected to what seem like unrealistic expectations by their guardians, who don’t quite appreciate what they have.

I really enjoyed the subtle dynamics between the Malfoys and Neville. While Neville, who has every reason to hate Draco and his family, is kind towards Scorpius and doesn’t speak ill of his parents, the Malfoy parents don’t like to talk about it. I think that is very interesting, and I kind of find myself wondering why. Neville didn’t really do anything to Malfoy specifically when they were children, besides fight for the good, but yet they don’t like them. It adds an interesting touch that reminds us of the history of this story.

The way you handled the idea of the father figures in this story was very well done. I felt bad for Draco, who feels outdone by Neville. For me, the scene where Draco realises that he is still Scorpius’ father, and no matter what, he would stay that way, was the greatest moment. In that moment, we realise that this story is not only about Scorpius, but about his parents and how they develop. Draco’s development was beautiful, as he finally realises what he should have known all along: Scorpius loves him, and he is worried about disappointing him because he just wants to please his dad, just like anyone else would.

What a beautiful piece of work, Jamie! It definitely followed a very realistic story, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Maple


Name: The_Real_Hermione (Signed) · Date: 08/05/12 5:28 · For: One-Shot
I haven't read your other story about Scorpius, but I thought this worked really well on its own. Your characterisation of Scorpius is really interesting - I've read about Scorpius being a carbon copy of his father, Scorpius being a rebel in Gryffindor, Scorpius being a shy high achiever... but somehow in all of those, he's effortlessly intelligent. I liked your Scorpius who really had to work for his marks, and whose favourite subject is Herbology.

I also liked the relationship you created with his parents - often in fanfiction, Astoria is presented as the easy option who's secretly on Scorpius' side, whereas here she and Draco seemed on the same page - and clearly they do love their son, and want something good for him, even though they're too blinded by what they expect to really understand what's best for him. I also liked how Scorpius really wanted them to approve and wants to please them.

I liked Scorpius' relationship with Neville, and the way Neville really took him under his wing, despite being a Malfoy - he sees Scorpius just for who he is, not his family, which I think is something Neville would definitely do.

Anyway, over all, I thought this was interesting and well-written.

~Katrina


Name: Eleanor Lupin (Signed) · Date: 07/31/12 23:42 · For: One-Shot
This was great! :) I really liked your Scorpius - I never pictured him as an herbologist, but I can completely believe it with your story. And goodness, we actually saw Neville for once! Odd, since you usually seem to avoid adding him in. ;) All sarcasm aside, Neville being in this story was quite nice. I loved the dynamic between Scorpius and Neville and also that he had taken a bit of a special interest in Scorpius (given how much grief Draco and his gang caused Neville during school, I wouldn't have blamed Neville one iota if he hadn't). I definitely want to see that sequel where he tells them about Rose, *please* write it when you get the chance! :)


Name: PeppermintToads (Signed) · Date: 07/31/12 1:54 · For: One-Shot
Great job! It would be really interesting to see a sequel when he tells his parents about Rose :)


Name: PeppermintToads (Signed) · Date: 07/31/12 1:53 · For: One-Shot
Great job! It would be really interesting to see a sequel when he tells his parents about Rose :)


Name: nevilleherosnape (Signed) · Date: 07/29/12 18:46 · For: One-Shot
Fantastic!! I love your stories!


Name: Ribe featherquill (Signed) · Date: 07/29/12 16:28 · For: One-Shot
I like this story, really great take on Scorpius. All his problems with his family is made very believable, because of it's the Malfloys after the war. They had fallen from grace, even though I doubt that it will take them more than a generation to become a notable wizarding family; Scorpius could be the person who restores their honour. Simply because he's a different person, but strong and still a Malfloy with their money and ability to blend with the right people.

I read the other story, "The invitation", and found myself a bit disappointed that it didn't feel completed. It would be great if it followed Scorpius, though Neville, at least until he leaves Hogwarts. This would be a great companion, to that kind of story. It's still great, though. If you, and I hope you will, writes more on "An invitation", you have a reader in me.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! "An Intervention" definitely is not yet finished - it kind of took a place on the back burner when some other projects started demanding attention, but it is a story I want to return to at some point and it will definitely follow Scorpius through Hogwarts and beyond.
I'm glad you enjoyed my take on Scorpius, as well. I haven't written the Next Gen kids very much, and I'll need to do more.
Thank you for your encouraging comments!


Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 07/29/12 12:40 · For: One-Shot
This was a slightly different take on the relationship in the Malfoy family and of Scorpius with Neville. Great narrative and a happy glow of pleasure at the end. Very satisfying. Thank you.


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