After her chapter in "Tales of the Battle" and "What Luna Sees," it seems a little weird to read a third-person Luna story by you. It is also a little weird to have Luna say she is waiting for someone to ask her out; in your stories, Luna was never afraid to take the initiative. Still, I note that she kissed him and that she asked to meet him. Then again, Rolf had been chasing her for years.
You know, any other character but Luna would probably ask themselves what just happened. That is what makes this such a good Luna story.
Thanks for the review.
I’m not sure why this one ended up being third-person. Luna is probably wondering why she waited, too. I suspect that she wanted to see what Rolf would do.
Hello, as a dane I do understand Swedish to an extent, and I noted one thing that was wrong. You write rådssalen chamber, råd is in this connection a form of council, salen is chamber, so you write in chamber chamber. What I try to bring through is that chamber is already part of the name of the chamber and it's therefore wrong to use that word just after.
Author's Response: Hi, and thanks for the review.
One of my readers is Swedish, and he took time to correct me (particularly with regard to Luna's conversation with the waitress, which was originally in formal Swedish. I'm surprised that he missed that, but I've changed it anyway.Tak -N-
I liked this story.
Author's Response: Thank you. -N-
That was sweet in such a Luna way :)
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it -N-
When you first introduced Rolf as someone much younger than Luna, it was the first thing you’d ever done that I didn’t agree with. I always thought Rolf would be much older than Luna, mostly because Luna is such a free spirit and so unusual that it would take an older soul to really appreciate her.
After reading this story, I’ve changed my mind. Your Rolf and Luna seem really well suited to each other. I would love to read more about their relationship as it plays out.
Thanks for the review
I will admit that, when I first thought about it, I assumed that Rolf was a lot older, too, but the more I thought about it, making him a lot younger made sense to me. First, it gave me a good twist at the end of ECCENTRIC, and it also showed why Luna married "later in life".
One day i'll write a sequel to this.
As every thing else seems to be in perfect creation, I am curious as to why you spelled cafe with a k, is it the Swedish way? I have no idea as I have yet to every leave my country.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Kafé is the Swedish spelling. I arrived back from Skåne County. Great place, friendly people, and generally wonderful. But: 68 SEK (£6.80) for a beer (and 0.5l, not even a pint)! It isn't cheap. :-D -N-
Great! Your Luna is among the best out there (after the real thing, of course). You even managed to make her seem almost reasonable compared to Bersten. Well done, very entertaining!
Author's Response: Thank you. Luna is always very reasonable, it’s simply often difficult to follow her reasoning. :-D -N-
AAAAAH!!! OH MY GOSH I LOVED THIS!!! SHE KISSED HIM! SHE KISSED HIM!!!! AAAAH!!!!
Author's Response: :-D Thanks :-D
This is a wonderful story!
Specially since Luna almost never is the lead character in the stories and still you can find a very interesting story with her in it. She is also one of my favourite characters.
But the best thing about this story is that it takes place in Sweden, which is where I live and it was so fun that you added some swedish into it as well! It always makes me happy to see that our country isn´t forgotten ;)
I am currently reading some of your other stories and looking forward to read the following chapters.
Keep up the amazing work!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review.
This isn't my first story with Luna. I can tell you that this (third person perspective) is a lot easier than attempting first person Luna.Sweden is a place I've visited only a couple of times, but it's a nice place (although doors which open out into the street surprise me every time). :-D As Luna believes the Snorcack to be native to Sweden, it seemed the logical setting for this story, too.
I hope that you enjoy my other stuff. Luna is in ECCENTRIC and What Luna Sees.-N-
Weee! 3 new stories! And they're great! (Which is no surprise). But one of them is set in Stockholm, which is a brilliant surprise!
I must say I'm very impressed with your use of Swedish terms and the description of places in Stockholm; For a non-native who has never been to Stockholm(?) you've done a remarkablably good job. Seeing the inside of Luna's mind (from your POV) is a treat as well. I'm guessing you were quite happy with the casting and depiction of her character in the movies?
The fact that you made Rolf younger than Luna cracked me up when I first read it in E.C.C.E.N.T.R.I.C. But it really is much nicer than the more common "Rolf-almost-as-old-as-Luna's-Dad" versions out there isn't it?
Nit-pickery - And this section is longer than the review solely because I'm really glad you took the time to use my native language and I'd like to help out. The story itself is just great!
- The definitive form of words.
What the English language does with 'the' is actually included in the words themselves in Swedish. Swedes make a word definitive by sticking bits at the end of them. Usually "-en" when describing single things and "-na" when describing multiple things. Also, 'Stan' is verbal shorthand for 'Staden', sort of like 'you're' and 'you are'. (Thus making 'Stan' definitive as well, hehe). So 'The thing-en' is like saying 'the the thing'.
- Names, including placenames, are capitalized (like in German), nouns are not (unlike German).
- Swedish completely dropped the use of honorary titles like 'madam' (noble, married lady), 'frun' (common, married lady), 'fröken' (any unmarried lady), 'herrn' (sir) in the forties and fifties (to much gnashing of teeth among members of the older generation). We are however taught in school that other languages still use them and waiters/waitresses will attempt to use them when speaking other languages. But not in Swedish. Ever.
=== Actual nitpicks are here ===
* 'The rådssalen' should either be 'The Rådssalen chamber' or just plain 'Rådssalen'.
* '...in the Gamla Stan, in the "Staden Mellan Broarna" I believe you call it.' should be '...in the Gamla Stan area or "Staden mellan broarna" as I believe you call it.'
* '...entrence arch, it was the Svenska Akademien.' should be '...entrence arch, it was the seat of Svenska Akademien.'
* 'Söder te' should be 'Söderte'
* ', vänligen' makes you sound like someone from the 19th century but is acceptable. 'Tack' would be more contempory. Vänligen is still used in full sentences though, just not as a stand-alone entity the way 'please' or 'thanks' can be used.
* Someone ordering something in Swedish would not get an honorary title like 'madam' or 'fröken' back. (Well, maybe if they used 'vänligen' and the waitress was fairly quick-witted they would.) Something like "Javisst", "Absolut" or "Kommer strax" would be more common. (translation: "Of course", "Absolutely", "[I'll] be right back [with that]")
* 'yo' should be 'to'
* We actually drink lots and LOTS AND LOTS more coffee than tea in Sweden. :)
Oh, oh, oh, if you want Luna to really shine make her use this word: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fika_(coffee_break).
But without linking to the wikipedia page no-one will get it so I guess no. But you can use it when you're in Sweden. :)
Regarding "Söder te"/"Söderte". Fun with Swedish sentences and a single space; Lesson #1
A) "Vi byter däck, spolarvatten och olja på din bil medans du väntar"
B) "Vi byter däck, spolar vatten och olja på din bil medans du väntar"
A) "We'll rotate your car's tires, change the oil and refill the windscreen wiper fluid while you wait."
B) "We'll rotate your car's tires, then pour oil and water [on it] while you wait."
Grammar Nazis have a lot more fun in Swedish than in English. But since some people/companies have made their own versions of Söderte and cunningly call that "Söder te" I guess this point can be ignored. (The reason I guess is that Söderte is a trademark but Söder (South) and Te (Tea) are too common to be trademarks. :)
Hi, thanks for the review, and the magnificent nitpickery. I knew that I was taking a chance in writing a story in Stockholm. I did a lot of research, obviously, I didn’t do enough.
I think that Evanna is closer than anyone to capturing her character. Making Rolf so much younger (seven years) than Luna was a risk, because we know his grandfather’s birth year. Rolf’s father and grandfather must have both become fathers in their forties (not impossible, fortunately).
I’ve been to Sweden a couple of times. On both occasions I flew into Copenhagen and crossed “The Bridge”, which will give you some idea on which part of Sweden I visited. I’ve never seen the Baltic, not yet. Oslo is the only Scandinavian capital I’ve visited. I’ve never been beyond Copenhagen airport (my Danish trip was to Billund :-D. If things go to plan, Rekjavik will be next. I actually considered setting this story in Rekjavik, partly because of the EDDa, but mostly because I wanted to type Eyjafjallajokull. :-D
My Deutsch is very rusty, I remembered enough to wonder whether I was capitalising the right words. I failed. I’ll go back and fix my errors.
Google translate gave me both Tack and Vänligen, and I’ve no idea why I chose Vänligen, as I’ve used Tak/Takk/Tack and listened to Norwegians and Swedes talking to each other without difficulty (and complaining about how strange the Danes are). Having said that, I’ll stick with Vänligen, because it probably makes Luna sound a little odd to the waitress, which is no bad thing.
English happily evolves and changes, and we’ll happily steal from anyone. We’ve got hundreds of Indian words and in my local dialect “going home” is “gannin hyem” which (I’m told) is almost scandinavian. The complex restrictions of other languages are, I admit, lost on me. Most foreign lanuages seem to have strange rules (like capitalising nouns – or the concept that an inanimate object can have a sex (why are french hats male?)) these are difficult ideas for me. :-D So thank you.
My late father used to say, "For every Jock there's a Jeanie".
So good to see the saying come true with Luna and Rolf.
They were made for each other, lovely story.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review.
A nice (and very Scottish) saying I’ve never heard before.I tried to make them a good fit. Luna certainly recognised a kindred spirit.
This was brilliant! Your characterization of Luna is spot on, and Rolf is absolutely perfect for her. He does certainly share some of her, let's say, eccentric ideas and personality.
Have a nice trip to Sweden.
Looking forward to more of any story! :)
I didn't want to make Rolf a fellow naturalist, making him a geographer could lead them to all sorts of interesting places.
Next will be another Triathlon story. After that, I'm in Sweden for a long weekend. After that?-N-
Will they find the tree before we find the end of Aurors and Schoolgirls? Little gem.
Author's Response: Thank you.
Will they find it at all? What can I say? Not before Hunters and Prey, that's pretty certain.-N-
Great story. I'm swedish, so fun with the swedish references. Just one thing, it's called Trolldomsministeriet (ministry of magic), but everything else was correct.
Author's Response: Thank you.
I tried researching the Swedish Ttranslation and couldn't find a translation for Ministry of magic so I did a literal Googletranslate, which probably wasn't the best thing to do. I've now edited it. Thanks again.-N-
You know, JKR said that Luna eventually gave up on the snorkacks. But never mind that, this story is so cute!
"‘I didn’t this morning,’ she said. ‘Now, I’m not so sure. At the moment I’m waiting for someone to ask me out.’
‘Will you go out with me?’ he asked hastily.
Unable to resist any longer, Luna leaned across the table and kissed him."
Luna is so Luna. And you have to write in more of Rolf in your other sotries (some of which, btw, are in serious needs of updates.)
Stockholm is a beautiful city- I hope you enjoy your trip to Sweden.
Thanks for the review.
I know what JKR said, the key word here is eventually. Perhaps it's rolf who persuades her. Stockholm certainly looks beautiful, but the closest capital city to me will be Copenhagen. I think that you can see it across the Öresund.
I like it! But is it meant to cut off so abruptly?
Author's Response: No, sorry. I did a minor edit and managed to introduce an html error which deleted the end of the story. Oops! It's fixed now. Thanks for letting me know. -N-