Reviewer: HP_Ber
Date: 08/28/12 1:32
Chapter: Chapter 1

I want more!! This is a great story. I look forward to seeing what more you have on this!!

Author's Response:

I'm so glad you like the story! I'm currently working on the second chapter, it should be up within the month.

Lily xxx

Reviewer: GinnyPotter95
Date: 08/27/12 21:47
Chapter: Chapter 1

Cliffhanger!
Can't wait for more of this!
Narcissa?!?!
~Nidhi

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review. I'll be sure to update soon.

Lily xxx

Reviewer: silverlining95
Date: 08/27/12 10:11
Chapter: Chapter 1

Initially I was drawn into the premise of this, and I have to say you've made the concept of Kingsley having a child seem plausible.

I really like what you've done so far, and the revelation at the end totally caught me off guard!

It's very well written, however I do have a few minor Brit-picks for you, for one 'grade five'. In Britain, we don't have grades, we have years. So if Toria is in her last year of Primary school and about to be eleven then she'd be in Year Six.

Another tiny Brit-pick; 'headed to third period' isn't quite right. For a Primary school student, in Britain (on the whole) lessons are generally in the same classroom, often with the same teacher, so it's unrealistic to have her casually moving classrooms. Also, a very very tiny correction I have is that whilst in secondary school lessons are often referred to as 'Period 3' and so on, saying '3rd period' is more of an American-ism.

I'm just trying to help there, I really do love what you've written so far and hope you'll update soon!

Fenella x

Author's Response:

Hmm, could you tell that I'm not British?? :P But thanks for the Britpicks. I always appreciate them and don't always catch all (or, realistically, any) of them, even with people's help. I'll make sure to change them and fix the problems asap.

I wasn't sure about this fic. I'm not going to lie. I didn't like it at all and I only submitted it after much consideration and encouragement. SO, with that, I'm very glad you think the premise is plausible, the writing is good, and that I should continue soon. I'll try to continue with all three of those.

Lily xxx

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