Reviewer: Dad
Date: 10/27/12 5:28
Chapter: The Edges of Evening
I am not sure what "END PART ONE" means. Will there be six more long chapters before the end of part two?
Reviewer: nevilleherosnape
Date: 10/26/12 20:55
Chapter: The Edges of Evening
Fantastically brilliant!!!
Reviewer: Ribe featherquill
Date: 10/24/12 13:25
Chapter: Fatalities and Interrogations
What a story! I like this, but when whill justice be done. How sad that Ron is dead. Thanks for the story.
Reviewer: Dad
Date: 10/20/12 5:29
Chapter: Fatalities and Interrogations
I cannot believe you killed off Ron!
Reviewer: nevilleherosnape
Date: 10/19/12 20:07
Chapter: Fatalities and Interrogations
Fantastic!!!
Reviewer: macheel
Date: 10/09/12 17:28
Chapter: The Case Against Harry James Potter
This story is getting good!
Reviewer: nevilleherosnape
Date: 10/09/12 17:15
Chapter: The Case Against Harry James Potter
Positively brilliant!!!
Reviewer: Dad
Date: 10/09/12 10:11
Chapter: The Case Against Harry James Potter
I nust admit I saw the D.A. thing coming, but it must be some one very clever to set it up.
Reviewer: Dad
Date: 09/24/12 19:00
Chapter: Turning the Tables
The plot thickens.
Reviewer: Bladeash631
Date: 09/24/12 14:26
Chapter: Turning the Tables
wow this is amazing nice cliffhanger can't wait to read more
Reviewer: nevilleherosnape
Date: 09/24/12 14:14
Chapter: Turning the Tables
Interesting. Very interesting!
Reviewer: majestic_ginny
Date: 09/09/12 6:25
Chapter: Prologue
Jamie, this was just... wow. It definitely has to be one of the best mystery stories I've read. Your writing style and vocabulary kind of made me feel that I was inside some murder mystery show like Castle, White Collar or CSI. It was electrifying, captivating and, at some times, rather bone-chilling.
Firstly, I must tell you that I absolutely loved Harry. He was so professional and so much more mature than the Harry we've read about in the books, and yet he still retains the sense of loyalty he feels towards his friends (It’s understandable that this is the Harry Potter we know and love, especially here: nor could he quell the odd feeling in the pit of his stomach that he was somehow returning home.) I can understand how guilty he feels by suspecting Neville. Neville has been his good friend since childhood, and suddenly having to suspect him for a murder and then arresting him must have been a huge dilemma for him. Your words have managed to transfer that pressure onto me, and I found myself pursing my lips and hoping that something would come up so Harry doesn't have to do this.
For the barest of moments, Harry closed his eyes, before turning the handle and entering the office. This line was so poignant, and having it as a separate paragraph managed to increase its significance tenfold. I’ve seen you do this a couple of other times (for example, the last line of the prologue, which was completely a bolt from the blue), and they have always rendered the same effect. I ended up sighing and shaking my head when I read the line. I could tell that Harry absolutely hated doing this, but he had no other choice. Duty was duty, and he had simply had to do it. I liked how he dressed up so professionally for this, just so that Neville understood that it was obligatory, no matter how much he hated it. I felt so sorry for both of them.
One thing I found interesting was the way you included all the FACTS and SUSPECT things. I felt like listing them all so that I could form my own folder for the case, haha. This originality is really commendable. I do wonder, though, if it would be better in italics. Having it in bold sort of breaks the flow slightly and looks like a division. I think having it in italics might make it look a bit better.
I love how you so professionally and accurately wrote the toxicology report and the list of licences. As I said above, this makes the story look exactly like a real murder mystery, and I think you’ve researched really, really well... and it makes me think whether you actually deal with these stuff in your real life, hehe ;-).
So far, the case looks like it would go against Neville. The plot twists were baffling, and every piece of evidence that came against Neville was bone chilling. My eyes widened at this line: “but if memory serves, Longbottom keeps a bowl of these on his desk." I know Neville didn’t do this (knowing your reputation, I’m sure you wouldn’t make Neville a murderer, lol) but still, this was a startling piece of evidence. All these facts combined with Neville’s nervousness and stuttering undeniably indicate that Neville is the murderer. You’ve done a good job at making it look like that!
The proof against Neville is substantial. I really want to know what it was that Neville and was talking about with Marcus. While I know that it is shocking for any father to hear that his daughter is sexually involved with a boy, I really, really doubt that he would go to the extent of killing him, and especially so if the dad happens to be Neville. Frankly, I don’t think Neville would do that. That leads me to wonder who would be able to sneak into Neville’s office, let alone his private stash in the room of requirement, to get the dragonbane and slip it into the sweets. This mystery has got me perplexed.
I absolutely can’t wait for the next chapter. You’re stunning and gripping tale has got me hooked, and I am waiting with baited breath for the next chapter.
--Nadia
Reviewer: Dad
Date: 09/04/12 10:51
Chapter: One: The Case Against Neville Augustus Longbottom
Well written and a very original plot. A pleasure to read.
Reviewer: PeppermintToads
Date: 09/04/12 2:21
Chapter: One: The Case Against Neville Augustus Longbottom
NOOOOOO!!! NEVILLE!!
You are such a great writer! This story is keeping me on edge and I have a hunch about the sweets, but I'm not sire if I'm right....
This is such a unique and twisting story! I can't wait for the next chapter!
Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter
Date: 09/03/12 21:46
Chapter: One: The Case Against Neville Augustus Longbottom
Harry's dilemma is brilliantly described in this chapter. Yes, it's difficult to make an arrest when you actually know the person and though Neville seems perfect for the crime, it seems as though he is not (or maybe he is-- mysteries have a cruel way of twisting and turning). I liked how all of Harry's emotions were well described. Excellent.
Neville made a boo-boo in the questioning. Ah. Of course. That was so in-character for him, once again. I liked Maggie's awkwardness in mentioning sex in front of her mother. Yes.
The toxicology report is good! I don't see why you feel you didn't know what you were doing!
I really liked this chapter and am definitely looking forward to the rest. This is a wonderful story!
Reviewer: nevilleherosnape
Date: 09/03/12 21:45
Chapter: One: The Case Against Neville Augustus Longbottom
Ooooooo!!! Exciting!!
Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter
Date: 09/03/12 20:07
Chapter: Prologue
Hey Jamie!
Ha, when I saw Harry and Neville being mentioned, I suspected something but then I saw the warnings and realised this was something else. Anyway, I enjoy good mysteries, like I just told you, and this is really, really good!
First of all, I loved the 'FACT' and 'SUSPECT' method. I never imagined the Auror department would be divided into several tinier departments to sort out homicide, unusual crimes, etc and this was very innovative of you. :)
Harry is well characterised. I can just see him as a busy fellow with ever-growing stacks of parchment. Slightly frustrated, older and still so Harry.
Grabbing McKinnon by the shoulder, Harry pulled him back and away from the knot of people around the body. "If you're going to interrogate him, at least have the decency to arrest him first," he growled.
I loved this. This was very much like him.
Although Harry would reserve his judgement until he'd walked the grounds, he couldn't help agreeing - nor could he quell the odd feeling in the pit of his stomach that he was somehow returning home.
I loved this too. It's wonderful that after so many years, Harry would feel that way about going to Hogwarts and if I had written the same thing, I'd have forgotten to mention this. Somehow, this little piece of information meant a lot and really put the icing on the cake.
Now about Neville. Well, I have no words. He's fantastic! So perfect! I could see the mixture of post-war Neville, Professor Longbottom and pre-war "why is it always me?" Neville too. It was a perfect combination and I can see Neville exactly this way at forty three.Yep, you ARE the Neville expert and I applaud you for that!
The murder itself-- you've got the medical stuff so right! Me likey! I am particularly (understandably) obsessed with medical details and I love it when someone describes them with such perfection. In the Muggle world Dragonbane would be strychnine (I'm guessing from the post-mortem details you've given). :D I wrote a strychnine poisoning myself and that's a deadly one. I wonder why someone killed Marcus Akers in such a way. I mean, poisoning to the spine is a very, very painful way to die. :o
This is golden, Jamie, and I'm moving to chapter 1 just now. And I'm so glad I decided to come try this out! It's wonderful! I'm going to have fun following this one and getting to the end. You've researched well and your characterisation is spot-on. Also, the writing is gripping and very professional. Well done!
Pooja xo
Reviewer: Lost_Robin
Date: 09/03/12 14:28
Chapter: One: The Case Against Neville Augustus Longbottom
Oh my good Godric!! Harry arrested Neville! Poor Neville. It just seems a bit obvious to have Neville murder Marcus. And I love your banner, especially Harry.
Reviewer: armagod679
Date: 09/03/12 13:53
Chapter: One: The Case Against Neville Augustus Longbottom
Very well done. i like the use of official reports and notes to not only show why Harry believes Neville is guilty, but to make us believe it as well. I'm still not entirely sure that Neville really is the murderer, but you have set it up very well to make it plausible. I can't wait to read more, even if Neville (a personal favorite, by the way) is being painted as a villain.
Reviewer: PeppermintToads
Date: 08/26/12 3:49
Chapter: Prologue
Wow. This is pretty dark writing. I like how you incorporated the facts and such throughout the chapter, it really helps to break it down. Can't wait to hear more!
