Hi Nagini. I am always impressed by the way you can take a tiny moment in time and stretch it out like a concertina so that we can see all the little surfaces inside. In this poem you have five verses, each one focused on a different aspect of Lily’s thought’s and reactions when confronted by Voldemort in the final seconds of her life.
People say that when facing one’s imminent death, time seems to go very slowly, as if everything is happening in slow motion, and that is the feeling that I get from this poem, that Lily really could think all these things, perhaps not in specific words, as you have given her, but in feelings perfectly expressed by these words.
There is repetition in these lines, but it is effective; in a situation like this, we would say the same things over and over, as if the repetition would somehow increase our chances of getting what we so desperately wanted. But I am struck by Lily’s plea for mercy; as you say, “mercy is not his game” and there is no hope of that.
I like the way that you end the poem with the word “falling” repeated five times, giving the same slow-motion sense of her falling, and that is the last conscious thought she has. She is dead before she hits the floor.
I see a parallel in this poem with your other poem, “An Unexpected Turn”, which deals with another murder by Voldemort, the murder of his father and grandparents.
Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I have been told before that I tend to capture moments and narrate them in my poetry. :) And I am glad that you like the repetition, as well as the cruelty of Voldemort. And thanks for pointing out the similarities with the other poem about Voldemort murdering! *chuckles* I never noticed that before. ~Nagini :D
Sad, but written very well. :D I love the ending, and the "Take me" resonates elegantly. You can really see the story unfolding. :) Good job! :D :D :D
Author's Response: Thank you! I always found the words that Harry remembers from his mother's demise to be heartbreaking, and I just had to use them to show Lily's devotion to her family. I am so happy to receive your review! :)
Very lovely and sad. You've managed to capture the sense of utter helplessness and desperation (for Harry) which surely commanded Lily's last moments whilst also touching on the grief for James' death that she would never have the time to fully experience.
Sad, sweet and brings a definite lump to my throat.
Kara's Aunty ;)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I have a hard time trying to imagine what it must have been like for Lily in those last moments, but I'm glad that you feel that I've captured it well. :)