MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
01/12/13 16:20 · For:
So I decided to go get some points for Hufflepuff in the Review Drive, and what joy do I find but a story from you with hardly any reviews? Readers should be ashamed of themselves. And Arlienne??? I adore her!
Once I saw this, I did remember you writing something about her but I must have been too swamped to read at the time. She is one of my favorite OCs of all I've read in the Potterverse, as I loved her and Sirius' tragic story in Raindrops. She is well-done here, too, and I like the inclusion of Regulus playing both sides of the fence on this one. He is such an intriguing character and I was surprised that he was the one to warn her. It worked very well, though.
Sirius is so often a player in everything I read, and of course, there is evidence to support such a thing. But the real strength of this story for me is that she is the one who got to him. He fell in love, even if their time was short, and it adds so much to his character, to give him that story.
No surprises here really, since I know a lot of their story from Raindrops, but I really enjoyed this, Gina. Both of their scenes together were beautiful and beautifully-written, and the whole thing is just so, so sad. In a good way.
I have no crit (drat, hopefully Jess will still give me points) except that I noticed a couple of typos, but that didn't stop me loving this story one little bit. Well done.
Author's Response: Lorrrriiiiii! I'm dutifully responding as ordered, lol. What should I say two months later? Thank you for reading this! It means a lot to me since I know you read Raindrops. To say that Arlienne is one of your favorites - whoa. That's crazy, lol. I don't do OCs and to get a compliment like that is amazing, thank you! You are exactly right in that she is the one who got to him, but the thing is...I have so much more planned for her. Well, someday, I suppose. Just like maybe someday I'll go back and find the typos, lol. Thanks again Lori!! ~Gina :)
(Signed) · Date:
09/12/12 21:15 · For:
Hello, Gina :)
Name: Ribe featherquill
What a wonderful story! I must say, after reading Raindrops, I’ve been curious about Arlienne and Sirius’s relationship, so I'm really glad you wrote this. Even though it was a minor subplot in Raindrops, it was always something I wanted to see more of. You showed a really different side to Sirius here, and I think you explored his character even more thoroughly here than you did in Raindrops. It’s a real shame this doesn’t have more reviews, because it certainly deserves far more.
I think Arlienne is a great character -- she’s sharp and really quite witty, which makes her a match for Sirius, unlike the usual American exchange student OC that Sirius is often paired with in fanfic. She was really well-fleshed out; I like that she wasn’t willing to let Sirius’s rather crude comment just slide like that, as it was a great way to bring them together. I also think your backstory for her is really interesting; the fact that she is a Lestrange and therefore has protective brothers kind of made the ending of the story inevitable :( And yet I can see her flaws, too -- like the fact that she suggested to Sirius to go back to his family and renounce Gryffindor, the way she thought Sirius’s family might take him back if he was with her... it’s all really sad.
On a brighter note, I liked Sirius’s sense of humour, and it was great to see he still had that same fighting spirit within him that really shows his true Gryffindor colours. He is obviously very brave and self-righteous, and I saw this when he tells Arlienne that he wants to fight as well as when she asks him why he didn’t just go back to his family. I also thought, even though he isn’t the major character in this, that Regulus was really well done, too. It was a refreshing change to see Regulus actually friends with someone Sirius is going out with, and it was nice that Regulus at least warned Arlienne about Mulciber and Avery finding out.
The story flowed excellently from beginning to end. The setup of it -- the way the story began and then went backwards in time to tell the story of how Arlienne and Sirius eventually got together -- was all very well done. It was never confusing, which I know can often be a problem for flashbacks without italics, but you pulled it off without any problems. On a more stylistic note, though, I noticed that you used the words “murmur”, “whisper” and “softly” quite a bit, and sometimes, I think perhaps simpler words would suffice. It’s something that caught my attention in some of your other stories, too, so I thought I’d point it out. :)
I particularly loved the line Charms kept them warm, though she much preferred his arms -- it added some wonderful chemistry between them, and it was also rather endearing to read because I could feel their closeness, which was lovely. I do, however, think that it would have been more effective to actually write out some of Sirius and Arlienne’s “verbal sparring”, because I think there was something missing in the library scene. It wasn’t quite a scene, as such; I mean, I was told how they got together, how their relationship progressed to the stage it was at at the beginning, but I didn’t see it, and I would have liked to see it.
The ending was so bittersweet and beautiful -- you created a really strong image of them meeting up for the last time before they would go their separate ways, and I think you summed it up perfectly in this line: "But I'll always be fighting my feelings." It just made me sad to know that they broke up and didn’t get back together in the end, all because of Arlienne’s brothers and the prejudices they had against Sirius and Gryffindors generally. What I liked the best, though, was that the war was at the forefront of everything, which makes the most sense given it was set in Marauder Era, and that that was partly why they had to split up in the end.
Overall, I think you did a fabulous job on the story; it was very well-written, as per usual, and on a deeper level, it spoke volumes of the injustices in the wizarding world.
(Signed) · Date:
08/30/12 18:19 · For:
Like this story, I really do. Not long since i reread Raindrops, and I do like that story, and this subplot. So nice it has come to get a oneshot.
You are great at telling the story, just the right amount of dialogue, not to much for this story, nor to little, you nailed that part really well. Also great to see it from Arliennes point of view, especially when you have quite a bit of Marauder/James-Lily in your archives.
It goes well with your with Raindrops, but I just wonder: When Sirius say the black eye is from Regulus, and Regulus told him, is it just because Sirius is sure Regulus had seen them and given them away, that he fells some gnugde against Regulus or that it's the easiest to say.
Author's Response: A very belated thank you for such a lovely review! I'm so glad you enjoyed this story. I don't write about OCs very often at all, especially original characters as the *main* character. I'm glad you'd read Raindrops to better read this one. As for the black eye-yes, it's from Regulus. Regulus did not tell on him, though. He was always only trying to help, really. But Sirius punched him for being a prat anyway, lol. That's a bit late explanation, sorry. But thank you so much for reading this and leaving a review!! ~Gina :)