Hi, Nagini. This is a great poem. Since it treats of the same situation as your poem “Negotiation With Death”, the parallels are definitely there.
But in this Poem Tom Riddle Sr. is not negotiating with death since, unlike Lily, he has no idea what is going on, or what is about to happen. So in this poem you have included many images of what Tom Sr. sees, what Voldemort looks like. I love the lines “fantastical vampiric materialization that reflects him in very manner”. Interesting that even though Tom Jr. is still a man who looks pretty normal (under ordinary circumstances), when he is about to murder someone he hates, he gives the impression of being like a vampire, murder gleaming in his eyes, revulsion etched in his features.
I like the momentary pause that you suggest in the opening lines of stanza three, “an odd silence has fallen…” as Tom Jr. stands for a few seconds before lifting his wand, the “long wooden stick” that Tom Sr. does not recognize. At first Tom Sr. longs for a should to help him understand what is happening, and then he gets more sound that he can stand as the curse is cast.
You end with Tom Sr.’s last sensations of sound, sight, taste, and feeling (a clever way to polish the poem off), and a presaging of what will happen to Lily many years later: falling down, down, down down.
What I like about your poetry (among many things I like) is that it is figurative and imaginative, pulling out ideas we didn’t know we were thinking until suddenly you say them, but it is always understandable, which to me is a big issue. Poetry which is so obscure that I don’t have the faintest idea what the poet is talking about is not attractive to me. And just to make sure we don’t get lost, you mention in the Poet’s Note who you are talking about. Thank you very much!
Author's Response: Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) I totally got into a mood a year and a half ago after reading hestiajones' work that inspired me to write more about Voldemort's past- murdering his dad, for example. And it also got me more interested in writing about Merope, although those stories cam a bit later. :) And it means a lot to me that you said I "pull out ideas [you] didn't know [you] were thinking." I try really hard and struggle sometimes to do so, hoping against hope that I am not using cliches.... :) ~Nagini
I was so impressed by this powerful use of language and command of form - the poem really gripped me and enveloped in it. I think the fact that you expressed what was happening in a very subtle way made it all the more intriguing and open to various interpretations.
The language was incredibly emotive and evoked a sense of great power - fitting with the subject! You seemed to control every word, every semi colon and every line break, and I absolutely loved it!
I'm going to read your first one now... :)
Author's Response: Wow! I don't think I've ever heard (read) such high praise for my work! Thank you so much! It just made my day!!!!!! I'll be sure to continue trying to have all my work controlled and powerful, unless I find that it works in a different way. ;)
This scared me. In a good way! As usual you have managed to cature the perfect amount of darkness and twist it into something that others can enjoy. The final stanza gave me chills!
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Julie!!!!!!!! :) I have absolutely enjoyed writing poetry, and I am always ecstatic to find that someone has enjoyed my work! Keep looking for the dark poetry- I have so many on the way (hopefully). *grins wickedly*