Reviews For The Coffin Brawl
Reviewer: Oregonian
Date: 01/06/14 14:29
Chapter: The Coffin Brawl

Hi Nagini. As usual, your poetry is lovely. As usual you have taken a tiny moment in canon history, a brief reference in passing, and expanded it into a tapestry of senses and understanding.

When I read it, I felt good about being able to figure out, by verse two, who the subjects of the poem were, because when the reader can know who the poet is talking about and what the incident was, the experience of reading it blossoms from simply appreciating graceful language to creating a connection with both the fictional subjects and the very real poet himself or herself.

Of course the clue in the title should have given it away at the very beginning, and for those of us readers who are the slowest on the uptake, you give the final clue at the end by mentioning Ariana’s name, so that no reader is left out. That is very thoughtful of you.

The one line that hung me up a little was “My nose ” like a whip it cracks.” I had to think about that for a minute until I put two and two together (this line plus the title); voila! this line is the sole reference to the fact that a brawl actually occurred coffin-side and a nose got broken. By relegating the physical brawl, which must have been spectacular to the onlookers, to one line out of forty-eight, you emphasize the fact that the brawl, painful though it must have been, was nothing to Dumbledore compared to the pain and guilt he felt over his sister’s death.

I like the way you interleave lines of objective observation (not all of them, but many) with parenthetical lines of even more emotional content. This emphasizes that Dumbledore is mentally torn in two directions, one being the necessity to keep it together and get through the mechanical events of the funeral and the other being the impulse to break down and be overcome with emotion.

Your various poems show a wide variety of techniques to present your thoughts. Poets like me can learn a lot by reading your works.

Author's Response: Nothing like a spree of reading Nagini's earlier poetry to learn more about her writing style! :) *chuckles* Thanks for taking the time to read and review my work. It means a lot to me, and I have to agree with your statement made in your Poetry Anyone? thread- I sometimes feel like we are the only two people on the boards and archives as well!!!! :) And I am gla you caught the fact that Albus was more distressed over his sister than actually getting hit by Aberforth- in the books it said that Albus took the hit calmly :) Keep reading and writing. ~Nagini

Reviewer: Ascendio
Date: 09/15/12 23:20
Chapter: The Coffin Brawl

I really enjoyed this poem, at first I was afraid the parenthesis every other line might get over-bearing but you actually used them to a lovely effect. I particularly love the lines
"How tiny she is
(just a child).
Lain in a simple bed
(no, her coffin);"
but I do love the poem overall as well. Albus I'm guessing? :)

Author's Response: Yes, it is Albus! I'm am so ecstatic so receive your review! Thank you for your great words and I'm glad that you loved the poem! :)

Reviewer: Dad
Date: 09/12/12 15:54
Chapter: The Coffin Brawl

Without the last line it could be anybody. It must however be Aberforth.

Author's Response: Well, Aberforth and Albus are both in the poem, but the main person is actually Albus, because he got punched at the funeral and Aberforth blamed him for the death. Albus took it calmly, and he too, felt at blame.

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