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Good to see this back. Has the girl been mentioned before? This is certainly one of the more different stories going on any site.
I'm sure it was hard for you to kill off Percy's daughter, but like Jo herself, if it served the story it had to be done. The beginning set up of the normal family with Audrey and Percy's conversation about respecting their daughter's privacy was so warm and fuzzy, it made his going upstairs to apologize and finding Lucy's body that much more gutting. It's every parents' nightmare.
There were a couple of things that distracted/detracted from the set up of finding Lucy dead. The first was the long reverie about how Percy met Audrey. I wanted it to have been saved for another time, maybe revealed in a drunken conversation with his brothers or even Audrey herself, with the back and forth of dialogue keeping me engaged instead of a short story length interruption of the flow of a vital chapter.
The second distraction was me wondering why the heck Molly hadn't known her granddaughter was in Mortal Peril. I couldn't remember if the grandfather clock had been destroyed and if it had, why wouldn't she get a new and improved one with hands for all her extended family members? It was just a small distraction compared to the Audrey and Percy backstory.
I'm glad you have so many chapters posted. I'm definitely hooked and hoping it was murder instead of suicide.
I have been waiting for this, but I know your university work is more important. Very interesting story.
Author's Response: Thank you for understanding :). University is so much trouble, lol, and third year is just... argh. I have already submitted the next chapter, so it should be up within a week. I'm so glad you're still following this! I was afraid I'd scared you away with my infrequent updates, lol. Thank you so much for the review! --Nadia
Too late at night to spot clues.
Author's Response: Hello! I'm so sorry for the delay in putting up the next chapter. I've already submitted it, and it should be up by this week. Thanks for the review. :) -- Nadia
Great chapter as always. I'm confused about the real killer though. Who is it really? Even though Zach Williamson appear to be the prime suspect, it sounds like he wasn't. How could he enter to school without help? What about Lucy's friend? She knows everything. Could she be the connection between them? I'm looking forward to next chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I'm so sorry for the late reply. You've already met the real killer, but I won't tell you who it is. You'll probably find out what happens to Zach in chapter 15 - and it's gonna cause a major plot turn. And as for Lucy's friend...she has a few secrets of her own. You'll find out soon enough! I've already submitted the next chapter. Hopefully it'll be up this week. :) Thanks once again! --Nadia
Love this story! Each twist and turn keeps me guessing at what happened to Lucy! I can honestly say, I still don't know who did it!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! It'll be a while before you find out who did it, though. Right now Harry and Teddy are still pretty much on the wrong track. Stay tuned! :D
Author's Response: >:D *cackles evilly*
Great chapter. What a sentence this is, "He just didn't know how terribly wrong he was." What are you planning now? Of course, it couldn't be that easy. But as long as no one died from Potter and Weasley family including Teddy, it would very intriguing.
Author's Response: Hehe, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. I can't promise you no deaths, though! I'll see what I can do about it. You'll be getting a good scare ;). Stay tuned!
Can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Not long now! I just finished the next chapter. I'll submit it today and then it'll be a few more days till it's up! :D
I just found this fic the other day and I love it! I just read all 11 chapters in a row and am totally hooked :) Your writing is superb and your take on the next gen characters is really appealing to me. Please write more! *hugs*
Author's Response: Wow, thank you! I'm so happy you like the story! And thanks a bunch for your compliments, they mean a lot :D. I'm done with around a 1000 words of the next chapter, so I'll try to finish up asap and then I'm gonna submit it. Stay tuned! *hugs back*
I have a bad feeling about this Clara character. But then, you have proved my hunches wrong before.
Author's Response: I just have one word: *wink.* ;)
You continue to keep the suspense. Very taut. Keep up the good writing.
Author's Response: Thank you! I"m glad you're enjoying. :)
i love this story so much! more soon please! :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'll try to update asap. :)
It is all beginning to make sense now.
Author's Response: Don't be too sure about that, haha ;). I have a few other tricks up my sleeve!
Brilliant! I've only just stumbled across your story and love this twist. Tell me!! Did I really just read that Clara said "I don't know how it got into her potion" when teddy hadn't told her how it was given to Lucy?! I'm so hooked!!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so so glad you like it! And you have a really good eye ;). Teddy didn't tell her about the potion, did he? But there might be an explanation for that: she might have read it from the newspapers, too. Lets see where this goes, hehe. Thank you so much for the review!
This reader is still with you. Look forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: YAY thank you! :D Next chapter will be up in a week! I'm working on it :).
Author's Response: The latest chapter is up! I'm so sorry for the delay :(
Glad to see this story is back. It is too original to not get finished.
Author's Response: Can't believe I didn't respond to this :/. Thank you! I'm now working on this story like crazy and I'm almost done with the next couple of chapters as well. I think you can expect an update by hopefully next week! I'm so sorry, I really hope you're still gonna read this. I've been a terrible author, I know >.<.
Well, I have seen this story from the stage where it was just a plot, and I definitely count it as one of the best plotted mysteries that I’ve read around here. I am, as you know, aware of how the whole story unfolds, but just so I don’t spoil it for the rest of your readers, I will comment on the events until now.
First of all, I love the setting of your story. It starts with a ‘balmy July morning’ after which you have swiftly woven in an array of emotions. It starts with a father-daughter tiff, which I found interesting, and then there are the overtones of grief, and I am in love with how you have portrayed the agony that Percy went through, when Fred died. And then comes this line: She came in like an angel, dressed in white robes,. It’s one of my favourites, really, because it’s beautiful how the grief slowly lifts and gives way to a happier atmosphere. But then again, this changes. It’s back to Percy’s childish worries about his daughter growing up, and it remains innocent until he goes to Lucy’s room, where everything takes a turn for the worse. And at this point, I knew, even before I read the story, that Lucy was dead, but Percy and Audrey reacting to it was very natural, and I felt terrible for them.
I think the alternating dark and light-hearted settings really help, seeing this is a mystery. You maintain this throughout the rest of the chapters, and this is what struck me the most in your story. The moods are very important and noticeable in your story, and I love how one moment, there’s fluff, and another moment, it’s back to a shocking bit of information. Also, the story is moving fast, and it feels like a roller-coaster ride while I read it. It’s nerve-wracking to stop at any point without knowing what’s going to happen next -- the only consolation I have is that I actually know what happens next (unless you’ve got something hidden up your sleeve to surprise me too). I am sure, however, that your other readers are thoroughly enjoying the suspense.
Lucy is characterised well -- even for the really small part that she has. Well, it’s rather passive, as we only hear about her from Percy, Audrey and Victoire, but she is well fleshed-out, and I can see her reflect her father in some ways. Percy is well in-character, and with the superadded pain he’s going through, I can’t help but feel sorry for him. You’ve aged him well, as a father and a husband, and when he reaches out to attack James, and blames him for being responsible for his daughter’s death, I can tell that this is something he would actually do.
We’re yet to see more of James, but I am fond of how much we’ve seen here. I can’t wait to see more of him and have a look at the plans you have for his character, actually come out in the later chapters. The situations he faces are rather complex, and I’m excited to see how he reacts to all the situations he is, and will be facing. As for Harry, I think he’s very much in-character. This is particularly well-reflected in the scene where Harry finds out about James and Lucy’s relationship. His reaction to finding out that Lucy was pregnant with James’s child is very well-done -- I love how he’s just shocked for the moment, and then is surprised at how it seems insignificant. Knowing Harry, I expect it will most probably become significant once he’s out of all the shock.
On that note, I like the relationship dynamics between the three major couples you have here: Teddy/Victoire, Percy/Audrey and Harry/Ginny. We know Harry and Ginny well from the books, and their marriage is well-written. Teddy and Victoire are very sweet; I love the honesty between them, and also of how sure Teddy is about her. Percy and Audrey’s story is fantastic, and I’m rather hoping for another piece of fanfiction where you could go into the details, because that would be very interesting.
Regarding the murder, I’m in awe of how well you’ve conducted your research, starting with the post-mortem report, to the cause of death that you have here. I appreciate everything that involves medical research, as you know, and am very pleased with all the details that you’ve included about croton seed poisoning. The most interesting part of this, I must say, is the fact that Lucy is pregnant, and that croton seeds are abortifacients. Who would have anything against her pregnancy? Who else knew that she was pregnant? Although, I can see why Percy’s immediate suspicions would be directed to James, but then, he didn’t even know that it was his child, so we’re yet to get a lead about the actual culprit. Or is James just pretending? ;) Good job there!
All-in-all, you have an interesting story here, and I can’t wait for you to write more. My only question is: would Teddy really give out all the details to Victoire? But then again, he’s just a junior, so we don’t know. She’s helping though, so I definitely won’t complain. However, I am waiting for you to pop up on AIM and ask me to read parts of what you’ve written, and I hope that happens soon.
I love this story -- and good luck with this challenge! :)