Reviews For Relativity
Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione
Date: 04/30/13 7:27
Chapter: (a relative concept)

This story is really interesting, and your characterisation of Hermione is great. I liked how her fear of failure carries through the whole thing, and the images of Hermione as a six-year-old were very interesting, because I've always imagined her as working really hard at primary school (probably because she felt socially inadequate) - but your interpretation works really well and makes so much sense with how she is when she's older.

I also liked the comparison between her boggart at the end of third year, and then at Grimmauld Place, and how much she, and the world she is in, have changed in that time. I liked as well that it was Harry's dead body she saw, because, as you wrote, that would be like a failure for her; but the moment with Ron afterwards was very sweet and really reflected where there relationship was at at that point in DH.

I think it's really interesting that she laughs at the Boggart, but very believable, because she's seen Harry be in so many life-threatening situations and survive that she can't really be terrified every time - does that make sense? It's hard to explain exactly what I mean, but I think you captured it really well in the story.

Anyway, I'm not sure why you're not happy with this, because I really enjoyed and think it's really well-written.

~Katrina

Reviewer: The owl
Date: 04/15/13 18:47
Chapter: (a relative concept)

Hi Lily :)

First of all, congratulations on doing so well in the Great Hall challenge! I didn't read this at the time, but I get the impression you beat some stiff competition. Secondly, I really, really enjoyed this, independent of it's success on the boards. Introspective things like this, when done well, are something I very much enjoy reading, especially when you give so much insight into a character.

Hermione's characterisation was most definitely a strength of your writing here. You gave me some pretty major revelations about her in the scene with the Boggart. I really appreciated that it was Harry's death she feared, and not Ron's as some might expect, because I can't imagine Hermione would have been focused on romance at this stage. The war needed to be about strategy, about being, as she said, “Exactly Perfect” (another line that I loved), and she wouldn't have had time to dwell on Ron. That being said, the hints of closeness between her and Ron were really lovely. You kept it subtle, with her recognition of his touch, his sudden quietness, the gentleness between them, but it showed me the depth of their feelings for each other while being entirely appropriate for the moment, and I loved that.

The other thing that I really appreciated is how you backed her characterisation up with the scenes from 1985. We see nothing of her as a child in canon, so I thought that looking back at her six-year-old self was a great way for you to shows us why she fears what she does. The pressure of her father's hard work and her mother's high expectations, combined with her near miss with failure, sounds like a powerful motivation to work hard later in life. To me, this makes her work ethic far more believable than it ever was in canon. I loved how that was connected to her magic too; of course it would take something pretty special to distract Hermione from her academics! I did have one or two moments of wondering if your young Hermione was perhaps a little too self-aware, when she was thinking about her mother not knowing that she knew, for example, but these were only passing. Overall, I thought you got her age just right. In particular, I liked when she said “Like Dad”, because it showed so much about the family dynamic as well as sounding very young.

I loved how you handled looking back to her childhood, as well as the actual content of those parts. I've always struggled with non-linear narratives myself, so it's always good to see someone else pull off that sort of structure so well. By having the date and place beginning each section, you made it all very clear and easy for me to read, and I thought you found a good balance between short and long scenes. It didn't feel too jumpy and hard to follow, but equally there was enough movement to add interest and keep each different time period in my head. I think my favourite part, in regard to times, was ending at the end of the battle. It was the resolution of all of the fears you'd explored, so that worked really well for me as a way of bringing closure to the story.

That was my favourite part in terms of your use of the time jumps, but I think my actual favourite moment was Ron's entry. I really did squee at that point. While I very much liked how you looked at Harry until that point in the fic, as above, it wouldn't have been right to not feature Ron in some way, and I loved that he was what brought hope to the story. He seemed, to me, to represent hope for the future and safety in the present, and it was a moment that really lifted my mood, despite the general sadness of the story.

As well as the sadness, I couldn't help but notice the tension you created throughout. In the very opening, I thought your short sentences were really effective at that. The first and third paragraphs in particular felt really punchy and sharp “ just right for someone full of fear in the middle of a war. Even when you wrote a longer sentence, I liked that you broke it down into loads of shorter phrases. I'm not always keen on comma filled sentences, but here I thought it created a very Hermione-ish sense of nervousness “ breathiness, perhaps.

I don't suppose it was easy subject matter to handle, but I think you crammed a lot of insight into this fic and it really carried me along very effortlessly “ a pleasure to read!

~Sophie

Reviewer: HalfASlug
Date: 03/11/13 22:36
Chapter: (a relative concept)

This is a really interesting look into Hermione's character. Beneath all the intelligence and confidence is this girl who is scared of letting people down, most of all herself and I think you captured it brilliantly. The parts with her as a younger child were particularly good as I don't think I've read a fic where Hermione is behind or distracted at school. It kind of gives a reason as to why she strives to be as perfect as possible later in life. And of course I enjoyed the tiny glimpse of her and Ron :)

Reviewer: Theloonyhermione
Date: 01/17/13 18:27
Chapter: (a relative concept)

I really like the idea of this story and I think you write Hermione well. You really captured her worst fear in this story, more than just the dread of a third-year girl. Your writing style is unique but enjoyable.
I have a bit of crit, but who doesn't love it if it's constructive?
'(I am six yours old and work is what Dad...' This was a bit confusing because it wasn't in italics like the rest of the flashback, and I think that, if it were me, a good way to make it less confusing would be to change the tenses so that the flashbacks were in past tense and the current times in present. Not somehthing, I'm pushing you to do (because I don't have the power to do that anyway), but just a suggestion.
'I let him hold my hand.' This isn't crit, but I just loved this line. It was simple and gave you a very happy image. :) good job!

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate all the compliments, particularly on the characterisation. That's something that I always struggle with.

Reviewer: Hokey
Date: 10/31/12 18:00
Chapter: (a relative concept)

I enjoyed this little piece! Partly because it's sort of a new voice for Hermione, but still very belivable. And partly because this story doesn't pin her as a know-it-all ever since childhood.
Here you delved into why Hermione finds it so important not to fail (although I'm sure you could've gone deeper with a longer story). I like the idea of Hermione not being such a perfect student during her younger years, and rather that she was really nervous about not fitting in to the wizarding world, which she probably desperately wanted to do, and tried to read herself there. There have to be reasons why she tried so hard to be a good student.
All in all I think you've managed to write a nice story, true to Hermione's character and scratching on a few of the topics that make her more than just your ordinary straight-A student. Well done and good luck in the challenge :) (I was going to enter myself, but never had the time to write and explore my idea... I might have to write it now anyway, seeing as you've inspired me a bit :P Not the same character, though!)

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 10/14/12 15:09
Chapter: (a relative concept)

Ooh!!! I am rather jealous of how you wrote this! Very beautiful in how you rummaged through hermione's mind. It fit so well, the idea of failure. I think, in a way, we all fear that same relative concept.

Good luck on the challenge! This is eons better than my two entries!!!

~Nagini Riddle, a fellow challenger

Author's Response: Oooh, thank you so much for the review. I really wasn't happy with the way this story turned out--it was written rather quickly, and I haven't written something that fast since the Great Hall Cotillion! But I'm glad you liked it at any rate. Good luck on the challenge!

Lily xxx

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