Hi! I just wanted to say first off that I commend you for delving into the mysterious world that is poetry. :P
I have to agree with Carole- I liked how this started off, because I really could sense the anticipation. I think, though, that you could play around with structure. You seem to have all the dialogue stay as one line, but I think by breaking them up so they stay the same length as the other lines would not only make the overall visual more appealing, but it would also help emphasize certain points of your poem.
As for ideas? I don't know what you like and don't like, but I think it would be interesting to see you write about insignificant things and make them have more importance, like nifflers or perhaps a certain spell that has some glory to it, like "expelliarmus." But keep writing! It really helps to do so if you want to improve. :)
Nagini
P.S. I wouldn't mind some reviews from you!
Author's Response: Nagini- Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it! The mysterious world of HP poetry has opened its doors. :P I'll try the out the visual appeal idea- constructive criticism FTW! I've got another idea, and I'm working on it, but I'll give your idea a go when life doesn't tie me down. Thanks again for the review! :D (I'll be around at your work in a mo. :D I've read some of your poems before, but I can't remember whether I've left you a review.)
Hello
Thought I should return the favour as you've left so many lovely reviews.
This is an interesting poem. I like the way you start with the 'worn hat dropping' and then Sirius' anxiety because we know he really doesn't want to be in Slytherin, but it must be so very hard to defy your families expectations when you're only eleven. You built up the tension to the moment when the hat shouts its verdict very well.
The only thing I think you could possibly look at is some of the sentence structure. What I mean is that by allowing some lines not to start with capitals, it may help the poem flow better because then you read the lines in one without too much of a pause.
Hmm, you want some ideas? How about poems about the other Marauders' Sortings. I bet Peter would be interesting.
~Carole~
Author's Response: Hi Carole! Thanks for the review. I really appreciate it! :D This really made me smile, 'cause I know I've got LOTS of room to improve. :P I'll attempt to fix the capitalization, I orginally didn't have it written out like that, but Microsoft Word... Hmm... Peter's Sorting... That would be an interesting one- maybe a one-shot would be better than a poem. I guess I'll have to see what time allows. :P Thanks again!!! :D -H.H.
