Reviews For The Certain Dark
Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 10/20/13 13:59
Chapter: The Certain Dark

Oh! Excellent pantoum, Hayley. I always struggle with this form, so I appreciate it when I see someone working with it. You’ve done a good job here, and it’s a great poem about Voldemort.

I liked the flow of this and thought the rhyme worked well as it never forced. One or two of the lines felt a touch too syllable heavy, however.

The spidery hand, absent white, slashing the screeching air

Personally, I would have left out the ‘screeching’ to address the syllable imbalance.

I also wasn’t sure about the use of this line:

His swift stride and vengeance ghastly aplomb

I have to admit that I’m not entirely sure what your meaning is here. It could be that adding punctuation would make it clearer, but ‘vengeance’ and ‘aplomb’ are both nouns and you don’t seem to have a verb in this part that brings them together.

The poem as a whole felt very spooky and certainly sent shivers through me. I do like a poem that can evoke emotions, so well done for that.

~Carole~

Author's Response: Thank you for the critique. And my name is Kaylee, by the way. :) Happy Halloween (in 10 days time)!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Chocolate Frog by L A Moody 3rd-5th Years
Amid the desolation of Diagon Alley, a tiny ray of hope lay buried. Nothing...
I Suspect Nargles by foolondahill17 3rd-5th Years
“No one’s ever kissed me before…. What is one to do now?” An extensive...
The Life and Times of Linnea Potter by Cantatrix 1st-2nd Years
Linnea Potter has lived under the tyranny of her relatives for the better part...
FEATURED
Glass over the Flame by the opaleye 3rd-5th Years
Harry, Hermione, and the moments in between. He doesn’t say that this...
Tom Riddle and the Chamber of Secrets by CanisMajor 3rd-5th Years
What really happened the last time someone let the Basilisk out? Harry Potter...
Red Squirrel/Sun Rises by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
+ He wouldn't celebrate his birthday, but his son had other ideas. + This was...
Sybill Trelawney and the Unexpected Gift by Squibstress 3rd-5th Years
Sybill Trelawney learns to live with her Inner Eye, cooking sherry, and Minerva...
Pat-a-Cake by foolondahill17 1st-2nd Years
Molly Weasley II, called Pat, and twenty-one lot and little-known facts. Or...
Wood by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
Marcus Flint, the infamous Super Seventh Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch...
CATEGORIES