Reviews For Silent Ash
Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 10/20/13 13:46
Chapter: Silent Ash

I really felt for Merope here. You’ve conveyed her unrelenting torment very well in this poem, and with so few words. It’s a depressing poem, with no light, but that was Merope’s life in her last few days, and the acute pain she is in shows.

I loved the imagery you used.

The sky but a darkened ash from the Arson of wooden love.

This is brilliant. The ‘arson of wooden love’ is especially powerful, showing the destructive nature of the artificial love she created.

However, there were one or two places where I thought you might have overplayed the images and adverbs stiffly collapses for instance, didn’t quite make sense because if you collapse, then you’re floppy and malleable.

Leaning ‘gainst a weakening foundation Do mortal failings strike her icy heart, Abandoned by will and burdened with sorrow; The vile emptiness seeps in to consume.

I was also unsure about the punctuation here because the second line suggests that this is a question. I was a little confused about what was happening because of that and think you may want to play a little with the order of the words.

I did enjoy reading it, though. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thank you! I see what you mean about it sounding like a question, and I really have to stop using archaic syntax, especially when I only use it in one line for the entire poem. :)

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Chocolate Frog by L A Moody 3rd-5th Years
Amid the desolation of Diagon Alley, a tiny ray of hope lay buried. Nothing...
I Suspect Nargles by foolondahill17 3rd-5th Years
“No one’s ever kissed me before…. What is one to do now?” An extensive...
The Life and Times of Linnea Potter by Cantatrix 1st-2nd Years
Linnea Potter has lived under the tyranny of her relatives for the better part...
FEATURED
Glass over the Flame by the opaleye 3rd-5th Years
Harry, Hermione, and the moments in between. He doesn’t say that this...
Tom Riddle and the Chamber of Secrets by CanisMajor 3rd-5th Years
What really happened the last time someone let the Basilisk out? Harry Potter...
Red Squirrel/Sun Rises by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
+ He wouldn't celebrate his birthday, but his son had other ideas. + This was...
Sybill Trelawney and the Unexpected Gift by Squibstress 3rd-5th Years
Sybill Trelawney learns to live with her Inner Eye, cooking sherry, and Minerva...
Pat-a-Cake by foolondahill17 1st-2nd Years
Molly Weasley II, called Pat, and twenty-one lot and little-known facts. Or...
Wood by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
Marcus Flint, the infamous Super Seventh Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch...
CATEGORIES