Reviews For Silent Ash
Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 10/20/13 13:46
Chapter: Silent Ash

I really felt for Merope here. You’ve conveyed her unrelenting torment very well in this poem, and with so few words. It’s a depressing poem, with no light, but that was Merope’s life in her last few days, and the acute pain she is in shows.

I loved the imagery you used.

The sky but a darkened ash from the Arson of wooden love.

This is brilliant. The ‘arson of wooden love’ is especially powerful, showing the destructive nature of the artificial love she created.

However, there were one or two places where I thought you might have overplayed the images and adverbs stiffly collapses for instance, didn’t quite make sense because if you collapse, then you’re floppy and malleable.

Leaning ‘gainst a weakening foundation Do mortal failings strike her icy heart, Abandoned by will and burdened with sorrow; The vile emptiness seeps in to consume.

I was also unsure about the punctuation here because the second line suggests that this is a question. I was a little confused about what was happening because of that and think you may want to play a little with the order of the words.

I did enjoy reading it, though. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thank you! I see what you mean about it sounding like a question, and I really have to stop using archaic syntax, especially when I only use it in one line for the entire poem. :)

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Other Prophecy by IWriteToSurvive 3rd-5th Years
Hermione Granger is in a dilemma. A dilemma she never thought could happen...
Do Over by Jeograph 6th-7th Years
Harry plods toward his death, toward the Dark Lord to give himself up, to make...
The Full House by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
"Power and the money, money and the power,Minute after minute, hour after hour."-Gangsta's...
FEATURED
Oread, Walking by Seren
Cedric was just as odd as Hermione, because he liked to walk. Cedric/Hermione
The Effect of Gamma Rays on Two Terrifically Trapped Gryffindors. by Fenixaze 3rd-5th Years
From the "Stuck where for the weekend?" Challenge on Portkey.org ... Our two...
And Now... by Oregonian 3rd-5th Years
Moments after the death of Voldemort, Harry gazes at the corpse of the Dark...
CATEGORIES