Reviews For The Closed Ward
Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 09/20/13 9:03
Chapter: too light too too much color

I very much enjoyed how you tackled this poem. There's a good grasp of Alice's character and the situation she's in, and I love the way you show her changing moods and the way she's grasping to make sense of everything around her.

The use on lower case thoughout and no punctuation was very effective at showing the disconnection she felt with everything around her and in her head.

There's some beautiful imagery here, too, like the leaves dancing in the cotton sky.

Well done ~Carole~

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. It felt right, using very loose free verse for Alice, because her thoughts have lost coherence; she struggles to put threads together, so it's very stream of consciousness. That said, it feels like quite a long time ago that I wrote this. I still write poetry, although hardly any FF anymore...Mugglenet (particularly Poetry, Anyone?) did a lot to help me improve since then!

Reviewer: TeamCedric
Date: 03/03/13 22:11
Chapter: too light too too much color

Brilliant use of free verse. Perfect for the confusion that's in her mind; realistic too. So many parts of this I could quote back to you, but mostly it just rings true. I've had the experience of a mother not being able to convey if she knows who you are, and your poem seems to me a good guess as to what's going on. I also am interested in this because I wrote a little thing including Neville's parents and I think yours is more realistic!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I wanted to convey Alice's loss without having her entirely understand that she has lost something. This poem went through a lot of drafting! I'm glad you think it is realistic, and I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I know it is difficult to watch a loved one slowly declining; I saw this happen to my grandma. I guess it is something many people can connect to.

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 01/24/13 21:26
Chapter: too light too too much color

Wow! I really enjoyed this! :) I actually thought that you were brilliant by leaving out capitalization and punctuation and just letting thoughts stream together, some not making any sense. Very poignant and the meloncholic tone really grabbed me. Great job! :) Don't hesitate to write some more poetry...

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked my poem! I have always loved free verse; it's very good for conveying meaning, and it can sound nice too, if you make it flow right. I was actually not sure how I felt about the nonsensical-ness of my poem--it would make more sense if I had put commas in four or five places (but the mod wouldn't let me), or if I had added long spaces between words, instead of commas (but the site won't show them!) So it's really nice to hear that you think it's good even without that, and that you liked the tone! Adding emotion to the tone was tricky, since the theme of the poem is Alice's inability to understand what emotions and meaning are! As for more poetry--I just posted a new one, and there are several more in the making... :D

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Other Lives and Dimensions and Finally a Love Story by MoRoCcAnAnDpRoUd Professors
The year is 1977, and the Wizarding World is in turmoil, but it doesn't really...
Research and Development by Northumbrian 3rd-5th Years
The Mirrorphone, the latest advance in Wizarding communications. Now, of course...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
FEATURED
Oread, Walking by Seren
Cedric was just as odd as Hermione, because he liked to walk. Cedric/Hermione
The Effect of Gamma Rays on Two Terrifically Trapped Gryffindors. by Fenixaze 3rd-5th Years
From the "Stuck where for the weekend?" Challenge on Portkey.org ... Our two...
Drunk on Him by armagod679 Professors
For me, he was an obsession, a burning obsession, one that I could never let...
A Broken Hallelujah by epiphany212 Professors
You have always loved the chase. The pursuit of Quaffles and dragons have carried...
In the Hufflepuff Way by 1000timesingoldenink 3rd-5th Years
Did anybody really appreciate Hannah's mum?Because Mrs. Abbott was a heroine...
And Now... by Oregonian 3rd-5th Years
Moments after the death of Voldemort, Harry gazes at the corpse of the Dark...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 1 by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Welcome back to another rousing round of rambunctious rock!However, a new act...
CATEGORIES