It was clear who she was, I thought as much from the pub references and then the mention of pigtails, so no worries there. I was more intrigued as to the man, but resisted the temptation to flick onto the beta bopards to see who you'd claimed - lol.
Back to the story. Well, this wasn;t an easy read. It was dark and unsettling, but very well written and sadly plausible. I can imagine George in that situation, and pairing him with Hannah was a great idea because there would be things she was hiding from too.
I did wonder why he left though and didn't come back until a few months later when he was with Angelina. (And that was crass, george, turning up with your new gf, shame shame shame on you !)
I loved the end. I really did love the surprise that it was Neville, and it was a surprise because even if I didn;t think george would have brought her in, I wanted him to because I wanted him to be doing the decent thing. Althoguh i kind of hope that if he'd known she was miscarrying then he would have brought her in. (I waffle pointlessly in reviews, sorry)
I noticed one or two errors
the man who’s eyes - you mean whose eyes, not who is eyes.
raw in it’s desperation, it should be 'its' not 'it's'
The window was damaged in a blast caused my Death Eaters many months before, I think you mean 'by' and not 'my' unless Hannah has her own private army of DE's.
Hope you don;t mind the pickiness, but I thought this was great story (and I don;t usually like things so dark) and I'd hate to see it discounted for a few minor errors.
Well done ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you for your review :) I'm glad it was clear who she was, I wanted it to come across as I felt it was important in understanding why she felt how she did, but at the same time I like to leave readers to work it out for themselves :) I know it was quite dark, it certainly wasn't the easiest thing to write, but I wanted to make it as human as possible, whilst also giving Hannah a semi-happy ending. To be completely honest, I never really decided why George left, I guess because it's from Hannah's perspective I never took the time to think it through. I felt it was important to convey that George was able to pull himself out of the cycle of grief, whereas Hannah was only sinking deeper into it as it merged with her growing need for him. I'm glad you hoped it was George bringing her in, because it means you understand Hannah's need for him, though I'm also really happy that you liked the ending. George was never going to be the man for her, and whilst she might've been oblivious to that in my head I like to think that she'd have realised he isn't someone who could look after her in the way she needed, and that Neville could. As to whether he'd have brought her in if he'd known, I don't think so. At least that's not how I have it in my head, as despite breaking the cycle of grief George was still messed up, and barely ready to look after himself, let alone the mother of his potential child. thank you for spotting those errors, I'll correct them now, I'm sorry if they detracted from it at all for you. Thank you for such a lovely review, this was a dark little piece but I'm glad you enjoyed it and liked the ending (my pride and joy!). Fenella
I loved the twist at the end, that was really well done! I think you also captured both of their pain and sorrow very well. It's a tough, almost sad sort of read, at least until the end, and even then there are still things to work through, you know? But that last line is perfect. Nice job!
Author's Response: Thank you for your review :) George lost half of himself, and I've always felt that he wouldn't be okay about that for a long time, and only people who have lived through that grief can understand that, hence Hannah. I know it was sad, unfortunately it doesn't seem like I'm capable of anything upbeat! I really wanted it to end on a positive note, and like George needed someone who understood grief, I think Hannah needed someone who understood what it takes to move on... I'm glad you liked the twist, I wanted it to fit without it seeming too 'happy ever after', like you said there are still things to work through and depression doesn't go away overnight. Once again, thank you for your lovely review :) Fenella
I was happy at the end. Points to a better future.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review :) I'm glad the ending left you happy, I wanted Hannah to get the support and love she needs, and I think she had to learn that George was never going to give her that :) Fenella
I think you showed great restraint - the pain comes through, but no sense of whininess, no clutter, no emo-ness. She really feels starkly, exactly like that."You mean the lovely young man who hasn’t moved from your bedside since you arrived? " I immediately knew it couldn 't have been George - George is a lot of things, but you'd have to be a thousand and ten before you'd call him a "lovely young man." Lovely is not a George word... But it does suit Neville.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review :) I didn't want her to come across as someone wallowing in despair, but instead someone unable to come to terms with what they've suffered, and I'm glad you felt that came through. Yes, George certainly isn't a 'lovely young man', though it's easy to see why Hannah would have assumed/hoped it would be him. Once again, thank you for such a lovely review! Fenella