Reviews For The Prisoner
Reviewer: Dad
Date: 10/25/14 16:27
Chapter: Chapter 6: The Broken Soul

Another I need to catch up on.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading my stories and appreciating them... It means a lot to me. I will try updating more often. Regards weasley-malfoy-aficionado

Reviewer: Oregonian
Date: 03/15/14 0:48
Chapter: Chapter 3: The Transformation

Hi, Priya. This is Vicki of Slytherin House, commenting on your unfinished story The Prisoner. This sounds like a rollicking good story, with an active plot, good details, and intriguing characterizations. The writing style is a little unpolished here and there, but the lively plot easily outshines any occasional rough edges, and we all know that the most polished of writing cannot save a boring story.

Throughout the story you follow the important rule of “Show, don’t tell”, so Draco’s emotions are revealed well by your description of his actions, his out-of-control behavior after his trial and his Model-Prisoner behavior when he starts implementing his new plan. The description of the events of his daily life in prison, at the opening of the story, gives us a good sense of the setting in which this story takes place, the mention of the prison reforms juxtaposed with the callous behavior of the prison staff.

I also appreciated the humor that creeps into your story here and there: the prisoner’s glee at “tricking” the guards by pretending to be asleep when they come to awaken all the inmates; his outlandish imaginings about what he would do and say at his trial, where “they would lead me out like a king”, while he would glory in the sight of “thoroughly pissed-off Potter and a similarly stymied Weasley, fuming with rage, with matching red faces and clenched fists.” When Draco injures himself rampaging in his cell and then begs the Healer for a deadly potion, the Healer would decline the request and “keep on bandaging useless parts.” These bits of humor, tossed in seemingly at random, are a sign of the writer’s art; they attract our attention momentarily and impel us to read further.

Your story also has good suspense. You have given us hints of what happened in the past, enough to set our brains speculating about the details left unspoken, but not distracting from our sense of the present. And though you incorporate flashbacks, both to the farther past and then to the nearer past, the time sequence is very plain; I was never confused about what was happening when. I am left wondering how Hermione was used as “bait” to trick Draco into supporting the Dark Lord, and what Draco’s newly-hatched vengeance plan is going to be. Somehow, being a Model Prisoner is the first step, but what next?

The auxiliary characters in this story are depicted well in just a few sentences each”the guards who are inexplicably worried when Draco falls and skins his knees, the Minister who summarily sentences Draco to life imprisonment in a one-minute mockery of a trial, the unsympathetic, matter-of-fact prison Healer who is just doing his job. In each case, you characterize these players by showing actions that reveal what they are like.

I hope you finish this story because you seem to have the sine qua non of storytelling: a good story and the ability to tell it in a captivating way. The polish will come, but meanwhile the enjoyment is already there. Good Luck!

Author's Response: Hi, Vicki... this is Priya here... I am extremely sorry for the late response... but I have tried to make it up with an update... hope you like the new chapter as well... !!! And also a very big thanks for your compliments... I didn't think I deserve such praise though... but thanks anyway for encouraging me... I will try to improve my writing skills and update faster... !!! Regards and gratitude Priya

Reviewer: Dad
Date: 06/02/13 13:49
Chapter: Chapter 3: The Transformation

Not quite sure where this is going, but we are a long way from the end of chapter one. Keep updating.

Author's Response: Right you are... ;-) Please stay faithful to this story... I assure you that you won't be disappointed... :-) P.S. Thanks for your reviews. It really means a lot to me.

Reviewer: Wolfsbane394
Date: 01/30/13 17:27
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Prison

I am loving this! I like how you didn't reveal who the prisoner was right at first, at first I thought it was Lucius until he thinks about his mother. And that cliff hanger ending! Now I can't wait until the next chapter. Great job!

p.s. Please don't abandon this story! Most of the best one's seem to never get finished. Shame, really. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for your appreciation... I will try to post the next chapter soon... Hope you like it too...

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Ginny's Big Decision by dg04 1st-2nd Years
After Dumbledore's Funeral, Harry tells Ginny that they can't be together anymore...
Unexploded Bombs by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Dudley Dursley has just experienced the death of his elderly father Vernon from...
Little Lions by SexY_LydZ 6th-7th Years
On a stormy October evening, a letter, a late night trip to the library and...
FEATURED
Going Against Salazar's Grain by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
"Sometimes," said Dumbledore, "we sort too soon." Originally writtten for...
Whispers in the Night by lucca4 6th-7th Years
"Swear to me, Cissy. Swear you won't tell." It's a secret, and it haunts...
Fear and Loathing in Florida (Mostly Loathing) by minnabird 3rd-5th Years
Scabior and Greyback had to escape the Aurors somehow - they just hadn't expected...
Just Before Healing by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
With Hannah, things always go to yellow.
In Bloom by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
It figures that he ignores the other side of roses. Thorns fit to draw blood...
Magical by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Ginny and her brothers sneak down the stairs to look at presents, but instead...
CATEGORIES