MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
03/23/13 10:03 · For:
I thought Salazar loved Helena Ravenclaw? I guess it doesn't matter when he's got no heart. It was a sad story that was somehow beautiful (I don't know how it can be beautiful when he dumped her but it just seems like that). I liked the slightest touches you made, the way you described their change of emotions. I'm adding this to my favorite story list.
Author's Response: Wow. Thank you so much for the review! I think you're thinking of Helena and the Bloody Baron, but it's true, it doesn't matter when Salazar has a heart made of stone. I'm shocked and ecstatic that you liked it, and you noticed the little details. Just thank you.
(Signed) · Date:
02/11/13 21:12 · For:
Very intense scene! I like the idea of them sparring while dancing - I think you referred to it as a fight, and it almost was. I could also totally see something secret like this happening between the Founders, so well played.
I would only suggest that you make sure you're staying in the time period so things don't jump out as too modern--bits of dialogue, even inner monologue, things like the ball and the waltz (which is probably a term not used for several hundred years after the Founder's time.) I also think Helga would have been a bit older than 20 when starting Hogwarts, and I think you could keep the nature of her character and her relationship with Salazar but still make her older and a bit more believable.
Finally-what does the last line mean?? Does it just mean Salazar left, does it mean he died, or does he kill her??
Nice job! That's so sad your claim expired!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review, Gina!
When I initially claimed the pairing, (I'll be completely honest) I had no idea what to do. So I looked to the cotillion, and since those were not around either, I decided on a ball. I think that the Founders had many dark secrets, and Helgazar is one of my favorite pairings. On the time-issues, all I can say is yeah. I didn't do my research on this fic. :/ I know a lot of people picture Helga as the oldest of the founders, but I always think she was the youngest. I wanted to make her young so that it shows that she is wise in many matters - especially running a school - but she is hopelessly naive and ignorant in others, like a certain Slytherin.
The last line does mean he left. :) Thank you so much for the wonderful review, Gina!
(Signed) · Date:
02/08/13 21:38 · For:
Hmmm. I really like your dialogue. There are a few things I noticed, though. I saw some miswords: "ignorable" instead of perhaps something like "unavoidable" at the beginning, and "alluded" instead of deluded at the end, for example. I also felt that the pacing at the start was awkward, with a lot of sudden description interrupting the narrative flow and tone, while still neglecting to adequately portray the setting. Overall, however, I felt it was a solid effort. It was interesting to see Helga as the youngest of the founders, as so many choose to paint her as the oldest. Definitely a nod to your dialogue, as I said, which was a major help to your character building.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I'll readily admit this wasn't my best work, and it was my first attempt at the Founders. I'll double check the wordings, though. :) Also, on Helga's age: I have honestly always put her as the youngest of the four, with Rowena being the oldest. I don't know what it is, it's just how I picture her. I felt the need for the description at the beginning, as otherwise I felt it would have been a big white space; no one knows exactly where this is taking place. Thank you so much for your review, though!